Jonathan Brandis’ Hung Suicide Murder Mystery Solved

So we were at the store the other day and we were talking about “Sidekicks,” that shitty movie with Chuck Norris (a.k.a. Walker Texas Ranger), and the subject came up about the kid that was with him. And we were scratching our heads who it was, even though we all watched “Sea Quest DSV” (before it became “Sea Quest 2041” or whatever its second incarnation was with that dude Dagwood who was like Frankenstein or some shit). So, a little trip over to IMDB showed us who we were looking for and just as we did, Jordan was all like “Didn’t he die?” And I was like: “NO!” In my mind I was imagining the time in middle school when, for an entire art class I believed that Adam Sandler had died of a cocaine overdose, and I was also thinking that this kid (Jonathan Brandis) would surely show up on some VH1 program (since it is the crappy nostalgia channel)… that, or he was working at a Quizno’s in San Bernardino. But whoa! He really did die in 2002! I did a little research, Google-style, and found out he had hung himself. Yes, you heard me right: he hired “American Idol” poster boy William Hung to kill him. She bangs, he kills. Fucking mystery solved. NEXT MYSTERY.

Drew.