happiness

does anyone else find it extremely disturbing that Hershey's chocolate bars prints the word HAPPINESS on every square of their delicious chocolate bars?

what does that say to you?






p.s. i think they're right

I wasn't talking about your car, asshole

Yo, Chris here blogging something for Jeff...

So this guy comes in that owns mad cars, I'm talkin a Ferrari, a Hummer, an Audi TT and so on. Jeff talks about cars with his wife everytime and sometimes cuts her late fees b/c of the pleasure he gets out of the conversation. So Jeff says "Hey I talk to your wife about cars all the time" and as the guy is walking out he says "Your wife promised me a hummer". The guy thinks he said that she promised him THE Hummer (as in the SUV), so the guys says "Yeah? If you can pay the gas for that damn thing you can have it." So after he is out of earshot, Jeff says "I wasn't talking about your car, asshole" Blog THAT bitch!

Pz out bitches!!

Busy as nuts and nutsacks

holy shit it is busy on a wednesday. Busy as nuts and nutsacks to be precise....well anyways i got the shoutout of the day for all ya'll foo's.

*special warm welcome nutsack balls on your face shoutout to *THE ENTIRE STATE OF IDAHO* !!!! CONGRATULATIONS FOR MAKING THE SHOUTOUT OF THE DAY...WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU GUYS!!!!

yo btw...we just got an intelliflix order that is addressed to someone in puerto ricoooo

Whew (Thank God Gareth Was There)

From the BBC website:

Actor Slater escapes knife attack

Slater was not hurt in the attackActor Christian Slater has escaped a knife attack outside the London theatre where he has starred in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Slater was leaving the Gielgud Theatre on Shaftesbury Avenue on Friday evening when the attacker struck.

A Metropolitan Police spokesman said the actor was unharmed but a knife had "penetrated the clothing" of a 44-year-old, possibly Slater's minder.

A knife was recovered from the scene, but no arrests have been made.

Slater's role in the West End show, made famous by Hollywood actor Jack Nicholson in the 1975 film, came to an end on Saturday.

His co-stars included Frances Barber and Mackenzie Crook, renowned for his role as Gareth Keenan in TV comedy The Office.

The actor hit the headlines in August when his UK stage debut at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe was delayed after he contracted chickenpox.

His big-screen credits include Interview With The Vampire, Broken Arrow and True Romance.

I Knew It!

Bush Family Greeting Mistaken for Satanic Salute
"PA"
Many Norwegian television viewers were shocked to see President George Bush and his family apparently saluting Satan during his inauguration yesterday. And deaf American viewers were equally as surprised because to them it was a sign language obscenity.

But in reality, it was just a sign of respect for the University of Texas Longhorns sports teams, whose fans are known to shout out “Hook’em horns!” at games.

The president and family were photographed lifting their right hands with their index and little fingers raised up, much like a horn.But in much of the world those “horns” are a sign of the devil.

In Scandinavia, the hand gesture is popular among death metal and black metal groups and fans.“Shock greeting from Bush daughter,” read a headline in one Norwegian newspaper above a photograph of Jenna Bush, smiling and showing the sign.

The sign also means bulls*** in American Sign Language.

Thank Your Lucky Stars You Aren't Handicapped (Mentally and Physically)

You know, the snow is a real pain in the ass, mostly because Fairfield did a real shitty job of getting the roads cleared. But that's nothing (and I do mean nothing) compared to what it's like to be our favorite little helper, Wiggles.

After Wiggles left today I looked out the window and saw him struggling with his little pushcart trying to make his way to his car. He was having a real hard time, so when I looked out the window I went "Awww, poor Wiggles," at which point Jordan said "Really?" Then we looked out the window and shared a moment of humor/sadness as we watched Wiggles trying to triumph over his wintery adversary. Something tells me, though, that he won't let snow or freezing weather get him down. This is a man who doesn't let his MS (or whatever he has) and mental retardation get him down. He wears hats that say "Like I care" and enjoys such films as "Hellboy." Rock on, Wiggles. Fuck old man winter.

- Drew.

An Enraged Jeff Proclaims:

"My blog got erased - what the F?"

And

"My blog went to erased email heaven."

This is particularly funny because Jeff is really weird and hilarious and tiny, so when he gets all worked up it's even better. It's also really funny because Kina has been giving me a lot of flak lately for using the word "F" around my mom because I don't like to be THAT profane around the woman that gave birth to me. Like, "When the F is dinner?" and soforth.

Also, Lauren came up with a new term for an overzealous blog viewer: Bloghog.

D.

I Try to Describe Something I Watched on Discovery Channel Last Night and Fail Miserably

So, I come into work today and Jordan's crying (literally - his shirt was wet down the front) about how he got a flat tire at 1 a.m. and he had to wait for the tow truck in the subzero weather and blah-blah-blah... Then, after patiently waiting for him to finish his sob story, I start to tell him an even more terrifying tale: the story of the dolphin murders. Or, more accurately, "The Dolphin Murders," cuz it was a documentary I watched last night on The Discovery Channel. Only, when I was trying to tell it, the shocking importance failed to translate.

"So, all these dolphins washed ashore and when they cut them open they found out that they all this internal damage like someone had beaten them up." And that's about as far as my story goes, because I fell asleep before it was over. But I'm pretty sure it had a showstopping conclusion, my guess is the dolphin murders were perpetrated by one of the following:

1.) A bat wielding octopus, because eight arms can do a hell of a lot of damage, especially when each one is swinging a bat.

2.) The evil dad from "Desperate Housewives."

3.) Two words: sea turtle

4.) Bill O'Reilly

5.) Some kind of underwater robot that was designed and programmed by the US government but became intelligent, broke away from its creators, and is now going on a transatlantic dolphin killing spree.

I hope to finish this fine program tonight and report back as to who the real culprit is. This is more exciting than the first season of "Murder One."

Drew.

spongebob = the moral enemy

so it just came to my attention that the reason so many people are 'turning gay' these days is the popular asexual childrens character: Spongebob Squarepants.
I knew it had to be soemthing like that.
When will it end? When will they stop targeting our children through cartoons? First it was the Teletubbies, now this. I think i'm going to write some letters to some people are get this shit straightened out.

here are some sexually alluring pictures i found on the internet by simplying searching for Spongebob Squarepants. any child could do this too.... scary thought, i know.

(OK, actually i couldnt get teh pictures to work on the Blog so just click on the links.. im sorry, this joke kinda lost the punchline now. nutz.)

http://www.petco.com/assets/product_images/3/3361993250B.jpg

http://www.allposters.com/IMAGES/FUN/2842.jpg

ill leave that with you people to think about.

more on this scandal later

-jordan

StormWatch 05 - storm of the century

So this was possibley the busiest weekend at Media Wave... ever, and now that we are through it, I wonder if it was all worth it?
Whenever Sam Champion predicts more than 1 inch of snow this whole town goes CRAZY.
We had lines in that went from the registers in the front of the store and went ot the back wall of the store, then curved around and ran back up to the front of the store. People were waiting online for up to 45 minutes and renting no less than 8 movies each. and this was after they spent 2 hours in the super market buying out all the bread and milk. Understandable behavior if we are in alaska and they predict a blizard of monstrous proportions that would have us snowed in for a week, or even a few days. But the fact is that it started snowing saturday afternoon, got worse in the early evening, but continued to snow light fluffy snow until the very early morning (if even that). Not only did i get home from work last night at 10pm, but i got to work today at 11pm. (yes, it was thanks in part to Paul's 4 wheel drive car and his legally insane determination to always have the store open).
My point is... thanks for the cash, People of Fairfield, but what was the big deal?
You're all mad if you ask me, and if you are reading my blog you have electronically asked me.

So StormWatch 05 is over, when are you going to get time to watch all those movies and eat all that bread?

you might be asking yourself 'hey buddy, what do you care?'
i really dont aside from 2 things. 1. my interest in strange behavior of people and 2.I had to work non-stop like a madman for 10 hours straight serving lines of people out the nutting door.
and even worse than that it means that we are going to be doing NUTLOADS of returns for the next 3 days. like insane amount of movies to return, and if you only knew how long and tedious a process that was you would understand.

anyway, i hope you people are happy.

-jordan

DOOOOOGGGGG

"Born on a mountain, raised in a cave. Arresting fugitives is all I crave."

-Dog The Bounty Hunter

aka the new media wave slogan

You can run, but Dog'll get you!
YES!
DOG RULES!!!!

First of All, Ninjas are Mammals

I once bought a t-shirt that read "I love ninjas with all of my body . . . including my pee pee." So I was super excited to hear of Jordan's great ninja gang idea. According to Drew my ninja nickname is "Princess Death Grip" . . . but I feel like that's not scary enough and for some reason I can't stop thinking that it could somehow, by the perverse minds of the Media Wave employees, be construed as a sexual reference. Hopefully I can think of a name befitting the kick-ass outfit I believe I'll be wearing on one of our many fast-food holdups; the required tuxedo t-shirt in a child's size, black pants, black heels, and the most amazing fanny pack you've ever seen, equipped with some ninjastars, a pipe, my customized sword, and some Chanel lipgloss in Juicy Apple. What's the good of a ninja if her lips aren't shiny?

If you'd like to find out more about ninjas including the history of ninja-dom, their hatred of pirates, or just want to know the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions, such as this one; "Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas? A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.", then you should check out the Official Ninja Website - realultimatepower.net. Its actually really really funny and bizarre and even features a picture taken in our den of the kid that lived here before (the one eating the frisbee).

And just so everyone is clear, the three main facts about ninjas are these; 1). Ninjas are mammals. 2). Ninjas fight ALL the time. 3). The purpose of a ninja is to flip out and kill people. Princess Death Grip (a.k.a. Kina)

Let the Sunshine In

So I see a friend of mine at the theater the other night. This is a sort of a friend of a friend’s family, someone who I will occasionally babysit for or perhaps lift something of theirs that’s unpleasantly heavy or sticky. I haven’t seen her in a while, haven’t even seen her snot-nosed son, but I start talking to her, chatting about this, that, and the other thing. The opportunity arises, so I start to whore myself out: “So, if you and John [her husband] are going out of town, be sure to call me, because I’d be more than happy to come over and sit for you.”

She asks me about my cat allergies because once I spent the night at their house and woke up the next day looking like an extra from “Night of the Living Dead.” (It was a big clue that I had cat allergies; a visit to the allergist would alter confirm the obvious.) I told her about my mom had invited Cashmere, the homosexual secret agent cat, to live in our house. So far, all the cat does is constantly annoy me and stealthily sneak around, looking for open containers of food (since we live in squalor, he/she finds a lot). The cat can’t meow, which is kind of pathetic and kind of funny but adds to its silent, shadow-like deadliness.

Anyway…

She tells me that she can only clean once Sunshine is out of the house. And then she says Sunshine again, in the context of a human being. Like there’s someone I don’t know who is named Sunshine. I think I’d be pretty fucking sure if I knew someone named Sunshine, and am very surprised it wasn’t while I was a student at Hampshire College (Amherst, Massachusetts). It takes several more minutes to figure out that she’s talking about her son, JOHN JR., who is my age and who graduated with Kung Fu Leroy and me. Two questions immediately arise:

1.) Did she give John Jr. (who we refer to as Little John, since her husband is roughly as tall and wide as a fire station) the nickname Sunshine? Why? And if she did give him this name - - is this widely known? Ws I supposed to know, or was I left off the mailing list?
2.) Did John Jr. give himself the nickname Sunshine? Or does he now want to be called Sunshine? Keep in mind he goes to school at the Rhode Island School of Design. Someone drank the Kool-Aid, me thinks…

Then I had to come out of my stupor/confusion and continue to have a conversation with this woman. It was really fucking weird, but I do resolve to call John Jr. by the name Sunshine. Just the other day I said “Well, it’s one of Sunshine’s favorite movies.” I kept a straight face for about three-point-two seconds afterwards before busting a gut. Still, I want to make sure I call him Sunshine from now on. Jesus Christ, this was a weird posting.

Drew.

The Brief History of Joining A Stealthy Ninja Death Squad

Hello, this is Drew Taylor, aka Mongoose-Death-Ray, checking in to let you know the progress of Jordan’s ninja gang, Land of the Rising Sunburn, whose slogan is “Hot Steel, Cold Justice.” Last night we went to Duchess, asked for a double-chee, and sliced this dude’s head off. Then we stole some quarters from the register and played Cruisin’ USA until the break-of-break-of dawn. Jordan (also known as Kung Fu Leroy) did the killing, but I must say that I SLAYED Jordan on the video game. Get it? Get it?

So far we’ve devoted a lot of time to Eastern philosophy, which I don’t really understand but involves lots of periods of extended silence, followed promptly by repeated listenings of “Todo Mi Amor Eres Tu.” Kung Fu Leroy tells me that it “keeps us in the ninja game,” but I think it’s pretty stupid.

Tonight we’re going to knock over a liquor store and get stinking drunk, then maybe play some “Ultra Bust-a-Move.” Being a ninja rules.

watch your back duchess, we're comin

after being inspired by Drew's ninja article, I've decided (probably not for the first time...) to start a Ninja Gang.
We will start with McDonalds, or other fast food resturaunts, or maybe like ice cream stores or something. We don't necessarily need to rob places that have a ton of cash, just places that have things we want to eat at the time.
I have 2 fake plastic samurai swords from halloween that we can use until we can afford real samurai swords.. hopefull we will aquire Hanzo swords if possible.
Anyone who joins need to bring their own pipe, so that if the situation should arrise we can give anyones noggin' a floggin'.
I think it would be fun to dress all in black except the black shirt should be one of those tuxedo shirts. we would frighten people but at the same time make them chuckle to themselves.

and we need to have an awesome name for our ninja squad, like Cobra-Kai Ninjas. I know that was already used in Karate Kid, but we could come up with something cool like that.

any of you people reading can join as long as you can pass a toughness test. im not sure what exactly this will entail, but i'll figure it out.
Meetings will be held at Media Wave.
check back for further info.

Signing Out,
Jordan, Leader and Spiritual Guide, Cheif Boot-knocker and Ass-kicker.



(ill have to work on my official title. and we can all come up with awesome code names for ourselves so when i see a 16 year old duchess employee heading for the emergency button i can yell out to my fellow ninja and say "Hey Cobra-Steel, get your pipe and start floggin' that noggin'!" or something)

Ninjas: Even a Problem in Canada

Some news stories are too good to pass up, so I thought I'd reprint this article for all of your viewing enjoyment...


Thief with samurai sword robs Winnipeg McDonald's
Last Updated Mon, 17 Jan 2005 15:24:38 EST
CBC News
WINNIPEG - A man brandishing a samurai sword forced his way through the drive-thru window to rob a McDonald's restaurant in Winnipeg on Sunday.

The thief, who also wielded a pipe, climbed through the window at about 5:30 a.m. He held the sword to the throat of the restaurant's 17-year-old manager, forcing him to open a back door to an accomplice.

The robbers bound three employees with duct tape and forced the manager to give them cash.
They tied him up and fled the restaurant, which is located in the southern part of the city at Pembina Highway and Chancellor Drive.

The victims, who weren't injured, eventually freed themselves and called police.
Winnipeg police commended staff for how they handled the situation.

"A male coming to a drive-thru window armed with a sword and a pipe is going to be intimidating for anyone, let alone this 17-year-old manager," said Const. Shelly Glover.
"These employees did a fantastic job, given the trauma that they were obviously suffering."

Police said the suspects wore balaclavas, sunglasses and dark clothing. They didn't say how much money was taken.

Back in the Saddle Again

So… I’m back in school. It’s my third glorious semester at University of Connecticut, Stamford campus. For those of you not in the know, this campus has a privileged and illustrious past: it used to be a Bloomingdale’s. Now, as a nickname, I call it Bloomy’s. Sometimes, in between classes, I’ll pretend like I’m picking out slacks, or will try to picture where the customer service desk was. If I’m caught daydreaming or staring into space/time by one of my classmates (or “fellow shoppers,” as I like to think of them), I’ll just let them know that they didn’t have the six or color that I was looking for, and have sunk into a deep, dark depression about it. No one ever understands what I’m talking about. And check this out – the library has started charging us to print off the computer. TEN CENTS A PAGE. What the F? Jesus, Mary, and Da Vinci that blows. If it’s that way in the computer lab I might have to start a revolt. A revolt of the sexy variety. In fact, a sexual revolution.

Today’s the 20th, Inauguration Day of our fine President George W. Bush. As a protest, you’re not supposed to buy anything, which is quite alright with me as I stocked up on Mountain Dew yesterday to get ready. There really aren’t words that can describe how much I hate that man, although I imagine it’s somewhere along the lines that Jordan hates the “I’m Lovin’ It” ads.

God bless America.

Drew

thank heaven for little girls

so this cute little girl came in with her MILF mom and even though she was being a total brat she was really cute.. anyway, when they left the mom asked the girl to say thank you to me, so she goes
'thank you crazy daisy'
im not sure what to make of that. is it something to do with my appearance or just something this mixed up young mind came up with? usually when little kids make comments or use names for me they tend to be insulting in some manor, but i think i like that name. so from now on everyone can call me Crazy Daisy.

dontcha just love little girls?
(cute girl seen here---> )

-jordan

Famous Comedian Jordan Clifford shown here with average joe Dane Cook and partner in customer service Drew Taylor. Fuck yea 

Kina Loves Nuts

Only recently have I realized something that makes me truly weird: on any average day I will probably say "Awwww nuts." about fifteen times. If I play video games that day, you can add about twenty "Awww nuts." to the count. Usually I say it in my head but last night I caught myself saying it out loud, in the completely deserted kitchen, late at night, to myself. I came in to the kitchen in a good mood and was highly annoyed to not find any clean spoons for me to use - and an "Awww nuts." just popped out. I think I may have actually laughed at myself once I realized I was talking to myself. But either way, I thought I'd share it with you people, since its truly bizarre. Kina

i hate oprah

i dont care what anyone says, or how much she gives to people or anything - i hate oprah.
i get the displeasure of watching my 3 least favorite things on tv while im on the computer in my moms room
1.lifetime channel
2.oprah (does that count if its on a lifetime-life channel?)
3.sci fi channel movies/original series (dont ask why my mom watches that, i dont know)

in case you all dont know, the computer in my room isnt hooked up to the internet right now so all my computer time equals time spent in my moms room with her comptuer, which equals watching whatever show my mom is watching as well. It is sort of a dream of mine that just ONCE she could bring herself to actually watch an episode of GOOD tv like THE SIMPSONS, but tonight- like so many other nights, she had a chance to watch the simpsons but turned it off to watch Oprah. *sigh*

oprah, seen here:


and here on the Disabled Celebrities website..



the audience in Oprahs studio angers me the most. They are the most sheep-like of any audience in recent memory. Oprah is not that funny, but ANYTHING she says is an absolute riot according to the audience. i dont get it.
It's as if she purposely tries to have the 'right' mix of the Strong Female, The Big Woman, and the Sassy Black Woman. What about being black makes you have to speak like you're an uneducated inner-city child? I'm sure oprah is extremely well educated and very intelligent, so it leads me to believe that randomly speaking like she's a home-girl is a choice.

im not really going anywhere with this and im kind of tired of writing about oprah. she just pisses me off, and i fucking hate the lifetime network and ANYTHING on it. Except golden girls, if its on lifetime. i dont know. Anything else though, especially their original movies.

sorry for making no sense and going nowhere.

-jordan

and here are a few more pictures of oprah i found when i googled her:







and the first lady with Media Wave's hero: George Bush

In Response to Jordan in Response to Me

Thank you for that slap of reality Jordan, I'll try to keep any other good thoughts locked away in my head. But really, your response was unnecessary since I realized I had been too quick to say life didn't suck, as I dunked my entire white-shirt-covered-elbow in Chipotle sauce at work around noon. I made a fist with my other hand, waved it at the sky, and screamed "Not funny!". Not really, but I wish I had. Either way, I learned my lesson - God slapped me upside the head and said "Not so quick toots." . . . At least I hope he/she uses the word toots. So in conclusion, I apologize for my cheerfulness, consider it a 24-hour virus. Kina

response to kina

Kina, there is no room for hope or optimism in (Media Wave, or) this blog. I thought you understood that, i guess i was wrong.

you really let me down this time.



by the way... you're at the peak in your life right now, so dont look foward to it getting much better than this, sister.


-jordan

Kina's Super Corny Epiphany (don't read while eating)

Tonight I had an epiphany. Really, I did. I realized, that sometimes, when you dust it off and look at it at the right angle, my life doesn’t suck. For a year now, I had been under the impression that it did - that God had a sick sense of humor and I had missed the punch line. But tonight as I walked to the kitchen for some double-stuffed Oreos, I realized that maybe my life could turn around and that, giving me Drew as an older brother was really the only joke God had played on me. Sure, I’ve packed my bags and boarded the Crazy Train a few times this past year, but I came to my senses and got off at the first possible stop. And while I may lose my cool a few times in 2005, I’m just thankful that I didn’t buy that lifetime train ticket that someone keeps trying to sell me. I want nothing to do with the Crazy Train anymore, nothing to do with anyone who is riding on it, rode on it, or is trying desperately to sit next to the captain of it. Because, while I still amuse myself by thinking of therapy and how fun it would be to pay someone to listen to me bitch and moan about my life - I’ve stared real crazy in the face and quite frankly its sad, lonely, and scary and that is something I’d rather not deal with just yet. I also came to the realization of how lucky I am. I am surrounded by people who take care of me, listen to me whine, talk crap about the people I’m pissed at, and in general give me something to look forward to when things are looking pretty bad (and believe me, things have never gotten as bad as they did in 2004). My fellow kings have always been there to talk, sympathize, make me laugh, and in Meggie’s case - make everything as uncomfortable as possible. The boys of Media Wave are always there for hugs and chick flicks that are so corny I vomit, but afterward smile. My partner in crime, Drew is always there with encouraging words such as "Tricky love da kids.", "Yea, but she's a troll and a hob-goblin is way better than a troll.", and "What the f?" And while mom still thinks she’s being super slick, I know about the bat phone she uses when I have one of my break downs ; "Drew, your sister was cryin’ today. Take her to a movie and make her feel better." I just thought I’d share this with all of cyberspace because a) I find it endlessly boring to write in a journal that no one but yourself will ever read , b) apparently this isn’t really a Media Wave blog anymore, and c) there is so much complaining and negativity on this site that I thought I’d lighten the mood. Things can only go up from here, right? . . . . Right? Kina

mucho gusto

i just wanted to let our faithful public know that todays music selection included Michael Jackson singing in spanish.
Todo mi amor eres tu!
media wave loves michael, or miguel, or whatever.

just another reason to come into media wave

-jordan

eat my dust

so the other day i was driving to work and (since i have 1 strike left until i go to Driver Retraining Class) i'm not at all concerned about speeding to get there, so needless to say I'm going at a nice and legal speed. I get onto Elm street and knowing there are kids on that street, Children At Play signs and angry parents watching for young speeders, I go even slower trying to respect their wishes. So I'm cautiously cruising along at 25 miles an hour, or less, and this fucking dickhead guy is walking his dog with his like 10 year old son and gives me the international "I'm-a-jerk-and-I-think-I-can-tell-you-to-slow-down-by-waving-my-hands-in-a-downward-motion" signal. I HATE THAT. i was already fucking going slow to respect his moron childs life, which I dont actually respect at all. I was going as slow as I possibley could, and as if i wasnt even trying, as if i was speeding at 45 with my eyes closed in front of a handcapped childrens school bus, he has the nerve to call me out and try and tell me how to drive.

so i turned right back around and plowed over him while his son watched.
so fine, i didnt kill his son and thats all i think he wanted.

bah.

sundays are gay.

-jordan

Down in Fraggle Rock, Just Not in Media Wave

Speaking of great TV shows, one must speak about “Fraggle Rock,” Jim Henson’s trippy, peace-and-love HBO series about subterranean hippies and their tiny, Vern Troyer-like worker slaves (called Dozers) that make their architecture out of pixie stix... Anyway, this amazing show is now on DVD but guess what? Media Wave, Showcase of Depravity and Sometime Video Store, doesn’t have it yet. And yet, my sister’s birthday is tonight and her goddamn ring tone is the catchy “Fraggle Rock” theme and now I gotta bus my ass over to Border’s to buy it from our competitor. But, while I’m there, I’m going to see if they have the new issue of Playboy, with Teri Polo (from “Meet the Parents/Fockers”) and a special section on “The Girls of Fear Factor”. Yowza. Anyway: shame on you, Media Wave. Shame on you. (But much thanks to TVShowsonDVD.com, you guys kick all ass.)

How Much Could Pain Could 40 Million Solve?

I think Jordan is forgetting one thing when he talks about war criminal/ “President” Bush’s inauguration: Kid Rock is going to be performing. Kid Fucking Rock. Doesn’t that just rule? Who cares how much he’s spending on the inauguration, or that the opulence seems to be in direct contrast with the failing economy (who made it fail? I forget…). I mean, it’ll be great that so many Americans will be able to watch the inauguration, with its pompous rich white guys, fireworks, and media events from the small, scratchy television located right above the Unemployment Line. Then there’s the whole notion that it should be a low-key, somber affair given the thousands dead or dying in Iraq (which we are instrumental in), the thousands more dying in the Sudan (which we have turned our back to), and the thousands that have died in the tsunami (which we have written off with a teensy-weensy check, hoping globally it will be accepted as enough). I guess when we’ve got a President that spends over one billion dollars a week on a war that was built on lies and is costing incalculable human losses, what’s forty million here or there? It’s yet another testament to the lack of shame the Republicans have: No matter how many people die, we’re still gonna throw one hell of a party for a man who values nothing more than greed, corruption, violence, and stupidity. Yee haw.

You Know What I Love? Television.

If there’s one dream I have, one that fills my mind night in, night out, it’s the dream in which I get paid for watching television. I don’t want to be paid to review television, for E! Online or Entertainment Weekly, because that would mean that I would actually have to be critical of shows that come to me, every week, delivering hours upon hours of free, completely engrossing entertainment. I have no interest in nit-picking the details or plot holes of Jack Bauer’s felony-fueled attempts to do the right thing. I just want to watch him break the law, again and again, knowing that he’ll bring those terrorists down by the end of one very long day.

All I want is to be paid for sitting in front of the television, enjoying my shows. Because isn’t that what everyone tells you – “do what you love?” I love watching television. Now I want to get paid for it.

Instead of being paid every hour, I’d be paid every commercial break, which may actually force me to watch televised sports. Things that I would eat and drink would come directly from the television ads, so that I would be able to identify and comment. “Yes, the new chicken wings at TGI Friday’s really are out of this world!” I’d say, my gut growing ever expansively.

People have said that television is on the upswing this year because more shows that have scripts are popular again. But I say: who cares? Sure, there are some crackerjack new shows this season but that’s not like I wouldn’t watch it. Instead of being wowed that “The Apprentice” took a new turn with its Street Smart vs. Book Smart face-off (and, similarly, next season of “Real World”/”Road Rules” challenge will be Heroes vs. Villains), I’d just watch it. And if things got really bad then I’d just buy a cable box and give “Carnivale” another shot.

I give so much of my life to television, it’s unreal. And I don’t want wispy little half hour sitcoms, it’s all hour long dramas for me. That’s a lot of time. When the majority of my friends go back to school, it’s the people inside my gorgeous 30” widescreen TV that pick up the slack. Fuck Charles, Mike, and Ben. I’ve got Allan Shore, Veronica Mars, and all of the Desperate Housewives.

Now, I’d say television give something back. And when I say something, what I mean is money. Hopefully this new dream will be a lot more successful than the one about a free but robot-filled Tibet.

Setting my TiVo now… [Bloop-bloop]

- Drew.

you people make me sick

Our govenment (that the people of this country elected, by the way) is spending 40 MILLION dollars on the ceremony for Bush's inauguration.
FORTY MILLION DOLLARS. on a party for a rich war monger and his rich friends.
Couldnt that money be used for something slightly less frivilous?
I dont care if the money comes from people donating to Bush or his benefactors or if its comign from santa clause or something, how do these rich men sleep at night knowing they willingly give up money they dont need to party with other rich men when they could be helping SO MANY people in need everywhere in the world?

its hard for me to sleep knowing that, these men should be shot.

speaking of priorities out of wack in this country, the biggest story in the news is BRAD and JENN splitting up. Good lord how ridiculous.
I was watching some retrospective of their relationship on tv, and its like these entertainment news channels think they can actually track their relatiopnship with press photos and movie premiere appearances. Celebrity life is not reality even for the celebrities... who fucking cares about any of this? it disgusts me.

-jordan

Oh my God, Becky. Look at her butt! Its just so . . . big!

It was inevitable - the day when I, Kina Taylor, would weasel my way onto the Media Wave blog. I was once the creator of my very own blog - the now defunct, mksbodaciousblog . . . but alas . . . Meggie is far too busy cleaning up little presents left for her by her boyfriend at the foot of her bed, and quite frankly I'm not funny enough to carry a blog by myself. So this is how I teamed up with the freaks of Media Wave. I think that I can give the three other people who know about this blog a taste of the characters behind the counter (Jordan, Jeff, and Drewdels) on their off time. I'll write about Jordan's love of cross-dressing, Jeff's foot-fetish, and Drew's normal day (which is more twisted and perverse than anything I could make up) - because, unfortunately, I know a lot about them. So - I'd just like to welcome myself to the blog because I feel fairly certain that nobody else will and in response say "Thanks. I'm glad to be here."

Want some money? Wanna Viper? Like my body?, Kina

i wish i was having a snowball fight

it snowed tonight, and while it ruined my plans of going to a movie in norwalk, i absolutely love going outside late at night when its snowing. its one of the most serene things you can do. e'rybody should try it.


-jordan ( i know that post sounded kinda girly, but fuck you)

to manly it up a bit, i really with i had people around to have a snowball fight. i dont have any snow gear right now, i dont even know if i have gloves but i woudlnt care i would use bare hands and make the most killer snowballs ever. maybe i should try and peg some neighborhood kids, but kids are so stupid cause they have school and therefor wont be outside at 11pm... losers.
snowball fights rule. oh well

as if clever bumper stickers werent enough

ok, first id like to start this post by stating my new intentions once and for all: this is obviously slightly more than a "Media Wave"-only blog since we got pinched by the boss man. So from time to time i'm going to use it as an outlet for whatever the nutz i wanna talk about, because a few people out there seem to read it.

what is with this country's strange obsession with "supporting" something through the ever-effective form of bumper stickers or car appendages?
It started (well, i started noticing it on a national level) after Sept. 11th with those ridiculous american flags on peoples cars, and the numersous styles of american flag bumper stickers and 'i heart america' paraphanalia everyone suddenly ran out to buy. Of course, buying bumper stickers and car-size flags did indeed put money back in the country's economy (and we are all thankful) but I don't think that was the reason. I don't actualy know what the reason is for this idiotic at. If you don't have a bumper sticker/ car-flag on your vehicle did everyone else think you support the terrorists?

thats my question now with this fucking retarded "Support Our Troops" ribbon stickers that have suddenly sprung up. Who do you think you are to put that on your car? I don't have one, and never will.. does that imply that i DONT support our troops? or that i support terrorists? What human being does not support other human beings? Who actually does NOT support the troops? I dont support the war, I dont support the president who started the war and who sent the troops to war that is for all the wrong reasons. But more to the point, WHO CARES? who fucking cares that you choose to make public something that everyone already does.

I cant stand driving on the highway and seeing every other car with at least one ribbon stick on their car. I've never even seem them for sale anywhere, where and how do you get them? and why? what makes people so passionate about this to say 'i need to physically show that i too support our troops! how can i do this? perhaps there is a bumper sticker, that way i can get my message to as many people as possible! Awesome!"

It was bad enough when all I had to know about other drivers was that they wasted their money on stupid bumper stickers like "DONT BE A DICK" and "My other car is a broom" or whatever. You know those stupid bumper stickers people have. I wish i could remember more, but its not worth my time. So now i have to know what GENERALLY ACCEPTED causes people support, like... OUR COUNTRY, and OUR TROOPS.
thank you, everyone. thanks for sharing.

I'm gonna get a bumper sticker in the shape of a ribbon that says "I SUPPORT THE BUMPER STICKER MARKET" or "I AGREE WITH YOU" or something.

by the way, anyone who has read to this point - id like to thank you. i know that when im reading someone's post that is this long i start to lose interest or dont even finish. so thanks for reading.

-jordan

Fried Chicken

another quote from yet an awesome matt helper," we got shit to do today mattttt....we gotta go shoppppin...gota get suntin to eattttttttttt...betta put yo brakes on...betta recognizeee!!!"

Anyways Jeff here and i bring you the shoutout fo the day foo'

*Bill Post of Glen Harbor new york! youre our todays shoutout of the day winner

for those of you that dont know that is the real inventor of pop-tarts...lets hear it for Billy Boy.

great movie titles

we just got a documentary called "Unforgivable Blackness"

but when you think about it, isnt all blackness unforgivable?


great title.

customers i want to be adopted by:

as much as i hate most customers, as rude and stupid as most of them are, there are the choice few that make it all worth while (kind of).
Yesterday one of my favorite customers came in and gave me and drew gift cards to Borders as a present. Isnt that just lovely? i was overcome, she is so fucking awesome. Not only is she really nice but she is also smart and funny and has good taste in movies and shows respect to her fellow man. So rare these days.
There was one other awesome customer that comes to mind who moved to Ohio or something. So sad, because she was a really good cook and would come in with large batches of cookies and brownies for us. she also happens to be really cute, and had a really cute daughter as well.
oh my..


anyway, just a thought... there are SOME good customers/people out there.

-jordan, reprezentin

hey, fuck you too

so i walk into work the other day and drew is helping this guy who i already know to be really annoying, and i walk in and say hi to Paul and Drew and this annoying customer in front of drew goes

"wow, you look like you just woke up, huh?"

and then i said "really? thanks so much dickwad, you look like you have downsyndrome"
then i jumped over the counter using a flying jumpkick and destroyed him.

ok, that second part didnt happen... but only because he might actually be mildly retarded in some way. im not sure, so i didnt say anything mean.
but how rude is that to say to someone? And unlike today, that day i did NOT just wake up, roll out of bed and come to work. I do not appreciate some ballsmoking customer telling me im not looking so hot today. especially a customer i dont have any kind of relationship with. who the fuck is that guy? he's so lucky paul was there or i woulda whopped his bitch ass.

i hate customers. just like that customer drew wrote about who said some rude comment about his music. people do that all the time. we dont play music that is avant garde or offensive to anyone, but if there something on that isnt totally smooth and accesible to the WEBE 108 crowd they have to say something to us like "Hey, this must be a selection from 'Music To Kill Yourself By'" or "This music makes me want to fall onto a knife" or something wildly clever and rude like that. Did the thought cross your head that perhaps the person you are speaking to purposely put the music on and therfor would not be in agreement with your negative attitude toward it and might get offended and fucking pissed off.

anyway, customers suck, but i love you


-jordan

wow

wow.. she told matt " You betta recogniiiize!"

not just that but she said it in teh context of putting returns away. why cant we ever be that awesome?

man, black people are awesome!!

-jordan

media wave = off da hook

so we have a young disabled chap named matt come in and do returns for us on mondays. he is a delightful guy, always laughing and saying funny things... we cant always understand what he says, but the few things we've got out of him is:
"i dont give a damn about shit!"
"Hellboooy is my boooy!"
i cant remember anymore.. but he comes in with a hat that say "TROUBLE" on it and a shirt that says "LIKE I CARE" on it.
this kid has attitude, and everyone knows it now.

He also has a few different helpers on different days and the best one is this crazy black woman who treats matt like a gangsta pimp. she comes up with the funniest things to say.. for instance:
she calls his wheelchair a cadillac. "matt, put the breaks on yo cadillac boy!"
today while they were putting new releases away she got confused by our system of organization and she was like
"this place is CRAZY! i dunno how you got this shit organized, its off da hook!"

she just said that matt likes to follow her around and goes "you follow me everywhere but the ladies room, but maybe thats where you should follow me with all them other ladies up in there! yea boyee"
well she didnt exactly say boyee, but still...

we love matt.
oh yea, one day the helper called him 'mr. wiggley legs' so we call him wiggles now.

-jordan

oh yea, i forgot to add a comment jeff made about Matt's helper:
"yo jordan, i bet she can fuck so hard"
he also ponders whether or not she gives Matt some soul lovin on the side...

So Are Adults

Moments after the kid leaves this dude comes up and he's like: "That's enough to get annoying." He's talking about my music. It's the "DFA Compilation #2,"
an album named in both Pitchfork Media and Spin Magazine's top 50 albums of 2004. It's pulsing, pounding, groovealiscious underground New York City dance rock, and it fucking rules. Sure, it can grow repeditive, but thus is the nature of dance. If I were playing the "Macarena," it'd be a fuckload more annoying but he probably wouldn't complain because it's slicker and more Anglo-acceptable. So, in response I don't get bitter and mean, like when this fuckwad commented on the music were playing one day (by the composer of "Amelie"). I did, in the words of my mother, "kill him with kindness." "This is the DFA Compilation #2, from the underground New York dance producers. But, thankfully, you came here for the movies not the music - how may I help you?" The rest of our interaction was normal and nice. When he left, I continued to dance my firm little ass off.

My clit runneth over.

D.

Little Kids Are Fucking Retarded, Annoying

So this chubby faced little shit comes in and goes: "Um, the sign that says your hours doesn't have a.m. or p.m., so it's a little confusing." Then he drums his hands on the countertop for a few minutes, so that my anger, frustration, and annoyance has time to properly stew. Then I retort "I don't think many people think a store would open at ten p.m. and stay open for only an hour." Then he goes "oh," makes a few ape-like grunts of resignation, and then goes over to the Xbox games to continue his reign of terror/stupidity. And this kid wasn't some doe-eyed youngster, he was at least 12. After you turn ten, it's time to grow up and start being interesting.

After he was looking around the games he got into some kind of discussion (I don't understand moron) with his father, and then decided to check the drop box to see if he had returned a game. So he stands there, peering into the little slot looking for a game that he can't remember if he returned fifteen seconds earlier. So I dig in and bring out the contents of the basket: a "Spider-Man 2" DVD. No game. But he keeps peering. Either you returned it or you didn't, and you know which one you did. Looking down the slot isn't going to make the game appear if you didn't drop it off. Yeesh. I wish and hope for the miraculous: a giant crab hand to come shooting out of the return slot, ripping off this kid's face in an orgy of chaos and retribution. Sadly, this never comes.

Fucking kids.

1 more reason R. Kelly is a GENIUS

as if we needed another reason to worship every word R. Kelly says, Drew and I were looking through iMixes on iTunes and we found one called "Jerry's Quiet Storm" mix. We couldnt pass that one up, and on it we found an R. Kelly song with one of his best lines ever in a song called "The Greatest Sex":
"if we keep this up a love child will be born..
because of the greatest.... sex"

kelly, you've done it again.


-jam master jordan

im gonna shove that phone up your ass, asshole.

the following is taken from my rarely-written-in journal from a 3am rant about people are their god damn cell phones:

What is wrong with people?
I walked into the public bathroom and heard
"it's supposed to be hard!"
um...
who could this man be talking to and what is he refering to?
Being in a men's bathroom I immediately assumed the answers to my questions were: Another man, and his penis. repsectively.
But I was wrong. The real answers were: He was talking to his child ON HIS CELLPHONE, and it was his homework that was 'supposed to be hard'. I guess that is fortunate for me, but not for our cellphone obsessed culture. Before recently would you be able to reasonably expect a grown man to be talking on his cell phone in a public bathroom while standing at a urinal and peeing while speaking to ANYONE let alone his child? No. No one should be having open/personal conversations at the urinal, that is freaky and awkward enough. Imagine how awkward it is when you realize he isnt talking to you or any other person, he's talking into the phone that is skillfully being held to his ear with his shoulder while the other arm struggles to assist him in the usually pain-free, no-skills-necessary task of peeing.

And this man was mid-conversation when I walked in AND when i left, in the same contorted position, paying no attention or worry to who enters the bathroom which means that he had probably finished peeing and went on with his conversation anyway. In other words, instead of waiting for a more convenient time to talk, he worked his peeing around his conversation, not the other way around. People do this all the time when driving, but the urinal scenario is far more strange and (so far) less common - or so i think. But who knows nowadays.

It used to be that rich people owned what was once refered to as a CAR PHONE - a helpful device used mostly in emergencies. A good thing to have if you need it, provided you could afford it. I'm sure many people way back in the dark ages actually declined on owning one because they couldn't justify it. People would drive safely home with only their radio/tape/CD players, travel coffee mugs and yelling kids to distract their driving ability. They'd wait til they got home to tell their friends/family where they'd been and what they'd been doing, instead of describing it step by step as it happens to them over the phone. I'm surprised anyone even knows what they did on any given day because instead of saying "I went to the video store today" they would probably be better off saying "Sue called me while i was out today - now somehow I have a movie rental with me." Peoples conversations are sooo important now that I'd think those would be more easily remembered than what important things were going on DURING the cell phone conversation. I guess everyday experiences werent enough for people, they had to enhance everything by talking on the phone during it.

What are people talking about, anyway? Who has all that to say and all those people to talk to? Isnt it funny how something that was totally unneccesary before it was invented suddenly becomes vital to everyones life just because it is available? Talking on the phone is fine, but doesn't it occur to you that when you have soemthing to do or someone else to talk to you should talk on your cell phone afterwards? Now i can bring it back to relate to Media Wave:

From this moment on I refuse to help any customer who comes up to the counter on their cell phone. Their are some just semi-rude people who will tell their chat-buddy to hold on while they are checking their video out, but there are several other people who have asked ME to HOLD ON for a sec so they can talk on the phone! In fact, from now on when someone comes to me trying to get me to help them while they are on their phone, im going to take my phone out and start talking. Maybe i'll pretend to be calling someone, maybe i really will call someone. It doesnt matter. But I will not ask someone 6 times for their last name, or for their pin number because im waiting for them to pay attention to me. I certainly wont tell them when their movies are due if they are too busy talking to their idiot friend who is probably on line at the Gap at that moment pissing off another retail clerk somewhere.
Does anyone have any fucking sense anymore? Any manners? There is such a thing as cell phone ediquette. NEWS FLASH to anyone who pulls that shit: YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT! your conversation is not important. Being kind and curdious to people is important. Because next time you come in the store telling me to hold on cause you're on your cell phone I will turn you around, take your head out of your ass where it normally is, and shove your oh-so-important cell phone up it.

sso the moral of the story is:
I didnt' think peeing at the public urinal could possibley be enhanced in anyway, its already awesome as it is, but now I know how wrong I was.

thank you.

-jordan

"gum went up"

this just in:
gum prices go up in the us. thanks a lot, bush.
gas prices finally go down, and they getya with raising the gum prices. they always get you somehow. it might have to do with paying for aid for the tsunami victims, im not sure. frankly, if i had to choose i would choose lower gum prices. maybe thats just me....

shout out of the day: mike, pauls dad for coming in acting like he is paul. he comes here twice a week to do all the jobs that no one else wants to do/should have to do, and then tells us to do them. also, he ripped up the carpet to try and fix it and ended up ruining the whole thing. then put a big orange cone on top of it so people wouldnt step on it... whats the point.

-jc superstar

WWW.IMBACKSHITEATERS.COM

YOOOOOOOOOOO DAHHHOWWWWWWWWGSSSS!!! Guess whos back fuckers!!!!! well if you couldnt tell by my mispelled words and very poor punctuation its JEFFFFFFFFFFF....(yo daogs). ok sunday night here and i havnt posted shit in a light year or so....yea so anyways i really got nothing to say right now, but ill give you the past shoutout of the day for the last couple of days or so....
Shoutouts:

Xmas: Jesus ...what up nigga
Dec 26th: Ben Roesthlisberger from the pittsburgh steelers
27th: Tsunami wave ...wow thats wrong
28th:George dub-ya: Gas prices ive notcied are down quite a bit recently...keep that oil drill pumpin in ur back yard dawggg!!! =) ...oops i mean IRAQ fuck head =(
29th:Jonathan Taylor Thomas
30th: The old school rap group and modern philosophers "ONYX"
31st: The verizon dude on the commercial that says "can u hear me now" (congratualtions!!!!!! yeaaaaa!!! you have just made my life more miserable)
Jan 1: Dick Clark...If men in black were a real life situation i think dick would be the first to get his ass a green card inspection.
Jan2: The man who created "boxing day" in Canada..nice
Jan 3: The Alphabet: because maybe the letters b-o-n-u-s will show up in my damn life soon.....lets go baby ima hopin...

your truly,

J holla aka 7 bitches

New Year, New Blog

Just wanted to point out that it is now 2005 and we are celebrating our second year in operation. 2005 will belong to this blog, motherfuckers.

- Drew

More Business, More Problems (A Novel 'Bout the 'Nami)

So this weekend was just about the most busy-fucking-weekend in the history of the world (the world being our codeword for Media Wave), which didn't stop me from antagonizing Paul and/or Jordan, Jeff, Chris, Kevin, customers, and that cute golden doodle puppy the O'Sheas brought by to show us. Some of the highlights:

1.) Asking Paul if our Christmas bonus would become our Easter bonus because we haven't gotten it yet, and probably won't get it until late spring. But oh well. I think returning from the dead is way cooler than being born, if we're going by the Official Christ Lifecycle Bonus Plan and Pie Chart.

2.) Announcing that we should rename the video store in consideration for the victims of the tsunami, which prompted Paul to "joke" that he would give our Christmas/Easter bonus to the tsunami relief fund. I actually thought it was a pretty good idea, until I realized that a.) Paul is a heartless Republican and b.) seeing as it really will be an Easter bonus and I overextended my spending limits for Christmas (buying things like mouthwash and turbine parts), I really fucking need the money.

3.) I pissed Kevin off by suggesting that his superiority complex makes him overly negative towards the job and, also, his handsome and clever coworkers. He then said "You don't want to get into it with me...", trailed off, and mentioned that he was almost ten years older than me (which naturally implies his wisdom, knowledge, and sexual experience).

4.) Got into a row with this guy about "Alias" DVDs because the first two seasons were bundled into two-disc sections by slimline cases (like the case for "Gladiator") but season 3 has this crazy whack-a-doo packaging which causes us to rent out each disc individually. So, this dude didn't take too kindly to the pricing being different, even though he'd been getting more than four hours of free programming for each disc he previously rented. The fuck. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Well, when you look at it from a value standpoint, you've been getting all these free hours everytime you rented.

This Asshole: I'm not looking at it from a value standpoint, I'm looking at it from a cosistency standpoint!!!! (spit flying from his yelling mouth)

Me (calmly): Okay, then we're inconsistent.

[The guy takes his DVDs which he already paid for, angrily, and stormed out.]

Dickhead of the Weekend (Customer Award): Allen Levy for asking us to get him a copy of the extended "Lord of the Rings" DVD by a certain time today, then telling Paul that he could "just go to Blockbuster." Fucking hate that guy.

Dickhead of the Weekend (Worker Award): Chris, for printing up a computerized reservation list on the busiest night of the year. Worst. Idea. Ever.

Also, a shoutout should be made to the drunken sluts that run Kina and Meggie's Bodacious Blog. We stopped by one of their affiliates house on New Year's Eve and Kina was drunk, belligerent, and horny (thankfully not towards me). She was dressed provocatively and cursed by a sailor. The same can be said of Meggie. Do you really want to read a blog written by a couple of snaggle-toothed slags? Didn't think so.

-Drew

there are no stupid questions, only stupid people

Customer: Where would I find Mary Poppins? the International Section?

Me and Drew: Uh....
seriously?



what is wrong with people?

old people

these two timid elderly people just came in and rented the two movies that completely defy their age group...
-malibu beach and the original kings of comedy.

for visual aid to see how strange this was for me to see:
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000056BOW.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
and
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00008DDI8.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

these old folks know how to party.

-jordan