Stupidity begets irritability

(original date: 3/25/06)

Here are some stupid questions I just don't understand someone asking, and the responses I'd like to give:
(almost every phone call is exactly like this, no exaggeration)

Caller: Yea...
Me: You start a phone call with 'yea'?
Caller: ... I was wondering if I could ask you a question?
Me: .... yea, yes, of course, why else would you call? go ahead, you're already wasting my time.
Caller: Ok can you check if you have a movie?
Me: .... No, actually we have no way to tell which movies we have. It's based on random luck. No, I'm kidding, of course. Fuck you. Obviously I can check if I have a movie, which movie??
Caller: Ok, it's a really old movie, you probably don't have it
Me: It's weird how you knew we didn't have it but called anyway. You're right, though. After all, why would a movie rental store have old movies?
Caller: It's really old, you've probably never heard it.
Me: You're right again. Also, I can't spell, so it'll be hard trying to look it up on this thing they call a com-pu-ter?
Caller: It's called Con Air? Do you have it? You probably don't.
Me: You're probably right, so I don't have to look it up. Excellent. Thanks for calling?