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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Letter Pt. IV, V & VI: Trilogy of Terror OR I'm getting bored with this

In the last week and a half we have recieved 3, yes 3, new letters from our psychopathic stalker nerd friend. He's (Or she! sexist...) just been lazily dropping them in the return slot like a scared little biotch. Announce yo self, foo!
To refresh your memory, or for those of you who are new readers or retarded, we've been getting a series of random and mysterious letters from many of the top celebrities and/or world leaders in which the author requests a long list of movies for our store to bring in. Curiously, each celebrity has the same list! So far we've had: The Queen Of England, Idi Amin DaDa (my favorite) and someone who refers to himself as Poopie Pants.
Let's see what this week brought us.
This first one was written in a sort of Constituation-looking font, and you'll see why:


Dear Media Wave,
In between Congressional sessions there's nothing better than for Bill and I to make a visit to your wonderful store. Bill is a real classic movie buff and when he's home with me watching movies at least I know he's keeping his zipper up. Anyway. We would love it if you could get a few of our favorite films on DVD in stock. They include these fine flicks....

*including*
Crusader Rabbit and Rags TV Series (Bill's Favorite!)

Sincerely yours,
Hillary and Bill C.

(Bill and Hillary with their adopted child Vietnamese woman, Yeshe)



Next Up is the Fabulous Zsa Zsa Gabor, America's Favorite Actress/Famous Sister

Hello Darlings!!
I'm just back from Budapest and in the mood for
some home netertainment. Your store has a vonderful selection of DVDs, but darling you need to add as many of the follow as your can:
*her list starts with:*
Green Acres TV Series (my zister, you know)

*and ends with:*
Hungarian gypsies gone wild!

Tank you darlings!
I love you all,
Zsa Zsa Gabor



My favorite part of this letter is that it was so accurately written with her accent instead of the way the words are actually spelled, it's very authentic that way. Well, at least it is my understanding the people with accents write words they way they sound with an accent and not the way they are normally spelled. Tank you Meister Zstalker!

If you don't know who Zsa Zsa is, she's sort of like Paris Hilton only a lot older. She's an actress of little talent who is more or less known for being rich and beautiful and having a successful family... She has had 9 Husbands (or as Ed Rooney would put it: She's been married Niiiiiiiiiiiiinne Tiiiiiimmmes) and she's obvious picked up a lot of movie knowledge from these many experiences.

And last but not least (actually, in order I believe it came first):

The Donald (Trump...) and his new bride Melania wrote to us... Unfortunately we (well, not me, but someone *GRR*) lost the letter from The Trumps. But if you use your imagination, I'm sure you can think of something mildly clever that this lonely pop culturaphile might have written for the Trumps. But since we don't have that particular letter, lets take a minute to ponder why

Melania Knauss

wants to marry Donald Trump??









We could all say the answer is money... but come on, she's a big time model. I'm sure she swims naked in money, rubbing her lucious round breastesses all over Franklin's face... oh shit im gonna spurt. anyway... The point is she has giney loads of money, she doesn't need The Donald's dirty money. Plus, coooomme on... there are PLENTY of rich guys out there that can pay to get better hair than that. For crying out loud.

Anyway, that's it for this edition of The Letter. I'm hoping that all of these celebrities will have a tea party and watch movies together, or at least I'll be in the store when one of them comes in (as they seem to do regularly).Frankly, I'm getting a little bored with this same formula over and over again. I'm hoping next time this nerd can get a little more creative, like write it in blood or something... Hey maybe you guys can comment or email me (the link is on the side bar, ladies) and we can have a contest to see who the next letter will be from! Yay A CONTEST! well, i'm sure, as always, no one will respond to my requests. Either way, check back for updates to this utterly tired and wrinkley saga.

-Jordan

P.S. we will definately be getting Hungarian Gypsies Gone Wild!

1 Comments:

  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger Cliff Brenford said…

    Don't be talkin about Zelda Rubenstein. I know someone who knew her and said she was a very unhappy woman. Unhappy but damned cute!

    And teen witch is a GEM some of the best things I've ever seen are in that movie...nay masterpiece.

     

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