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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Monday, June 13, 2005

The Letter Part 3: Revenge of the Nerd!

Just when you thought it was safe to check the return bin...


Oh man, this is getting out of hand, wouldn't you say? I thought the last 2 were something special, but now this guy is just goin all out in a suprise tactical move by repeatedly hammering us with unrelenting force. Letter after letter! It's killing me! Paul, let's just give the man what he wants! We already know that he is either a master of disguise and stealth, undetectable operations, but he may also be a shape-shifting mutant nerd with an unquenchable thirst for old B sci-fi films the likes of which the world has never seen. Or perhaps he's even a nerd cyborg from the future and he will not stop until he gets what ge wants... or until we are dead! NOOO!!!
wait.. i'm sort of thinking of The Terminator.

Ok, here's the letter word for word exactly the way it was written:
(But read The Letter and The Letter Part 2 first)

Deah Boss Guy at da video store.

I wike your place. You got good stuff but pwease get my most favahwit pichurs! Deh are...

(Insert list of old sci-fi movies here)

Tanks fer gettin 2 good pichures awready!
Get da west az kwik az you kan

Tanks a wot!

And this mastermind signed it:

-Poopie Pants

I'm not really sure what to say at this point. The terminator may be an unstoppable killing machine, but he isn't mentally deficiant.... I'm not sure who we're dealing with here. Now he's changing characters from caligraphy style signed by Queen Elizabeth, to dangerous hand-written in blood style font signed by Idi Amen Dada, to typing the way Drew usually speaks and signing it with an obviously made up name. I mean come on, who would name their kid Poopie Pants? it's a dead give away! duh

Some of the employees have come up with possible suspects but none of them seem likely. These include:
* the owner (paul) has a multiple personality (or 2 or 3 i guess) and this is a way for his subconcious to express his desire to expand our inventory
* Bill the UPS guy (who loves Jesus, sky diving and schizer porn videos-which would acount for the poopie pants alias)
* Old Man Jenkins who blew up the old mill in our Scooby-Doo style ending
*The letters don't exist at all and this whole thing is a dream in the mind of a child... whoa that is so meta

Until this point I didn't think our stalker even came into the store, especially since the letter from the first post was post marked from stamford, but apparently we, without knowing we were fufilling the express demands of Queen/Dictator Elizabeth Idi Amin Dada, have already added some of these films to our store catalog and he/she has been in the store to notice this. That makes me wonder if maybe he has also followed us home...
maybe he's even reading this blog. I'd be honored.

Stalk On, my childish friend



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