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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Friday, January 21, 2005

Let the Sunshine In

So I see a friend of mine at the theater the other night. This is a sort of a friend of a friend’s family, someone who I will occasionally babysit for or perhaps lift something of theirs that’s unpleasantly heavy or sticky. I haven’t seen her in a while, haven’t even seen her snot-nosed son, but I start talking to her, chatting about this, that, and the other thing. The opportunity arises, so I start to whore myself out: “So, if you and John [her husband] are going out of town, be sure to call me, because I’d be more than happy to come over and sit for you.”

She asks me about my cat allergies because once I spent the night at their house and woke up the next day looking like an extra from “Night of the Living Dead.” (It was a big clue that I had cat allergies; a visit to the allergist would alter confirm the obvious.) I told her about my mom had invited Cashmere, the homosexual secret agent cat, to live in our house. So far, all the cat does is constantly annoy me and stealthily sneak around, looking for open containers of food (since we live in squalor, he/she finds a lot). The cat can’t meow, which is kind of pathetic and kind of funny but adds to its silent, shadow-like deadliness.


She tells me that she can only clean once Sunshine is out of the house. And then she says Sunshine again, in the context of a human being. Like there’s someone I don’t know who is named Sunshine. I think I’d be pretty fucking sure if I knew someone named Sunshine, and am very surprised it wasn’t while I was a student at Hampshire College (Amherst, Massachusetts). It takes several more minutes to figure out that she’s talking about her son, JOHN JR., who is my age and who graduated with Kung Fu Leroy and me. Two questions immediately arise:

1.) Did she give John Jr. (who we refer to as Little John, since her husband is roughly as tall and wide as a fire station) the nickname Sunshine? Why? And if she did give him this name - - is this widely known? Ws I supposed to know, or was I left off the mailing list?
2.) Did John Jr. give himself the nickname Sunshine? Or does he now want to be called Sunshine? Keep in mind he goes to school at the Rhode Island School of Design. Someone drank the Kool-Aid, me thinks…

Then I had to come out of my stupor/confusion and continue to have a conversation with this woman. It was really fucking weird, but I do resolve to call John Jr. by the name Sunshine. Just the other day I said “Well, it’s one of Sunshine’s favorite movies.” I kept a straight face for about three-point-two seconds afterwards before busting a gut. Still, I want to make sure I call him Sunshine from now on. Jesus Christ, this was a weird posting.



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