New Years Evil!

Happy New Years Ev...il!
You thought I was just going to say Eve, right? WRONG. I don't have much to say on this snowy, icy eve, but I thought I'd blow your minds with an awesome movie poster for the occasion:

Fuck that calendar. A real switchblade killer has no respect for calendars, especially around the area of the date on which they're going to kill you.
Can you imagine how amazing this movie is? All I really want to do this New Years is either watch this movie or be invited to a killer party where there could be, by definition of the party, a killer walking around. Since I'm not invited to any parties and this movie isn't really available anywhere (although I think we did carry it at one point at The Wave), I'm writing a lame post about it.
Does every single horror movie have to have a tag line pun like "This New Year's you're invited to a killer party..."? The answer, of course, is yes.

So have a happy New Years Evil... go out and kill someone. Or at least go cut the shit out of a calendar. And of course, "Be safe tonight!"

-Jordan

DVD cover clone wars

There is an absurb amount of ripping off goin on in the movie business, from ripping off plot and characters to poster and DVD cover art. There are way too many to cover, but we happened to notice one on our new release wall recently so I figured I'd post it.
(This is another link heavy post so, as always, try to click on on the links within the text, you lazy motherfuckers)

First, here's something Drew noticed about the box for the new "American Pie" movie "Band Camp".
We all thought "American Pie", the story of a group of high school kids trying to get laid, was funny and highly original, but then they somehow took a plot based on one joke and stretched that one joke over the length of 3 derivative movies and 1 bad movie somehow became a trilogy.

Now, the most over used joke in the whole series, "This one time at band camp...", which itself was exploited even further and used as a major(ly stupid) plot point in "American Pie 2", or "American Wedding" (who the fuck cares), has now been thinned out even more and made into the plot for an entire new waste of time, "American Pie presents Band Camp".

The only returning cast member is Eugene Levy, who made a name for himself as a great comedic actor/writer and had now decided to ruin his reputation by coming out with a string of horrible movies in which he plays the same obnoxious character each time ("The Man" being the worst of all so far). Notice him in these DVD covers...


Eugene Levy will do anything for money... except get his picture taken more than once. If you'll look closely at his hilarious signature "I'm annoying and constantly surprised by youngsters" face, you'll see that they are clearly the same face. It looks like they just took his head from "American Wedding" and pasted it to a new body on "Band Camp". I'd really like to know what excuse they found to add his character to this new "Band Camp" movie. He's probably a lawyer or an orthodontist or something lame in the other movies, so what the fuck is he doing working at a camp for horny band geeks? Give it a rest. American Pie is like those Hostess artificial snack pies - they seem like they'd be great, but after you're done they aren't nearly as tasty as you thought and they leave you feeling sick, empty and like you've de-evolved... just a little bit.

Next up:
There are so many copy-cat DVD covers it ain't even funny... except in the way that it is totally funny. We recently got "Skeleton Man", the cover of which is clearly a knock-off of a great suspense movie that no one saw starring our hero, the Bacon brother himself (his band should have been called "Bacon Bits"... oh well), "Stir Of Echoes"...


It also came out at the exact time as "Skeleton Key", which just goes to show you how stupid the movie industry and advertisers think the movie going public is.


They'll make a new movie at a certain time just to get some of the back splash success of a bigger hollywood movie. Elements of the title will be used, parts of the movie poster will be copied, etc etc... all in a poor effort to trick people into thinking "'well, if "Skeleton Key" looks good, "Skeleton Man" will be good too! And the box art looks so familiar... it reminds me of another great suspense movie I saw while ago... this one is probably just as good!'".

It happens to work pretty well, as we continue to get an alarming number of customers asking "is this movie any good?", and after telling the that it is guaranteed to be awful they say "well, I'll give it a try anyway!".

But here at Media Wave we know that any film with Casper Van Dien as the leading man doesn't need to rely on this cheap trickery, a movie with Casper Van Dien sells itself. Unfortunately for the selectively talented Eugene Levy, both careers have ultimately gone in the same direction and they both continue to make bad unoriginal rip-off movies even worse.

More rip-off DVD covers as they come our way... and they will.
-Jordan

Twins

Twins. Besides being one of my all time favorite mis-match comedy films, and being the gimmick for many, if not all of my favorite bands (Nelson, The Proclaimers, Prussian Blue, The Thompson Twins, Cocteau Twins, Ying Yang Twins, Tegan & Sara, Joel & Benjamin of Good Charolette...), it is also a large part of my life, since I am myself a twin. I'm not refering to my afro'd brother co-worker Adam, I actually have the burden of a real life twin brother and his name is Brendan.

There is actually a customer at the store who has 2 twin boys, one of them named Jordan and one of them named Brendan. When I first heard him calling their names I was blown away that someone in the world would have picked the same odd combination of names that my own parents did, and then when I came to learn that they are actually twin boys with the same name as my twin and I, I was blown away. It's so fucking meta, it trips me out when he calls their names together in the store.

So long story short, can you believe that in all the places in the country, the other person who has twin boys named Jordan and Brendan also happen to live in the same town as me and shop in the store I work at.
Fucked up.

That's all.
-Jordan

The Holiday Post: Merry Sexmas Vs. Happy Holidays

Here's my Media Wave Christmas post to everyone:

This huge, monsterously tall and overweight woman and her comically mismatched tiny, weasely little man friend came in the store at 10pm tonight (Christmas Eve), walked right up to the counter after frantically looking over the whole store and said
"Where's your porno section"
Paul couldn't understand her clearly because, well, I guess because she was in such a desperate rush to get the words out that she couldn't take time to enunciate,
so he replied
"Huh? The Foreign section?"
and she snaps back
"No! The POOORRRNNOOOO SECTION!"
Paul tells her we really don't carry much "porno" and, after asking for places where she might get some, he recommends "The Love Shack". They both rush out without so much as a "Merry Christmas", a "Merry Xmas" or even a "Merry Sexmas" or anything, in search of that which makes the holiday season so magical: kinky porno.

So, Merry Sexmas to all the readers of The Showcase of Depravity! I hope you all get what you're looking for, be it the first season of "Lost" on DVD, that Big Mouth Billy Bass talking fish for your wall to impress your friends which was the only thing on my list this year, or nasty festish porno to spice up your freaky sex life.

Oh and P.S.

Drew almost got in a fight with this guy over the controversy between saying Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas.

Conservative Anti-PC guy: Thanks, Merry Christmas
Drew, the Liberal: Thank you, Happy Holidays
CAPC Guy: No, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Drew: Uhh, yea... unless you're Jewish. So...
CAPC Guy: Whatever, you're just being difficult

Here is the Showcase Of Depravity's take on this issue:
Bart Simpson once said that Christmas time is the one time of year when every religion can get together to worship Jesus Christ. As funny as that is, too many people seem to actually take that seriously. Christmas is NOT a national religious holiday, and it happens to be the first day of Hannukah as well as Christmas Eve, you Nazi. What are you, a Nazi?
If you're a damn freedom hating Nazi, then say Merry Christmas to everyone you know because it projects your desire for every human being to be a pure bred Christian. Sorry, Jack.. Fact is, they're not.
At Media Wave we have one dirty Jew bastard and at least one dirty Atheist bastard. Christians can't have it their way ALL THE TIME. We all know that no one really tolerates other religions, but while we're pretending that we do publically, lets remember that there are other holidays and reasons to celebrate this time of year, like the fact that suicide rate goes up right about now. It's a good way to thin out the numbers of stupid people.

At least one thing is clear, there needs to be more porn shops open on Christmas eve.

Happy Holidays
-Jordan

My favorite call of the day

My favorite Christmas shopper call of the day:

Desperate customer: Do you have "Ladies In Lavender" for sale?
Me: No, we find that most old women can't operate DVD players so we don't stock it
Desperate customer: Hmm, well could you recommend anyone who would sell it? Like Barnes and Nobles or Borders?
Me: Yes ma'am I could.. How about Barnes and Nobles or Borders? They might stock it
Desperate caller: Thanks for your help

I'm not really sure what it takes for you to call up an independent retailer and ask them to suggest other major competitors to recommend our customers too, but it seemed like she already had a pretty good idea of what her options were. I guess it's good that she called us first.
By the way, that part in italics is what I really wanted to say but didn't. The rest of it was real.

-Jordan

Special Christmas Cards: Having a Media Wave like you....

As I'm sure you're all aware, it is the Christmas season, or oops, rather the HOEliday season as we here at The Wave like to call it to be politically correct. During this time of year we get a break from the constant barrage of formally written customer complaints, hate mail and bizarre demands lists from obsessive movie nerd stalkers pretending to be celebrities (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Parts 4, 5 & 6...um, you really need to read these please!!) and instead we get to read a few holly jolly holiday cards to warm out hearts and make us feel that if we touch at least one person, no matter their brain capacity or age, we've made a difference.

So here is my favorite christmas card ever because it is particularly special:
It looks fairly normal....


wait a minute! What's that say at the top there? DAD? I told that bitch it wasn't mine! Let's look closer...


OOH! They scratched out Dad and put "Media Wave", that makes sense...
Let's take a look inside, maybe at least the inside will apply to us..
Looks pretty good...

Oh, no... not quite:


This truly is the saddest, most pathetic attempt at a holiday gesture I've ever seen. "Having a Dad (MEDIA WAVE) like you", it doesn't even work like a sentence. The card was signed "Love Us", written in handing that looked like it was either intentially weird (like this: l 0 Ve U s) or was sent from someone who is actually retarded. I originally thought it was from one of our (many) cranially-challenged customers because there is one sweet one in particular who would send us something like this... But even that girl has her family members to tell her "no, it's considered impolite and weird to buy a card for someone that doesn't apply to them at all and then scratch their name in". Everyone else at the store seems to think it's just some freak.

If the sender is not a retarded person, then it's a pretty clever joke. It's the same joke I unintentionally pulled on my grandma when I was 5. It's like, when it's the holidays and everyone's rushing to get a card, and the stores are crowded, and you're 5, you just want to get anything and get the hell out. She didn't quite appreciate the humor that I didn't know I was using at the time, but life goes on... Except that she died shortly after that. Sorry, Grandma.

To finish off this quick HOEliday cheer post, I thought I'd throw in a dash of Media Wave-style Christmas store decorations to add to the patheticness of this entire thing. Apparently, this is the best we could come up with for Christmas decoration:


A santa hat lazily pinned up above a Harry Potter poster, totally out of its element. Well done, boys.

Anyway, more holiday posts on their way, as well as many posts that I didn't finish that are finally being done thanks to my new state of not-being-in-schoolness. Also look foward to our massive epic Media Wave's Best of 2005 year end post. It's going to be hall-deckingly brilliant!

-Jordan

Sucking the Air Out of the Barrel So My Brain Doesn't Splat Behind Me

Yeah, that may look like an “Open” sign, but I’m pretty sure it says: “Please, Annoying People of the World, Come Inside and Bug the Fuck Out of Drew Taylor.” Because, well, that’s what they’re doing.

My annoyance levels wouldn’t be so dangerously high if it weren’t for a few grating facts:

1.) I was up late last night watching a movie where Lola is being chased by a monster around the London underground. This adds the “tired” element to that old chestnut: tired and irritable.

2.) This one guy, who Jordan encouraged to signed up, is completely bizarre and annoying. SO FUCKING ANNOYING. He comes up with his four anime titles and goes “You know, two of the ones on my list you don’t have.” Like wants me to look at his list with his 7th-grade-education handwriting and go “Gee, yeah, it’s too bad we don’t have Killer Crane Mongoose Fighters 4. Fuck, man, we should really do something about that.” Please sir, just take your sorftcore anime porn (“Triangle – the naughtiest nurse,” true), go home and masturbate in front of your mentally retarded son/daughter (also true).

SECONDLY, this guy who might be the most annoying and potentially dangerous customer we have (Jordan wrote about him earlier and his lecherous looks at his lovely girlfriend), who also has the most outdated hairstyle I’ve ever seen (not worn by an employee here) called. And I answer and he asks for Paul and I tell him he’s not here (thank Allah) and he goes: “Is this Drew?” Me (not recognizing): “Uhhhh…” He interrupts with: “Drew! Cool dude!” Huh? “It’s Jimmy.” OH. RIGHT. THAT GUY. Then he asks for a day extension on a movie because he’s only watched half of it. God only knows what he was doing to be interrupted for a two hour long movie, but it probably involves peanut butter and at least three of the neighbors’ dogs.

3.) The DVD player isn’t working. Yeah, you heard me. Which means I can neither watch nor listen to anything in our state of the art mono sound and video system. This is of particular annoyance because I made a new mix last night that I was excited about hearing AND the complete and utter silence means I can overhear two customers talking to each other about how complicated our filing system is, which makes me speak up and boom across the store: “Top two shelves are new releases…” (just like Kevin).

4.) Just now a little kid ran behind the counter. Luck for him I am not wearing my punting shoes today.

5.) It’s also kind of dreary, foggy and overcast, which makes me want to hunker down (once more) for the butt-numbing brilliance of Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” Then maybe I’ll go home and masturbate to some softcore anime porn.

Cool dude,

D.

For those who love 70's rollerskating and 70's cannibalistic violence

Here is an interesting phone call I just recieved displaying our customers varied tastes in movies

Caller: Hey I'm just lookin for a couple movies...
Me: Oook.... what would you like?
Caller: Do you have Roll Bounce?
Me: Yes sir we do
Caller: How about 40 Year Old Virgin?
Me: Ooof course
Caller: And how bout Cannibal Holocaust?
Me: Certainly!

So, as you can see we fill the needs of our customers from the lovers of Nick Cannon and Lil' Bow Wow in a roller disco to the lovers of brutal savages devouring women alive... sometimes all in the same request.

-Jordan

P.S. for more on Cannibal Holocaust, check these wonderfully cannibalist links: The Real Holocaust, Jeff Quotes & other bullshit

Drive-By Pubing

I have to admit that I have been sitting on a story. A blog worthy story to be more specific. But the memory of this event causes me to gag the way toothpaste on the back of my tongue or the noises Drew makes while eating does, and for that reason I've been hesitant to relive it through blog entry form. Until tonight. The night I saw RENT in the movie theatres and realized that I could die from AIDS tomorrow and nobody would know my disgusting story. That can't and won't happen. This very short, very nasty story is dedicated to Angel, rest in peace.

So a few weeks ago I showed up to work my usual half hour late, drank my usual Red Bull, and fended off my usual sexual advances from Max, Pedro, and Hector. I set up the case, refilled the salsa, and was up in the front of the store (probably eating guacamole for breakfast) when a customer walked in. First of all let me say that I always hate the first customer of the day. They have officially ruined my life as soon as they interrupt my morning process. This day was no exception but I dutifully walked to the register, made myself smile, and took his order. Lucky for me he was taking it to go, and my hate for him subsided since I knew I'd only have to endure his presence for a few more minutes. After I had wrapped up his order I proceeded to ring him up at the register. He gave me his bills but wanted to get rid of some change so he started digging around in one of his pockets. I put my hand out waiting for the money, and what I got in return was so much more. As I look down at my hand with numerous coins in it, I see very distinctly, a pubic hair. Sitting right in the middle of all the coins . . . right in the middle of my palm (enter gag here). Now, I'm sure you're thinking 'Oh, it probably wasn't really a pube. It was just a short hair or something.' And to that I say "No. No it wasn't." Not that I'm a pube expert or anything, but I know 100% positively that this was a short, brown, kinky, pubic hair.

I didn't want to embarrass the guy by freaking out or anything so I had to calmly place each different type of coin in its respective slot in the register, one by one. All the while wanting to fling my hand in a million different directions, scream, and then grab some of the industrial strength bleach from the back of the restaurant and bath in it. I kept my cool until he left with his pubey change to drive - by - pube numerous other clerks and waitresses across the state. After that I did my disgusted shake/quiver/grimace and quickly washed my hands. The most disappointing thing about all of this was the fact that there was no one around for me to share my horror story with in the moment it happened. I turned around to Hector but I didn't know how to say "pubic" in Spanish and worried that if I tried, I would accidentally promise a return on his sexual advances. So I didn't. Instead I texted a couple of people, including my brother, and returned to my work. All day I couldn't stop trying to figure out why in the first place, that man had a pube in his pocket . . . I guess/ hope I will never know.

I have been known to end my posts and everything else I write with some sort of moral or lesson. I'm really not sure how to end this one except to tell you that right now I'm singing a song in my head that goes a little something like this "525,600 pubies. 525,000 pubies in my hand . . . "

Gag me,
Kina

Drew's Quote Of The Day

This is funny because it's was said in full seriousness:

"I think Dinocroc looks pretty sweet..."
Of course, he is refering to this new sci-fi masterpiece:
Well, it did win the "Golden Galaxy Award"... so, there's that.

From the synopsis on the box:
"Imagine all the fury of a prehistoric carnivore combined with the ferocity of the largest crocodile known to man and you have the makings of nonstop terror.
Run for your life as Gereco Corporation's experiment to manipulate a rapid-growth hormone gets out of control and a ravenous monster gets out of it's cage."

Will those evil corporations never learn?? Trying to manipulate rapid-growth rate hormones always ends up out of control! And it inevitably unleashes some kind of horrible monster on the unsuspecting world.

This is my worst fear in life and finally there is a movie that focuses not on virus outbreaks, alien invasions, rogue comets the size of texas, and nuclear (or porno) holocaust but rather on the all too serious threat of Dinocrocs. The great Jack Handy once said "the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see". Hopefully the next film will focus on things like Sharkodiles, Pterodactyfrogs, Tyranobears, Deadly Eaglesquid, Flying Wolverinosaurs, the Cougar Melloncamp, Monkeypirates, Dinocopters and perhaps the deadliest creature of them all, Man. Or as the Sci-Fi Channel would have you believe, the Mansquito.

These high expectations come from someone who also loved Dragon Fighter, which is without a doubt the best Dean Cain movie about dragon cloning gone wrong ever. It also involves a puppy somehow, and the classic line "The sonofabitch can fly!" (something a scientific dragon cloning lab might have previously understood about dragons BEFORE cloning them?)

Moral of this story: Don't clone dragons. Just don't do it.
I know right now you're thinking of all kind of reasons to clone dragons... whatever it is, it's not worth it! No, not even for that.

These movies are more than just fantastic, emotional rollercoasters of unparalleled quality, they are also social & politcal statements which say: Stop fucking with science or it will fuck with you... in the ass. And more specifically, if you're going to fuck with science, stick to sheep instead of pre-historic/mythical carnivorous man-eating monsters. It's just common sense.

-Jordan

This blog is off the chain! what?

Here's a quick one about another comment recieved at the unprotected comments section of the Brooklyn We Back Blog (I added the bold):

I peep the web for blogs just like this one.
Airtight blog. Your site was off the chain and I will
return!
Please consider looking at my laser eye surgery ny blog.

Exsqueeze me? Maybe none of you radical dudes out their noticed the particularly screwy way in which this robotic comment was formed: They wanted to use some hip language, some real cool phrases, some down, jivin' words to make the kids relate to it so they threw in "Peep" and "Off The Chain" for good measure and combined it with square, totally melvin phrases like "I will return" and "please consider looking at my laser eye surgery ny blog".
First of all, is "off the chain" even a real phrase? I've never heard it before. Maybe when it tried "Off da hook" the computer freaked out and said "Error, Error, can not compute!" so it automatically changed it to the next most likely human wording.
Second of all, anyone who claims to spend a lot of time searching the internet would not have been raised with the awareness to 1990s urban slang like "peep", nor would anyone ever use it in that context... ever.
And then it comes from leftfield using language I can't even understand like "Airtight". Man, no one uses "airtight" on the streetz.

Lastly, do New York laser eye surgery people really have blogs and do they expect people to look at them? Is money really paid to advertising companies to set up these painfully inauthentic robospam commenters to get viewers on their medical oddity blogs? This whole thing is just so bizarre to me.
Anyway, I don't blame you if you skipped this one. But that comment was fucking off the chain! So I had to mention it since I got nothin else goin and I'm really busy not writing final papers.

-Jordan

P.S. On more Media Wave related business, a random woman came in the store today and said "nice blog". I said "Yea, I know". She said she found it while googling Media Wave Fairfield. She said that it kind of made her scared to come in the store in fear of getting publically ridiculed to my 2's of adoring fans. I told her she damn well should be and that I was implimenting a town wide "Scared Straight" program with this blog in order to correct people from their inexcusible rude behaviors and make them respectable people in a functioning civilization. I hope it's working.

The Anagram of Snowstorm is Customers

So it’s a little after ten-thirty and I just had my first customer. Now, you might not think this is such a big deal, unless you take into account the deathly, unplowed roads outside and the fact that it’s negative chilly outside.

He’s this nerd-o guy I’ve never seen before and what does he choose to rent? Yup, that old chestnut, “Office Space.” And I KNEW IT. The second he walked in I had him begged for a “Big Lebowski”/”Office Space”/episodes of “Family Guy”-type fellow. He proved me right.

This was preceded and followed by about a thousand annoying phone calls, thusly making it impossible to do any real work, like returns or blogs.

But the real point of the story is this: if you don’t have to go outside during a snowstorm, then don’t. Start a fire (preferably in the fireplace, but your sister’s room will do), thrown on the extended editions of “Lord of the Rings” and laze your day away. Stop intermittently for food, bathroom breaks, and to look outside, chuckle to yourself about how you’re not the sorry sonofabitch that has to work at the goddamn video store, then fall back asleep. If possible, try to fuck something. It helps you stay warm and reminds you what human contact is like. Sexy human contact, that is. And no, I don’t care if it’s your mother.

Looking forward to a long-ass day, where the bitterness inside will rival the bitterness outside. (Especially since Kevin is coming in.)

A picture taken just outside (right before the person seen was eaten alive by a polar bear):

Stay warm-ish.

Drew.

Old men are so hip sometimes

As some of you local readers might know, and that is to assume we have readers outside of Fairfield, we recently hired area loser and winner of second place in Media Wave's "Best Hair" Beauty Pageant, a fresh young go-getter named Adam (pictured to the right, only his hair is much much bigger now). Like his idol, me, he has a large white man's afro and a beard. I'll be the first to say that in this case and this case only, his is bigger than mine. I have a bigger beard and a bigger... dong. The point is, many of the customers have found it funny, and reasonably so, that 1 local video store employs 2 white guys with big fluffy afros. It doesn't happen every day, at least not in the suburbs.
But then again, Adam isn't white, he's jewish. So.. there's that.

So when we are working together it compells many, many people to ask intelligent questions and make extrodinarily funny and original comments about whether we are related or just why in hell there are 2 guys with big afros behind the counter.
I have experienced this kind of cleverness from people in the past because I live every day of my life with a twin who, like Adam, aspires to be like me in every way. So I'm used to the bullshit from people, though that never makes it any less annoying.

Here is the #1 customer comment regarding Adam's hair (this week):

Past-Middle-Aged Old Hip Guy: "Dude! Righteous lid!"
Adam stands there with normal "where am i?" look on his face,
and the hip guy continues: "It's gamin!"

As soon as he leaves, Adam says "Did you hear that!?! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?"
We figure "lid" refers to the top of ones head, but no where in my extensive experience with slang terms from the 1940s-1990s have I heard anyone use the word like that. Maybe we're just too young, or maybe that guy is a fucking crazy loon.

We still don't know what "gamin'" means. We may have heard it wrong, we're not sure. The only thing I can think of is an old Parliament song called "Gamin' On Ya!" which, besides being funky as a motha, still makes no sense to me. But it is from the 70's, where I assume this gentlemen has spent most of his life, from however old he was in the 70's all the way until now because he still uses words like "lid" and "gamin" to try and sound cool to young "dudes".

Well, far out.
Shine on, you crazy diamond

-Jordan

The customer is always WRONG!

This flakey woman just came in and said
"You gave me a video instead of a DVD... I don't even have a video player"
So, ma'am, you're suggesting that, as the one who came to us with what you wanted to rent which you personally plucked from the shelf, it is the OUR fault for misinterpreting what you wanted (a DVD) and covertly switching it with a VHS tape before you could catch on?

Here is the difference between a video and a DVD:

Maybe it's just me, but the difference seems pretty fucking clear. Not only are the 2 completely different in size, appearance, texture and aroma, but they also require two completely different courses of action to rent them. To make the divide and weight of the stupidity of this mistake even greater, they are in two completely different parts of the store.
Also, she rented other DVD's during the same transaction, so she obviously knows how rent DVD's and what they look like as opposed to VHS. She knows that customers bring us what they want; we don't ask them what title they want and then decide for them what format to give and then bring it to them. Therefore, if she brings us a DVD, we rent her a DVD. If she brings us a VHS tape, we rent her a VHS tape. We can only assume that human beings who walk upright, drive cars and are literate can distinguish the difference between these two opposite forms of media, especially when they are right in front of her stupid ass face.

In fact, for this mistake to be our fault she would have had to bring us the black card which we use to represent DVD discs which are currently available, bring it to us and then watch us as we left the counter, went out to the shelf, put back her DVD card and replaced it with a video from a totally separate wall, come back and then rent her that huge hulking black box instead of the small shiny round disc.

No, I'm sorry but YOU rented the wrong thing, we didn't give you the wrong format. We gave you exactly what you asked for.

She also returned a 2 disc set without the 1st disc... How could we ever hope to assume a woman as adept as this would somehow rent a video when she wanted a DVD? It must have been our mistake after all.

Sorry if I sound bitter... I've been working here for 4 years, so... there's that.

-Jordan

Spam-A-Lot

We've been getting a couple comments over at the Brooklyn We Back blog and I thought, as I am always tricked into thinking, that maybe this activity might represent someone having some kind of interest in our playlists and unique brand of radio humor... turns out it's just more spam-bots leaving false encouragement for broken dreams, as if to mock me, much like my parents and friends continue to do.
Here are the two recent comments that I really like. I've highlighted the best parts in bold because, well, that's just the kind of thing I do.

Striking blog. I liked the site I will be back
again! Websurfing is a good way to find blogs like
yours.
Check out my ear plastic surgery blog, please!

and

Fruitful blog. I favor your site and I shall
return to it! I go to sites like this when I get the
chance, and find blog just like this.
Please come by and see my lasik laser eye surgery mcallen blog.

"I favor your site and shall return to it!" What kind of a lame robot is this? He sounds like some kind of a robot

It strikes me as funny that these automated comments have a whole bevy of adjectives like "Striking" and "Fruitful" to describe every blog and use the same layout every time. I guess they're just lucky that my blog is striking and fruitful.
Oh yea, and I would LOVE to check out your ear plastic surgery blog... I was actually thinking about ear plastic surgery the other day because my ears have always bothered me, I just think they are too perfect. I heard you could get them lowered, so I was considering doing that. I just didn't know where to go for a personal weblog account of the business until now!

Here are some older ones from The Showcase (what you're reading) that I dug up during the spambot reign of terror that controlled this blog's comments sections for a good few weeks:

Blogs growing in importance for businesses
Lisa Ayres doesn't know where she's going to find the 30 minutes to write about her business every day, but she plans on tracking them down.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a advertising campaign site/blog. It pretty much covers advertising campaign related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

(Lisa Ayres sure is determined to further polute the internet with boring accounts of her everyday life. Good for her!)
and

The Democrats ask: Where was Bush?
The Democrats ask: Where was Bush? The opposition party steps up its criticism of the president's handling of Hurricane Katrina.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a texas poker site. It pretty much covers texas poker related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

First of all, are these spambots on crack? They are robots whose purpose is efficency and to a lesser extent sexual pleasure. Couldn't they at least be programed to generate random spam comments that make any sense or that have all their parts relating to the others?
How does those filthy Democrats criticizing Bush have to do with Texas pok...
oh wait, Bush is from Texas... so that makes sense.

Secondly, I love the way they phrase things. "I have an advertising campaign site. It pretty much covers advertising campaign stuff"
So wait, back up. You have an advertising campaign site? Well what could that site possibly be about?...
OOOHHH, yea right, so your specific product-based website generally focuses on the specific product it's based on? I guess that does make sense! Good thing you clarified what your blog was about, now I'll go read it when I get a chance.
And it's computer generated to relate to the common man with phrases like "pretty much" and words like "stuff", so it doesn't sound inhuman and computer generated. It's like... advertising, pretty much... but it's also like, social commentary and a few rants from the morning commute and stuff. So like, I can relate to that kinda stuff, ya know?
I love how I'm refering to the spambot as a person... God, it's sucking me into its circuit-thinking already!

Anyway, that's all for now. More *real* posts on their way which will be chock full of boring accounts of my day at work, social commentary and rants about my morning commute.

-Jordan