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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The Letter Part 2 (Attack of the Lonely Dictator)

For those of you out there that didn't believe in The Letter (please refer to this post before reading further.. or don't, bitch), or maybe thought that it wasn't a big deal will now read in awe of...

The Letter: Part 2

That's right folks, we got another one. And so soon after the last one, too. The Queen is getting impatient.... Or so I thought. Turns out it isn't the Queen of England sending these at all. Let me explain.
I only got my hands on this letter a few days ago, but this is what I was told: The Letter was dropped off in the return box this time instead of going through the postal service. Luckily, it wasn't a bomb (but next time it could be). It had just the word "MEDIA" printed on it... Yea, don't ask me... it's fuckin weird. This time there is a new font and it looks like it's supposed to be written in either fountain pen ink or blood (except it isn't red, it's black), it has that hand-written, splattered and dripping look to it. It is addressed to "Persons at Media Wave" and starts off the list by saying
"The following list of DVDs is to be added. My patience is limited!!!"

followed by the exact same list of DVDs that he/she always sends, including the few movies on it that we arleady carry in the store.

Here's where the ultra-nutting-strangeness begins:
The letter is SCENTED,(yes, scented...) and in the margin is a green smiley face sticker that is almost disturbing considering the violent tone of the letter.
At the end of the list he/she goes on to say:
"Instructions to be carried out immediately!
By Order!
signed by:
"His Excellency,
Doctor, Field Marshall, President For Life,
Idi Amin Da Da "
Now, if the readers out there are unaware of who Idi Amin Dada is (the author of the letter spelled his own name wrong... interesting) and haven't already googled him to seem smart (like I did), he is A. The former Dictator of Urganda and one of the most insane and hated men in history and B. he is dead.

one of our loyal customers,Idi Amin Dada

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are recieving letters from beyond the grave!!
Here are some interesting facts about our ghost writer:
*After the coup of his predecessor, he rounded up all the military leaders who opposed him, killed them, decapitated them and sat their heads around the presidential dinner table and scolded them for not supporting him and treated himself to pieces of their flesh which he ate off their heads.
*He suffered from numerous sexual diseases and was illiterate
*He married and divorced many different women at a time
*Gave all Asians in Urganda a 90 day notice to flea the country or be murdered
*Reportedly ate 40 oranges a day to keep up his "sex power"

I know you're saying to yourself "Jordan, that sounds suprisingly similar to you", and you're right. He sounds like a pretty stand up gent to me, but who am I to say who's sane and who's insane?

At least our murderous dictator friend is sweet enough to scent the letter and put a smiley face sticker on it. Now we know he isn't so bad.
Hey, maybe the Queen of England and Idi Amin Dada are teaming up for a super conspiracy to control the whole world!! We're not sure how letters to Media Wave tie into this, but I know someday soon all the pieces will come together. And I for one welcome our royal overlords, living or undead. I'll do my best to get these movies in stock for you sir, and allow me to help you round up insolent customers whos heads you may feast upon during tea with the Queen.

-Jordan, faithful devotee to the New World Order


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