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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Friday, December 16, 2005

Sucking the Air Out of the Barrel So My Brain Doesn't Splat Behind Me

Yeah, that may look like an “Open” sign, but I’m pretty sure it says: “Please, Annoying People of the World, Come Inside and Bug the Fuck Out of Drew Taylor.” Because, well, that’s what they’re doing.

My annoyance levels wouldn’t be so dangerously high if it weren’t for a few grating facts:

1.) I was up late last night watching a movie where Lola is being chased by a monster around the London underground. This adds the “tired” element to that old chestnut: tired and irritable.

2.) This one guy, who Jordan encouraged to signed up, is completely bizarre and annoying. SO FUCKING ANNOYING. He comes up with his four anime titles and goes “You know, two of the ones on my list you don’t have.” Like wants me to look at his list with his 7th-grade-education handwriting and go “Gee, yeah, it’s too bad we don’t have Killer Crane Mongoose Fighters 4. Fuck, man, we should really do something about that.” Please sir, just take your sorftcore anime porn (“Triangle – the naughtiest nurse,” true), go home and masturbate in front of your mentally retarded son/daughter (also true).
SECONDLY, this guy who might be the most annoying and potentially dangerous customer we have (Jordan wrote about him earlier and his lecherous looks at his lovely girlfriend), who also has the most outdated hairstyle I’ve ever seen (not worn by an employee here) called. And I answer and he asks for Paul and I tell him he’s not here (thank Allah) and he goes: “Is this Drew?” Me (not recognizing): “Uhhhh…” He interrupts with: “Drew! Cool dude!” Huh? “It’s Jimmy.” OH. RIGHT. THAT GUY. Then he asks for a day extension on a movie because he’s only watched half of it. God only knows what he was doing to be interrupted for a two hour long movie, but it probably involves peanut butter and at least three of the neighbors’ dogs.

3.) The DVD player isn’t working. Yeah, you heard me. Which means I can neither watch nor listen to anything in our state of the art mono sound and video system. This is of particular annoyance because I made a new mix last night that I was excited about hearing AND the complete and utter silence means I can overhear two customers talking to each other about how complicated our filing system is, which makes me speak up and boom across the store: “Top two shelves are new releases…” (just like Kevin).

4.) Just now a little kid ran behind the counter. Luck for him I am not wearing my punting shoes today.

5.) It’s also kind of dreary, foggy and overcast, which makes me want to hunker down (once more) for the butt-numbing brilliance of Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” Then maybe I’ll go home and masturbate to some softcore anime porn.

Cool dude,

D.

2 Comments:

  • At 10:30 AM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    You must seriously check out the awfulness of this website:

    http://darch.net/posters5.html

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Anonymous Jordan said…

    umm.. what the fuck is that? thats the stupidest website i've ever been to, including this one.
    i mean, there are 8 pages full of movie posters! 8!! the joke got old after the first 15 posters, and i still have 250 to go. Does this guy have a job or what? Is this a popular website? Do people enjoy this? how did you even find it??

    -Jordan

     

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