The Brief History of Joining A Stealthy Ninja Death Squad

Hello, this is Drew Taylor, aka Mongoose-Death-Ray, checking in to let you know the progress of Jordan’s ninja gang, Land of the Rising Sunburn, whose slogan is “Hot Steel, Cold Justice.” Last night we went to Duchess, asked for a double-chee, and sliced this dude’s head off. Then we stole some quarters from the register and played Cruisin’ USA until the break-of-break-of dawn. Jordan (also known as Kung Fu Leroy) did the killing, but I must say that I SLAYED Jordan on the video game. Get it? Get it?

So far we’ve devoted a lot of time to Eastern philosophy, which I don’t really understand but involves lots of periods of extended silence, followed promptly by repeated listenings of “Todo Mi Amor Eres Tu.” Kung Fu Leroy tells me that it “keeps us in the ninja game,” but I think it’s pretty stupid.

Tonight we’re going to knock over a liquor store and get stinking drunk, then maybe play some “Ultra Bust-a-Move.” Being a ninja rules.