The Holiday Post: Merry Sexmas Vs. Happy Holidays
Here's my Media Wave Christmas post to everyone:
This huge, monsterously tall and overweight woman and her comically mismatched tiny, weasely little man friend came in the store at 10pm tonight (Christmas Eve), walked right up to the counter after frantically looking over the whole store and said
"Where's your porno section"
Paul couldn't understand her clearly because, well, I guess because she was in such a desperate rush to get the words out that she couldn't take time to enunciate,
so he replied
"Huh? The Foreign section?"
and she snaps back
"No! The POOORRRNNOOOO SECTION!"
Paul tells her we really don't carry much "porno" and, after asking for places where she might get some, he recommends "The Love Shack". They both rush out without so much as a "Merry Christmas", a "Merry Xmas" or even a "Merry Sexmas" or anything, in search of that which makes the holiday season so magical: kinky porno.
So, Merry Sexmas to all the readers of The Showcase of Depravity! I hope you all get what you're looking for, be it the first season of "Lost" on DVD, that Big Mouth Billy Bass talking fish for your wall to impress your friends which was the only thing on my list this year, or nasty festish porno to spice up your freaky sex life.
Oh and P.S.
Drew almost got in a fight with this guy over the controversy between saying Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas.
Here is the Showcase Of Depravity's take on this issue:
Bart Simpson once said that Christmas time is the one time of year when every religion can get together to worship Jesus Christ. As funny as that is, too many people seem to actually take that seriously. Christmas is NOT a national religious holiday, and it happens to be the first day of Hannukah as well as Christmas Eve, you Nazi. What are you, a Nazi?
If you're a damn freedom hating Nazi, then say Merry Christmas to everyone you know because it projects your desire for every human being to be a pure bred Christian. Sorry, Jack.. Fact is, they're not.
At Media Wave we have one dirty Jew bastard and at least one dirty Atheist bastard. Christians can't have it their way ALL THE TIME. We all know that no one really tolerates other religions, but while we're pretending that we do publically, lets remember that there are other holidays and reasons to celebrate this time of year, like the fact that suicide rate goes up right about now. It's a good way to thin out the numbers of stupid people.
At least one thing is clear, there needs to be more porn shops open on Christmas eve.
Happy Holidays
-Jordan
This huge, monsterously tall and overweight woman and her comically mismatched tiny, weasely little man friend came in the store at 10pm tonight (Christmas Eve), walked right up to the counter after frantically looking over the whole store and said
"Where's your porno section"
Paul couldn't understand her clearly because, well, I guess because she was in such a desperate rush to get the words out that she couldn't take time to enunciate,
so he replied
"Huh? The Foreign section?"
and she snaps back
"No! The POOORRRNNOOOO SECTION!"
Paul tells her we really don't carry much "porno" and, after asking for places where she might get some, he recommends "The Love Shack". They both rush out without so much as a "Merry Christmas", a "Merry Xmas" or even a "Merry Sexmas" or anything, in search of that which makes the holiday season so magical: kinky porno.
So, Merry Sexmas to all the readers of The Showcase of Depravity! I hope you all get what you're looking for, be it the first season of "Lost" on DVD, that Big Mouth Billy Bass talking fish for your wall to impress your friends which was the only thing on my list this year, or nasty festish porno to spice up your freaky sex life.
Oh and P.S.
Drew almost got in a fight with this guy over the controversy between saying Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas.
Conservative Anti-PC guy: Thanks, Merry Christmas
Drew, the Liberal: Thank you, Happy Holidays
CAPC Guy: No, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Drew: Uhh, yea... unless you're Jewish. So...
CAPC Guy: Whatever, you're just being difficult
Here is the Showcase Of Depravity's take on this issue:
Bart Simpson once said that Christmas time is the one time of year when every religion can get together to worship Jesus Christ. As funny as that is, too many people seem to actually take that seriously. Christmas is NOT a national religious holiday, and it happens to be the first day of Hannukah as well as Christmas Eve, you Nazi. What are you, a Nazi?
If you're a damn freedom hating Nazi, then say Merry Christmas to everyone you know because it projects your desire for every human being to be a pure bred Christian. Sorry, Jack.. Fact is, they're not.
At Media Wave we have one dirty Jew bastard and at least one dirty Atheist bastard. Christians can't have it their way ALL THE TIME. We all know that no one really tolerates other religions, but while we're pretending that we do publically, lets remember that there are other holidays and reasons to celebrate this time of year, like the fact that suicide rate goes up right about now. It's a good way to thin out the numbers of stupid people.
At least one thing is clear, there needs to be more porn shops open on Christmas eve.
Happy Holidays
-Jordan
posted by Jordan @ 10:08 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
In the United States, there are 10 federal holidays set by law: Legal holidays: USC Title 5 Section 6103
Under current definitions, four are set by date:
New Year's Day January 1
Independence Day July 4
Veterans Day November 11
Christmas Day December 25
It's also a national holiday in many countries and observed in others, so Merry Christmas!!
At 1:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
You can therefore say "Merry Christmas" and not mean it as a religious holiday. How the listener responds is up to them, but we Christians have our ways of responding to anyone taking a major offense with this:
Inquisition anyone?
P
At 3:45 PM,
Jordan said…
I don't totally trust that... but if that is true, it shouldn't be. How can a nation that fundamentally requires religious freedom and seperation of church and state should not be making a Christian religious holiday a national holiday. Not only does it single out and alienate all other religions and it neglects to make other religious holidays national ones.
If anything, by defying the ideas of religious freedom and seperation it also makes a good arguement for Christians and others who say that people have forgotten the true religious meanings of this religious holiday, celebrating materialistic spending rather than celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.
So whichever way you want, I still think that is wrong and I definately don't consider it a national holiday, and I still consider it rude to assume everyone celebrates it.
-Jordan
Post a Comment
<< Home