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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

Drew's Quote Of The Day

This is funny because it's was said in full seriousness:

"I think Dinocroc looks pretty sweet..."
Of course, he is refering to this new sci-fi masterpiece:
Well, it did win the "Golden Galaxy Award"... so, there's that.

From the synopsis on the box:
"Imagine all the fury of a prehistoric carnivore combined with the ferocity of the largest crocodile known to man and you have the makings of nonstop terror.
Run for your life as Gereco Corporation's experiment to manipulate a rapid-growth hormone gets out of control and a ravenous monster gets out of it's cage."

Will those evil corporations never learn?? Trying to manipulate rapid-growth rate hormones always ends up out of control! And it inevitably unleashes some kind of horrible monster on the unsuspecting world.

This is my worst fear in life and finally there is a movie that focuses not on virus outbreaks, alien invasions, rogue comets the size of texas, and nuclear (or porno) holocaust but rather on the all too serious threat of Dinocrocs. The great Jack Handy once said "the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see". Hopefully the next film will focus on things like Sharkodiles, Pterodactyfrogs, Tyranobears, Deadly Eaglesquid, Flying Wolverinosaurs, the Cougar Melloncamp, Monkeypirates, Dinocopters and perhaps the deadliest creature of them all, Man. Or as the Sci-Fi Channel would have you believe, the Mansquito.

These high expectations come from someone who also loved Dragon Fighter, which is without a doubt the best Dean Cain movie about dragon cloning gone wrong ever. It also involves a puppy somehow, and the classic line "The sonofabitch can fly!" (something a scientific dragon cloning lab might have previously understood about dragons BEFORE cloning them?)

Moral of this story: Don't clone dragons. Just don't do it.
I know right now you're thinking of all kind of reasons to clone dragons... whatever it is, it's not worth it! No, not even for that.

These movies are more than just fantastic, emotional rollercoasters of unparalleled quality, they are also social & politcal statements which say: Stop fucking with science or it will fuck with you... in the ass. And more specifically, if you're going to fuck with science, stick to sheep instead of pre-historic/mythical carnivorous man-eating monsters. It's just common sense.



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