go google yourself

i was just thinking about google searching people i know and telling my friend dan about Drew's infamous doppleganger on the internet that was the funniest webpage ive ever seen in my life.
i cant find the page anymore or id definately show everyone i know including the 4 people that read this blog... but here what it was: we searched drews name and came up with this homepage for a gay southern-fried stud looking for internet love. but this isnt any gay southerner... this is like an 18 year old mullet-having, trailor-living-in, grass-chewing, bull-riding redneck... who also happens to 'love sucking cock'. this page was complete with a personally written profile of this kid and his likes and dislikes. one of the likes was mentioned above. while reading it i could hardly find any differences between this guy and the real drew taylor: southern hick, rides bulls, chews grass, loves sucking cock etc etc... the one major differences was that this young stud was ripped, which could plainly see through his moving gif image that show us in steps him taking his shirt off and then exposing his naughty bits to the world.

so hot. i wish i could find that page. if anyone can find it, please post it.
its the funniest website EVER.

-jordan

wheres errbody at?

it seems like im the only one of the florida perrywinkle collective that still posts on the confounded blog.
i mean, my posts are always the best anyway (so says my adoring public) but id like to hear from the other 2 once in a while.

as pointless as this blog is i have some fondness for reading new posts even though they are usually stories or conversations i just had with whoever wrote them and therefor don't need to read them on the computer.

get crackin, jack

-jordan

You Won't See This on "CSI"

An email I just got from Jordan (warning: don't eat while reading):

this is my attempt to recreate the most horrorific and damaging story ive ever been told, so damaging in fact, that up until now ive never shared it with anyone because thinking or speaking the words makes me sick to my stomach. this story has the potential to make you gasp, cry, laugh, throw up, have nightmares.

good luck:A single woman went to the supermarket to buy herself some lobster one night. She went home that night, nothing unusual that anyone could see happened, but a day or so later she was found dead next to her toilet.

When the police got there they couldn't figure out what happened to her.It turns out that the woman went the supermarket to get lobster, but not to eat it. Instead, in some desperate and perverted act of cruelty she wanted to use the lobsters phallic tale end as a way to stimulate herself.

But it doesn't end there.Upon closer investation, it was found that the lobsters long, sexual tail wasnt enough to pleasure this womans need for strange animal love. The lobster was still alive when she brought it home, so being as creative as she is, the woman figured out that for optimal pleasure she would need the lobster to wiggle and vibrate.

How does one acheive this effect? grab any household LIGHTER and burn the lobsters head while it is inside your dirty evil vagina.

But now we come to how this woman died. No it wasn't GOD himself coming down and condeming her to everlasting hell for the crimes against nature she has commited. Or was it? The lobster was actually female, and was pregnant at the time of torture. The fire that was used to make it wiggle actually somehow stimulated the birth cycle in the lobster. Though it was dying from the torture the woman inflicted, it suddenly burst out thousands of lobster eggs in some kind of aggressive emergancy pregnancy.

The woman was probably unaware that this was happening at the time, but soon after (not sure when...hours, maybe the next day) she started feeling really sick to her stomach. She ran to the toilet and proceeded to have the most explosive and painful diarhea she's ever experienced. or at least thats what she thought it was.

Another twist to this horrible tale is that either the woman was ovulating at the time, or its just because she's a woman, or maybe no reason at all, but the eggs that the lobster laid in her during the romantic evening of love were causing her to, in a way, give birth again to these little lobster eggs.

No, she didnt produce a superhuman breed of lobster men. however, the process of violently, and i mean VIOLENTLY ridding her body of the vile fruits of the her lobster friends loins was so intense and lasted so long the it killed her.

Eventually the police figured out that the strange and copious amounts of digusting and unidentifiable matter in the toilet and the burnt lobster corpse were actually pieces of this strange tale of beastial savage cruelty and selfish sexual brutality.

I say the woman got what she deserved.let this be a warning to all of you lobster fiends out there....they always get you back somehow.and thats my story. well, not my personal story. but this is the first time its even been thought through since i was in 8th grade or something.the idea of what happened disturbes me to the core.

hope you enjoyed

- jordan

[Editor's Note: Ewwwww....]

holiday wishes/thoughts

Merry Christmas to all... except the Jews of course.
there's nothing like buying your loved-ones love at Borders. No suprise you Jews went and jewed out on the givin-est holiday of all.


so its christmas eve and at least i have my moderate amount of shopping done. not that i was worried about it either way. so far the day hasnt been as i thought: overtime at work, free dinner, a night with my lovely darling girlfriend and perhaps some quality time with the taylors with a little muppets in between.

i dont have that much to say right now so ill just cut this sap off and post later.

shout out of the day goes to The Jews and the Asians for being ronery (er.. lonely) today. Big Up to the minority religions.

-jordan

tv sucks

i dont watch much tv on tv.. only tv on dvd. but the few times i turn my head to the muted tv next to the computer playing music that i spend most of my free time on, i see the worst shows in the world. this could be mostly attributed to the fact that i think my mom has a her cable box fixed on Lifetime and whatever other networks play Oprah. But this time the blame can be placed MTV, a station which probably comes in 2nd in blame for the worst tv shows people tend to sit through for no reason, and it's called Boiling Points.
What the fuck is the point of this show? They give 100 dollars to the biggest idiot with the least amount of confidence and self respect. I wonder how they pitched this show... "Ok, you know how in high school guys like us walked all over those kids with not enough self respect to stand up for themselves? it was pretty funny, right? lets make a tv show where we get some really annoying people to find ways to embarrass and rip off these people who wont react, and the idiot who lasts the longest without standing up for themselves wins some money."

They give money to people for not standing up for themselves, what kind of a show is this? not only is watching these people get anoyed at other people isnt nearly as entertaining as it is when you watch ssomething like The Real World or the Presidential Debates.

anyway.. the show sucks and i cant see why anyone would watch it.

i have to go pick up my chinese food now cause its the only place thats open tonight. god bless the chinese! ive always said that.

-jordan

be careful of soccer moms

so my dad was crossing the street today, mindin his own, when out of the blue comes this crazy demented soccer mom with a car full of kids and hits my dad.
not like hits his car, hits HIM. he's ok and everything, no real damage, she wasn't going very fast. but i think this should be our tickete to the good life! sue the bitch. she plowed my poor old pops down, and she wants to get off scott free.

learn from this, my friends. you're not safe. take this tale however you want: it either means that moms are not responsible drivers so dont cross the street around them, or dont have kids cause they distract you while you're driving.

either way, hopefully ill be moving to malibu and living it up after the out of court cash settlement.

so long, suckers

-jc

god damn memory

FUCK i had an awesome post ready to go and now i completely forgot it.

blast


-jc

time after time

i just wanted to say that after considering all the songs in the world ever written in the history of music.. cyndi lauper's "time after time" is probably the best song ever.


-jordan

“Timbaland Is Awesome. Sincerely.” - Kina

So today I just stopped into Media Wave for a few moments to pick up a game [Christmas present] and saw Jeff and Kevin, hard at work. Or did I actually see them working but OVERWHELMED? I think it was the latter, which is interesting because yesterday (Monday) I asked Paul J (Owner) if I (clerk) could come into Tuesday, at which point he struck me down, denied me work, and made fun of my shoes. But there I was, Tuesday morning, looking at the heaping helping of work that these two poor, soot-faced boys had to do. Just imagine what my superhuman-like abilities could do to mounting returns and snooty customers. Or, I would have just watched all those production diaries on KongisKing.net. Not that I have. Ever. Next paragraph.

So, where I’m going with this was tonight the following conversation went down…

Drew (Handsome): Mike, want to come see “Phantom of the Opera” tonight?
Mike (Looks Like a Gargoyle): No, I’m going to the bar but I’m not going to be out that late because I have work tomorrow morning. And I’m watching “Angel” on DVD which will of course lead to copious amounts of masturbation on my part.
Drew (Disgusted, Still Handsome): Eeew.

So, Mike gets to work even though he’s a worthless piece of shit (see yesterday’s post for more details). And “Phantom of the Opera” sucked big dick.

This afternoon Meggie, Kina’s best friend and co-blogger, introduced me to a little game called “Ultra Bust-A-Move.” It’s the same old “Bust-A-Move” you’ve come to know and love but with an “ultra” kick of rocket sauce. It’s b’dass. In fact, those two are playing it on my Xbox right now. Later, they plan on making out. Pictures will be posted shortly.
- Drew.

Fulltime Killer

So, peep this: Paul J. (Owner) found out about our little foray into the arena of sexual memoir/blog and met it with a surprisingly large amount of dignity and a surprisingly small amount of homicidal rage. Instead, he chose to put in these super-bright "sunlight" lightbulbs in an obvious attempt to control our fuckin' brainwaves... and then he started posting on the blog. Which is fucking weird if you ask me. So if you see the name "The Killer" in response to our brilliant postings, you'll know who it is: Paul J. (Owner). Also, for our readers who live in Fairfield and are night owls, if you see Paul J. (Owner) fiddling around on the computer late night, you can no longer assume he's looking at hardcore gay porn, but rather posting on our blog. Ah, how times have changed. Also: Paul J. (Owner) has stolen my 12 " single of Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out," the ultra-rare and only European one with Daft Punk's remix (the first remix the French duo has done in FIVE FUCKIN' YEARS!) Okay... that's it for me...

"Tis The Season"

Just a quick note real quick in the morning: DOES ANYONE WORK/HAVE A FUCKIN JOB IN THIS TOWN???!?! .....just wondering because it seems as though nobody does anything during the day but some how still has money to spend. This is a mystery i need to solve and a secret society i need to join.

- Big J (thats what all the ladies call me)

shoutout of the day: Jared Rushton (played Billy in the movie "Big") yea shimmy shimmy cocoa puff shimmy ....ooo childhood

Jeff = Jenius, Part II

This was an exchange I just overheard in the store....

Little girl: Do you have any good Johnny Depp movies?
Jeff: "21 Jump Street." It's a TV show.

...

- Drew.

Mike Consiglio: A Man of Too Few Hours

The following is a reprinting of a list of days that he COULD NOT work during his winter break from USC. I think you'll all agree: Mike is one helpful bloke. Everything written below is Mike (in his own words), with the exception of my editor's notes.

***
Mike is NOT Available:
December 24 - 26 [Editor's Note: Good, Mike can enjoy a Christmas filled with greasy, cheesy, wonderful Italian food while the rest of us let people know where "Ella Enchanted" is located on the wall.]
December 28th (3 o'clock on...)
New Year's Eve/Day [Editor's Note: Going to a party, Mike? Wow, I'd love to go. Oh, wait - - I'm probably working!]
January 4th - Orange Bowl!
***

In conclusion: Mike is a worthless piece of shit. Wiggles is way better.

Drew.

Some things that bother me at the wave

Ok so i rented this shit to some guy and he looked at me in a weird way when i told him the total. Then, he said he was sorry and mistaken because he thought he didnt have to pay until he returned them. HMmmmmm let's think about this one please.....Next time I go away and rent a car I'm gonna tell them I'll pay when i return the car and see if they smile and say ok.

- the shoveler (yo dawwg)

The mystery continues...where the hell is drew?? O wait there he is on the phone when he should be doing work. Work meaning writing a BLOGGGG (yo dj tanna)

entertainment is right outside the window

i turned to the window just now and there was the most hysterically pathetic old man walking outside... i know it sounds mean when im writing this to make fun of old people freezing outside and slipping around on the walkway, but its all in good humor. im a good person, i really am. but seriously, this guy was like a weird little munchkin with a postal hat on or something. so cute. old people rule.


i just got a phone call to get a discount chimney sweep. noice!

-jordan

snow storm

its pretty sweet being inside in the warmth while jeff is outside in the freezing wind and cold shoveling snow. this is the way it should be.

jordan

guilty by association

just a thought that came to me recently...
drew is friends with many of our older gay customers (of which there are many) and since we all known drew is a stern supporter of gay rights and an anti-conservative activist, i start to wonder if all of his conversations with these older males start to make them think he himself is gay.
Do they know you have a girlfriend? im not sure. I know in my heart that drew is gay, and im starting to think he's giving a lot of these gay guys the wrong idea.

anyway, those are my thoughts before i go to work today.
im all for gay rights and anti-conservative as well, but im way too cool and manly to be gay. everyone knows that.




-jordan

Alone Again (Naturally)

Hello, Drew here. Just got back from The Showcase, which is currently being watched over by Paul and the Brothers Grim: Kevin and Chris. I say "The Brothers Grim" because they their outlook on life is about as sunny as a London sky. They complain. A lot. Sometimes about stuff that doesn't even exist. (The hover-car traffic? Killer sea-apes? Huh?) So now they're working together and what happens frequently and will no doubt happen tonight should transpire: one will threaten to beat up the other one. In front of customers. And God.

Back to MY day at the store...

Today Jordan came in and startled me because I was doing a little research online about the new exhibit at The Living Seas pavilion of Epcot Center (actually, Epcot Center is only current when using the now-defunct EPCOT acronym, which stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow but now Disney has just copyrighted the proper noun Epcot and that's what's most commonly used)... Um, I mean, I was looking at porn. Hetero-porn. Yeah, that's the ticket. And he startled me. Then he took over the computer and I was all like "WHAT?" Then he stood around, looked through the new stuff we got in, then left. AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER.

A little while later I turn around and he's back (like Shady), and I'm all like "Double-you-tee-eff?" And he goes: "Uh... I left my movies here. Got home, realized it, came back." Dumbass. On a related note of dumb-assery, I can't find my iPod. FUCK.

Drew.

philospies

yo jeff misspelled the word philosophy in his last post and it made me think of 'philo-spy', as in like the movie "i heart huckabees". but only more like a mix of bourne supremacy and spy vs. spy.
i dont know

more importantly, trying to spell the word 'misspelled' was pretty funny for me because i wasnt even sure how to spell it. isnt that weird? like... if you misspell the word misspell. oh man, that is funny on like 4 different levels.

shout of of the day goes to giovani ribici's character in Flight Of The Pheonix. It's kinda weird that in a movie that has a cast entirely made up of stereotypes he plays this totally weird evil genius freak, but somehow it is completely stereotypical. He was pretty awesome though. Never trust a guy with a voice like that.

god that character was SO WEIRD!!! i liked the movie, and i cant tell if his character made it better or worse.

anywho...

im here at work at 11:30 because im renting a game... the weird thing about being here at 11:30 on my day off is that i usually sleep til at least 12:30 on my day off. today is different because i feel asleep in all my clothes last night and somehow that forced me to wake up at 10am. pretty neat, huh?

i think im out of funny things to say... and who knows if anything so far has been funny at all.

i have some philo-spying to do.


2nd shout out goes to shunn ferrrull, aka sean farrell. best customer to impersonate ever.

-jordan

russians have ranch??...oh i mean Ruffles have ranch

B...A....B....A........

Russian or a dumb potato chip....food for thought......

food(chips) for thought (dummies) my point: buy the pringles your fuckin demon seed children smushed already.....thats our philospy lesson of the day.

- If I could travel back in time i would still rather choose to be Greek rather than ROMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

ROMMMMMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GUYS ARE SO WILLLDDDDDDDDDDDDD TODAY

AHHH OHHH AHHH THE LATEEEEEEEEEEEE FEEEEEEEEEEEEE

....DEBITTT

- a tribute to another media wave all star

- from the trio of periwinkles nuts

Hunchback of notre dame of fairfield

Yea so paul's boy is now dubbed the hunchback of notre dame....of fairfield....Yea you guys know who i mean ...the really like realllllllllly tall ogor dude (hint hint) that talks like he has the cotton swabs still in his mouth from a checkup at the dentist. He only comes in to put change on his account or comes in really late to rent shit from paul so he can save a buck or too. So annoying...go work for 1800collect asshole and bother carrot top...not us!!!!!!!!!

- J hOlla

Consiglio aka J Crissle saves BLOG memory!!!

holy shit i went through an entire day without taking a blog. I mean to have a healthy life we all need to take a blog everyday. Ahhhhhhhhhhh now this feels better. ok first off: yo dawwwgs!!! ok so im talking to consiglio and i was like you see our blog and im like o shit i need to blog it!!! Its 115 in the morning and without even being near media wave i can tell you paul is looking at the computer at some reallllll useful website while some action movie (probably indiana jones) is playing real loud. O yea before i continue...no im not drunk im just kinda tired and dont wanna write in proper english. ok cool anyways thursdays suck cause there is nothing to do...so my shoutout of the day goes to the media wave crew of thursdays.

-doc germ ya'll

my new lifestyle

we are watching Mary Poppins at work and i realize how much i'd prefer living the proper english life.
I want my last name to be Banks to further my status as distinguished aristocrat.
i want 2 cute little children with adorable english accents, and i want to keep them sternly disciplined.

and i want a butler. but not any butler...

a robo-butler.

nice.

-jordan

robo-butler gets drew in trouble at work, serves jordan cola.

drews ringer is THE FINAL COUNTDOWN. (thats the theme from ROCKY 4 by the way, which also features the Robo-Butler thing)
how cool is that?
that makes working so much nicer, especially when every time drews phone rings that wonderful song Paul stares at him with his evil-get-some-work-done eye.

thats been the only amusing part of this day.

-jordan

p.s. its only 5:12. FUCK! this day wont end

Jonathan Brandis’ Hung Suicide Murder Mystery Solved

So we were at the store the other day and we were talking about “Sidekicks,” that shitty movie with Chuck Norris (a.k.a. Walker Texas Ranger), and the subject came up about the kid that was with him. And we were scratching our heads who it was, even though we all watched “Sea Quest DSV” (before it became “Sea Quest 2041” or whatever its second incarnation was with that dude Dagwood who was like Frankenstein or some shit). So, a little trip over to IMDB showed us who we were looking for and just as we did, Jordan was all like “Didn’t he die?” And I was like: “NO!” In my mind I was imagining the time in middle school when, for an entire art class I believed that Adam Sandler had died of a cocaine overdose, and I was also thinking that this kid (Jonathan Brandis) would surely show up on some VH1 program (since it is the crappy nostalgia channel)… that, or he was working at a Quizno’s in San Bernardino. But whoa! He really did die in 2002! I did a little research, Google-style, and found out he had hung himself. Yes, you heard me right: he hired “American Idol” poster boy William Hung to kill him. She bangs, he kills. Fucking mystery solved. NEXT MYSTERY.

Drew.

Free T-Shirt Day (Unbeknownst)

It’s me, Ali G, chilling at school. Today I had two finals and now I’m eagerly awaiting my third, which is good, because with only two finals I would have been hankering for another one. Woowee, that’s some good shit. Today I went to lunch at the amazing Garden Catering in Stamford and they gave me a free tee-shirt that is the fucking bomb. And I had no idea! I was just really hungry and the high school special really hits the spot. Last time they gave away a free tee-shirt, I was there too. They don’t know what hit um. I parked my car at Media Wave this morning and Jordan was in his car, but he didn’t come out because I think he was getting a blow job from some bloke. Then he had to pick out all the CDs he wanted to listen to, which include Diana Ross, Bette Midler, and some other queer-ass shit… Probably some Jewish music (which sounds like a car getting his nuts caught in a slow blower). Then when he got into the store he most likely opted out of listen to any of his music and instead chose to watch one of his favorite movie, probably “Garfield: The Movie” starring the voice talent of Bill Murray. If I haven’t mentioned this before: Jeff likes to rub my nipples and it makes me very uncomfortable. And very hard.

Drew.

whats with today, today?

my god, wednesdays are boring.
the only thing i have to think about when writing this blog is how i fucking hate the way the word 'wednesday' is spelled. im not sure what the root or origin of the word is, probably something greek.. maybe i can ask paul's dad.
i want to spell it "WENSDAY" SOOOO badly, but i know i can't.
i think i used to spell it that way.
fuck it, maybe i should.
wed-nes day
what the nutz is that? bollocks, i say.

anyway... thats my post for right now.

signing out for wensday
-jordan

Drew: Sack Wrangler of the Century

If there is one person who deserves the award for biggest sack-wrangler, its drew. I'm at work and he's looking at me and im like
"what?"
and he's like "yo, let me wrangle your sack"

what the balls is that about?

listen drew, i'm a nice dude, with some nice dreams. see these ice cubes? see these ice-creams?
get off it, im a prophet.

-jordan

p.s. drew and jeff had their hands in eachothers back pockets today at work. weird

Jordan: Pussy of the Century

I just talked to Jordan, who was crying about his pussy hurting. When I asked him why, he said that there was some sand wedged up, real deep. Then he said that he worried about our boss finding out about the blog and then banishing us to... Azkaban? I’m not really sure. The point of the blog is to freely express ourselves while trapped in the prison of Media Wave. Then are our little notes to the outside world, written on frayed bits of parchment and carried by currents of wind, protected and secured by some laws, I’m not sure... Amendment #1 or some shit... Whatever... Jordan’s a pussy... End of story.
D.

Other Media Wave Employees Agree: Our Blog Fucking Rules

Today I talked to Mike Consiglio, who is currently living in Los Angeles with his Taiwanese mail order bride and their three illegitimate (but adorable) children, and Carl Frisk, who we used to refer to as "The Muscles from Brussels" because he would beat off to Jean Claude Van Damme movies, and they agree: our blog fucking rules.

"It really captures the majesty of Media Wave’s crumbling dynasty and the dictatorship behind it," said Carl Frisk (if I hadn’t just made it up). Later he said (and this is the actual truth): "This blog is genius, and at the same time pure insanity."

Mike broke down at Jordan’s provocative and enthralling piece "Paul J (Owner)," complaining that he had cried, laughed, and pooped his pants a little. There was something about its hard hitting, journalistic nature that really spoke to him. Also, he liked it a lot because it made fun of Paul.

Mike then equated reading our blog to that of getting punched in the nards by a missile, one that’s being swung around and around by a tiny, muscular dwarf.

"There’s the elation, the confusion, the fear, the pain, and the humor," he said. Then I asked him why he had said "nards."

This is just the beginning, as the mysterious collective known as Florida Perrywinkle, can all agree. Some upcoming events will prove to make even greater fodder for blogging, cursing, and ethnic slurring: the upcoming release of "The Manchurian Candidate" remake on video and DVD; the return of Charles Hood, hetero-life mate and frequent Media Wave loiterer; Mike Consiglio (see above) returning for Christmas break - maybe he’ll work, maybe we won’t, we’ll have further details once they emerge; the frenzy of customers between Christmas and New Year’s which make for exceptional reporting; and the return of Jeff’s pubic hairs on his ball sack. What exciting times we live in.

Stay tuned, the greatest blog might be just around the corner...

Drew.

Like Ancient Man Before Me (A Mastery of Time)

Just wanted to make a post and say that I have conquered the whole "correcting your time" situation, as I know it caused a great many of you confusion and outrage. Apologies all around as we embark on a new era of time-relevant posting. This is Drew, from The Showcase, out...

a strangers with candy quote i just thought of

i was watching Strangers With Candy with Lauren last night and for some reason this quote popped in my head:

"Hey, how's your 'giney"

oh man, that show can get mighty crass. i love it.

-jordan

by the way, giney means VAGINA

Time Check

the trio of assholes (us) did not pick up on the fact that we need to change the time everytime we post some new shit. Just giving you guys the heads up.

jeff is a modern wordsmith

a few good quotes from jeff:

'out of all the moms that come in here, at least one of them has to be a horny slut'

'yo, cults rule cause you can have sex with whoever you want in them'

Jeff:'yo, lets play a game:
ill say a character in the movie and you have to guess the name of the movie, ok?'
me: yea, ok
jeff: Batman
me: .....'

Greek Film Critics/Black Market Degrees

so im at the return bin minding my own, tryin to actually do some work and i hear some scratchy booming and angry greek voice behind me.
'sigh', i think to myself because now im going to have to attempt to have a conversation with him when i can't understand a word he says.
however, from all of it i did get this out of it:
"ounsdnj TROY is shit aonlj ALEXANDER is shit. You know what's better? the original movies. They dont have assholes in them. bkahbfljklkmj people think cause they have a degree they know history, they dont know shit! anyone can get a degree. you want a degree? 20,000 i get you any degree you want'

'ha ha.. yea', i say, not knowing what to say

'seriously... 20,000 i give you any degree you want. the internet, man. you can get anything you want!'

so, for all your loyal readers who like reading but dont like knowing shit about greek history and want to make a movie with it filled with assholes (no pun intended, although i could make a good 'greeks invented homos' joke there) and you dont wanna go to school for a degree, go find Mike J. and he can hook you up.


oh yea... and to solve our heating problem (that being that paul somehow hasnt been able to influence the heating repair man we PAY money to to fix our heat in the WINTER to come and change the store temp. from 40 degree to 70), he decided that the small space heater in the bathroom would sufficiently fill the whole store with heat if we just left the bathroom door open. its all about air circulation.

jeff wants to give a shout out of Raul Julia.
nice.


-jcsuperstar

Just Dropped In (On a Couple of Fucking Morons)

Yo... Drew here... Just stopped into the video store to see Jeff and Jordan... And they're fucking retarded. They really have just spent the whole day fucking around and writing (sometimes amusing) blogs. Which reminds me: there's this little kid who comes into the store who's [seriously] semi-retarded and the second he walks into the store yells out "JOOOOORRRRDAAAAN" (or "Gordon," I can't tell). He then gives Jordan big, loving hugs and tries to (get this) kiss him. Even grosser: Jordan kisses him back. And not in the god-fearing, terrorist-hating American way. Nope. Jordan kisses him in the dirty, freedom-hating French way. And for those of you who haven't been to high school in thirty years, that means he kissed him with an extra lil' something: his tongue. Fucking gross, huh? It's the world we live in, folks, and the video stores we visit.

Grab your 40oz....

YEA yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (to quote ice cube)....well anyways just wanted to give another daily shoutout to my boy and yours...WIGGLES!!! Matt our helper is the man...gotta dump a sip from your 40oz bottle of O.E. on the ground for him ....yes hes still alive but its still really cool to do this.


-jeff

Ok Now more on Bob Dylan....

yea im at work...hahah obviously haha yea um...ok...so we are listening to a bob dylan song and he said in one of his songs, "Lil' John is a Baptist." No really he did. Dirrrrrrrrrrrrty South Dylan got loveeee for ya dawgs.

G's up ho's down foo

-jeff

Pizza and Sodomy

On the subject of loudmouth Greeks, let me just recount a tale from a couple of weeks ago...

I was in Mike's Pizza, which is next door to the video store and was once owned by Paul's loudmouth, angry, semi-retarded father, minding my own and ordering my dinner. That's when Spiro, who's a kind of shapeless blob of a man, decided to tell me all about his sexual adventures the night before. (Preface: Keep in mind that Spiro is really Greek and has a hilarious, thick accent. Listening to him quote the Notorious B.I.G. delights me to no end.)

"I was with the most beautiful girl last night," he tells me. I listen.

"But the problem was that her pussy was too loose. There had been too many COCKS IN THERE!" (That's when he makes a ramming motion with his fist to stimulate what the cocks did to her poor pussy.)

"Okay," I say. "Go on," I think.

"So I tried to put it in her ass, but she wouldn't let me. Cuz her ass is nice and tight" (that's when he makes an 'o' with his fingers, to show me the tightness and shape of her anus) "but her pussy was too loose."

Ick.

"I tried a bunch of times - But she wouldn't let me!"

"That's too bad," I say, and secretly want to vomit.

The story ended in defeat and left me, sadly, still having to eat the pizza he just made for me.

Just this week I asked if he had been back together with this loose-pussied girl. He told me no.

"You only get one shot with girls like that," he said.

"i would rather just buy the movies than pay late charges"

THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RENTED THEM AND KEPT 2 MOVIES 30 DAYS LATE!!!!
GOD! why are customers SO stupid?

ok... that is the idea behind rental businesses. if you want to buy movies then you should go buy them.
you rent a movie from us for $2. then you keep it for 34 days. no one else can rent it for that entire month thanks to you because you 'thought' you had returned it but then, 'whatever, we found it when we looked for it in the dvd player, so what' and then when the late charge could but up to 60 dollars, the owner cuts it down to 20 all together. pretty nice of him, we could have just charged her credit card.
so she comes in and refuses to pay it claiming she could/would rather buy them for that much. well guess what? you returned them already, so thats not an option. plus you cant buy brand new movies for 10 dollars, unless you steal them off the back of a truck.

ah, im rambling.

but ill close by saying that this woman who was so unreasonable and incredibley cheap came in wearing a fur coat and left driving a brand new mercedez.
thats fairfield county for you

-jordan

Jeff = Jenius

Jeff,
That was an amazing posting. Keep up the good work. I love how your headlines are always in all caps, like they demand the utmost attention. And here's something trippy I was thinking abotu that will blow your fuckin' mind: what if, in Mike's incoherent mumbling, there lies the secret to eternal happiness and everlasting love? Naw. You're right. He's just angry about something and we can't understand a goddamn word he says.

Ahlamachalamngoddamnmcashc,
Drew.

Ups and Downs

Alright, so my professor (whose name is Tobi, by the way) gets stuck in traffic because there are horrible accidents on both I-95 and the Merritt Parkway. So we're all waiting in the classroom for-fucking-ever (why is it that we can all get there, hell or high water, but she can't?) - spontaneous card games break out, there's much loud talking, indifferent grunts can be heard. So then we get the word back that she's gotten off the highway, to try and take back roads... AND GOTTEN LOST. My exam was supposed to start at 9:15 and I'm typing to you at almost eleven (I know, I could have written SO MANY blog entries in that span of time...) - I was hoping to be back in bed by now, or at the very least masturbating to some soft core gay porn.

On the upside, while waiting for my stupid teacher to start our stupid exam, I downloaded a crystal clear version of Wham's "White Christmas" as my cell phone ringer. How awesome is that? Let me answer for you: fucking awesome.

BOB DYLAN VS MIKE JORDANOPOULOS

Ok so Mike J stopped in....yea paul's dad (past owner of mikes pizza, politician at heart and inspiration for the movie little nicky) OK so he comes in all angry and pissed off and i can't understand a word he is saying. So, being part greek i just pretend im mad too and start mumbling under my voice complaining along with him. Im just curious if mike had a convo with bob dylan would I be able to understand 5 words a paragraph???

-Jeff
(10:45 am and no hot biddies yet D)

Hold Up (Get Ready for the Next Episode)

I just found out that my exam isn't for another fifteen minutes, and that the world was in fact not created by God, but rather was the result of a giant cosmic explosion (whew, would have gotten that question wrong for sure).


Jeff is working this morning so hopefully he'll take a break from shuffling around in his gym pants to write something hysterical and/or incoherent. Undoubtedly his post will be triggered by what he qualifies as a "bangin' biddy," followed by lots and lots of inappropriate sexual innuendos and maybe some sports references I don't understand. Ah, Jeff. He's a one of a kind.

Sorry for posting again so soon.

Drew.

Countdown to Failure

Hello, I am at school, mere moments before taking my Biology final, but I had to make a stop into the Showcase before I went. Right now I'm very confused as to why I'm taking this here Biology final - I mean, Biology? What? Everyone knows that God created everything on this here globe! (Although I do have some suspicions as to the alien origin of canned cheese...)

I'm not working today, but will try to post something funny about work, regardless. Yesterday my boss told me to "get the fuck out of here" when I implied that he only had friends as a little kid because his mom gave them all pizza. When your boss says that to you, you stay away for a couple days.

And now, I shall take a deep breath, collect my thoughts, and bomb the shit out of this test.

God bless America. And god bless Biology.

a note about me

just in case anyone is going to comment (as if anyone will comment at all) about my many spelling and gramatical errors, dont bother. I cant spell and i dont use spell check. i can hardly read as it is. if you have problems with that, tell it to my nutz.

thanks

jordan

booyahkasha!

this is my first post.. and oddly enough its coming from my homestead. im eating yogurt. im on my lunch break and im gonna be a few minutes late getting back.

for lunch today i have a chicken cutlet and a yogurt.



payce
-jc

Nicknames

The nicknames of the members of Floriday Perrywinkle (and their corresponding Hogwarts house):

Jeff, Slytherin House
Dr. Germ
DJ Seven

Drew Taylor, Gryffindor House
DJ Tannah (not from "Full House")
D. Vanilla
Ice Cold

Jordan Clifford, Hufflepuff House
Biz Chocolate
Ricky Cocoa
Conrad E. Fudge
JTron (it's important to have a Roboname so that in the future when robots take over the world I have a change of blending in and being spared)

Mike a.k.a. J. Crizzle, is in Ravenclaw, but we hate his guts.

Jordan: Crybaby of the Year

Jordan is a crybaby. All he does is cry: about the weather, about global issues, about last week's episode of "Lost" when he thought the hobbit was dead (okay, that was me). And now he's all amped up like a chicken on ecstasy, worrying to and fro about this and that. If I'm being vague it's because he's standing over my shoulder, breathing down my neck, and touching my balls.

- Drew.

1/2 GREEK 1/2 ITALIAN

WOW some really hot girl just checked out some shit. I was talking to kathy in Greek and she laughs and says im half greek!! what are than chances of that...how ironic dont u think??? - alanis

- * i mean jeff

Greek To Me

Paul's sister, Kathy, came into the store and chatted with Jeff for a few minutes in some unintelligable language, presumably Greek. Then she admitted to having children for her own entertainment. Can you believe that? The sick fuck.

Snoopy D O Double G

Kina is gay. i have snoop doggs cell phone number. You Don't!

Jordan and Lauren A Match Made In... Hell?

Jordan's girlfriend, who is far too cute for him, wandered into the store today looking beautiful and delightful, not something crazy like strung out on Cocoa Puffs and heroin. Then they both receeded into the darkened abyss of the back room, to do things presumably no good Christian would do. They returned, sweaty and disheveled, with a whole lot of unanswered questions. Lord knows what they do there, untidying the sanctity of Media Wave video forever. - Drew and Jeff.

A New Blog Is Bourne

Hello, this is Drew. At Media Wave we rent both "The Bourne Identity" and "The Bourne Supremacy," hence the name of this blog entry. (We also rent "1 Night in Paris.") This blog will be presided over by myself, Jordan Clifford, Jeff Holmberg, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield. Also, we will have cameo appearances by Maureen Dowd, 2 Pac, and the cast of the Rockafellar Center Christmas Spectacular. Please try to enjoy our blog, as it will be crass and nearly unreadable. Good day.