Korn singer could've been a legend in death, instead just a whiner in life

original date: 10/15/06

I was reading old music news stories from earlier this summer and I came across the headline “Korn Cancel Tour”, and being the dedicated Korn fan and jet set traveler that I am, I had to read on.

"Korn were forced to kancel the rest of their European tour after singer Jonathan Davis was diagnosed with immune thrombokytopenik purpura, a blood disorder. 'If I kontinued to headbang onstage, I kould have had a brain hemorrhage and dropped dead on the stage", writes Davis on the band's web site.'" (Cs replaced with Ks by me, for fun)

Did it ever occur to Jonathan Davis how fucking badass he would be if he died from headbanging? It would be his only chance at becoming a metal legend, nay, a metal god among men, and a really, really awesome one at that. Considering he is on is way, if not deep into obscurity, dying on stage from headbanging would really be the best possible thing that could happen in his career at this point.

I can see the headline now,
"Metal Misspeller Dies From Rocking Too Hard,
North Americans and some Europeans About To Rock Salute Him", (kind of a long one, eh?)

"Metal Band Sue Selves For Knowingly Contributing To Death of Singer With Annoying Moustache" (also long)

"Headbanging Causes Death, Parents Of World Agree: 'We Told You So'"

"Headbanging Causes Headaches, Death"

"Korn Singer First To Die From Rocking, Hopefully Not The Last” (way harsh)

I would hope, however, in the event that this happens, that Korn try to continue their tour with the singer as if nothing happened, a la Weekend At Bernie's.