Customer Comment of the Day - Mary-Kate & Ashley

I just had an extremely uncomfortable conversation with a very old man who said a the following things about Mary-Kate and Ashley:
(When I showed him one of their movies made when they were around 8 or 9 years old)
"No, they are too old in that movie, I like them younger than that when they're cute. I used to watch all the old ones and laugh. I like to laugh."
"You can never tell them apart, except when they dance. One of them danced more sensual than the other"
"It's a shame what happened with that one's bulemia or whatever. You could almost see her rib cage. It's like paradise turned into hell on earth."
"The best part of their movies is that they over-act... [interupted by a lot of laughter, I suppose from remembering the hilarity of their movies]... but they did it well! And that was the best part. They over-acted, but they were so talented."

At first he was just talking about how cute they were, and I'm not saying he is an old pedophile necessarily, but then he started in on how they dance sensually... I think he was just very strange enthusiast.... but you can be the judge.

-Jordan

Customer Comment of the Week

Customer Comment of the Week:


"Do you have a Reese Witherspoon section?"


yea... let that one sink in for a minute.

When the woman said that both Adam and I couldn't help but laughing out loud because we literally thought she was joking. So did the other customers in line. She was not. Adam got himself together enough to actually say to her "That would be nice, but that wouldn't really make any sense".

She could not have asked that question with any amount of forethought. It's not like asking if we have a Classics section or if we split up the Foreign section by the country, or even if we organize based on director like some more specialized rental stores do.
Think about the implications of organizing our store based on the leading or supporting actors and actresses.
What's even better - think about why on earth we would have just a Reese Witherspoon section. MAYBE a Robert De Niro section or something, but Reese Witherspoon?
Having a Reese Witherspoon section would be helpful only to that particular woman at that particular time. It would certainly be nice if I wanted a Sandra Bullock movie without having any specific title in mind if there was a Sandra Bullock section, but this isn't a perfect world.

Adam and I couldn't get over how awesome this comment was. I hope you enjoyed it on the same level.

-Jordan

I'm the victim of a hate crime

I was walking in to the store from my lunch break and in order to do so I had to pass through a gauntlet of 13 year old kids who all think they're incredibly cool and everything they do is fucking hilarious (much like me). Fact is, it's not. But the following story is:

In the first part of my journey to the door a young girl stopped me and yelled "I LOVE YOUR HAIR". Not an unusual reaction from the ladies (of all ages), but this girl followed it in classic 13 year old annoying girl fashion and said "I'm your best friend now, will you be my best friend?" and offered me some flower petals.
I was like "say what? don't talk to me like that, Johnny Law might be lookin out, I don't wanna get pegged as a statutory rapist... again". She said "Be my best friend!" and I kept on a walkin. The nice thing about 13 year olds is I keep gettin older and they stay the same age.

I almost got to the door and, having thought I was through the heavy patch of adolescence, I walked confidently up to the door when this little ugly lookin black kid (I mention he's black cause it's important later, not cause I'm racist) yells from half a block away "ARE YOU A HIPPIE??".

I was flabbergasted. What do you say to that? I first had to question, Am I a hippie? Does the fact that people constantly ask me to sell them weed because I have a "wild red afro" make me a hippie? I didn't have time to reevaluate my life style choices, so I just said "What the hell did you just say?" and he walks closer and says
"Are you a hippie? Do you smoke fat joints, that you practically suck on all day, and do you believe in mother nature?"

I was stunned and had no idea how to reply to that. What a weird thing to say, huh? "Fat joints that you practically suck on all day"? Was he trying to say that I'm gay too, or does he just use colorful language without knowing its implication?
I felt like this bratty little bitch of kid had stumped me, he had won the battle of wits by saying something so completely out of the blue and weird that I had no way to squash his dumb little ego into the ground.
I said "uuh... I believe in nature, yea", which at the time I thought would make a fool of him because, after all, how do you not believe in nature? The kid was stupid, that's what I'm saying. Turns out I walked right into his spider web...

Then he walks up closer, SPITS ON THE GROUND NEXT TO ME and yells "Well I spit on your beliefs!" and then he runs away.
I start yelling profanities at him but by now it didn't have quite the same affect as yelling profanities at a child might normally have.

I go in the store to recoup and come to terms with the hate crime that was just perpetrated against me. I was verbally violated by a 13 year old and not in the way I like it.
I tell the other employees about my experience and as I'm finishing up the story the fuckin kid comes back in with 2 flower heads in his hand [I just realize now that he and that stupid girl were probably desecrating the meager flower bed that attempts to stay alive in front of the store. Those bastards!]. He's either going to try to make fun of me further by offering me flowers because I'm a "hippie who believes in nature", or try to apologize. I figured the latter (because by calling him a punk I bet I really taught him a lesson, that's how it works with kids), but either way I took the opportunity to put the fear of God in the boy:

"GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS STORE THIS INSTANT. YOU DON'T SPIT AT SOMEONE, YOU DON'T SPIT ON SOMEONE'S PROPERTY!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!! WHO RAISED YOU?! GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!". I got all up in his grill n shit, it was pretty sweet. It was a surge of power I rarely ever feel among my peers, let alone quick-witting pre-teens.
Mike, who was with me the whole time, didn't think that was enough and still thinks the kid got the best of me. Maybe so, but I've never yelled at anyone like that, especially not a kid, and it gave me a nice feeling of power and a glance into my child-reering future, and I liked it. I'm going to raise bratty kids just so I can yell my head off at them and feel powerful. Next time you guys see some punk kid on the street, do the same thing. You'll thank me.

So later that day Kevin tells me that the girls that had originally asked me to be their best friend came in looking for the kid claiming that he had stolen 20 dollars from them. I knew that kid was a fucking punk. I mentioned he was black earlier because the girls subtly described him as "the ugly kid, you know... the ugly black kid".
Kevin's new theory is that kids in today's world and in this town are so corrupt that those girls probably concocted this story and the kid never stole anything from them but they figured since he was black they could get away with blaming him and maybe make a free 20 bones. I agree with him. Those girls were vicious. And apparently racist. So we've got racist coniving girls and

So, I might end up taking the kid to court for a hate crime. It's about time this town saw a Trial of the Century, and against a little bitch kid no less.

The Wall of Shame: Another Showcase of Depravity showcase of depravity

A dear friend of The Showcase, who we'll call a dedicated fan for these purposes, recently came up with his rendition of what the Fairfield Weekly Best Video Store photoshoot would have looked like had they provided the strippers we explicitly requested.

So for any of you readers out there who want to get a good idea of what Showcase/Brooklyn We Back photoshoots and parties are usually like, peep this:

Never has photoshop, or microsoft paint, been put to better use.

While I'm at it, let's take a look at look at Media Wave's history through The Weekly photos. I call this

THE WALL OF SHAME: A photographic essay on the evolution of cool

2005:

"We make this look gooood"

This is actually our movie poster for the upcoming Media Wave production of "Weekend at Bernie's 3".
This picture is a classic on so many levels. As you can see, our level of professionalism keeps deteriorating with each year we win, and, in reaction to our shenanigans, Paul's keeps getting more militant. Paul is professional to the maxx, he's a profesional professional. If "profressionalism" started with an Ex, it would now be spelled just with a capital X (e.g: Xtreme Butter Popcorn).
We are clearly making Paul uncomfortable - no different than a normal day at work. He's thinking "I have to work with these lunatics, but do I really need to be photographed with them too? My family is going to disown me". Unfortunately, Paul's family disowned him after this picture went public. We're sorry, Paul.

2004:
"Why are you so distant?" This picture was actually taken during one of our emotionally painful squables. I was like "talk to me?" and Drew was like "not here, god damnit. Just be cool". As you can see, we did. If you look at our 2006 picture you see that we fixed everything and embraced eachother once again.
This image became the face of the Brooklyn We Back poster, and the sexiest picture in Weekly history at the time.
You may also notice that in each picture Drew's hair keeps getting longer, and you can never see his eyes. Even in the 2006 picture he is squinting. He's a mysterious creature, and he's becomin a long-hair hippie.

2003:

The Weekly put the following quote next to this picture in their article for the store:
"We're excited about movies. The passion is there."

Paul has a different way of showing his excitement... by not. The juxtaposition of Paul's "Get this over with" smirk while holding "Snow White", the most cheerful movie ever, is brilliant.

-Jordan

(p.s. - obviously, there is no offensive meant to Paul with this post. Paul is comically serious in most work-related things, it's just his nature, and we celebrate him for it.)

For full coverage of the 2006 award, click here.... or just scroll down.

Media Wave Wins Yet Another Popularity Contest, The County Rejoices

Once again, the 2 stunningly attractive faces of Media Wave (Jordan and Drew, as if you had any doubt) had their gloriously pants-creaming images published in a major national magazine. No, not Tiger Beat or Seventeen (not yet, anyway), this time the Fairfield County Weekly was lucky enough to have the two Media Wave super-stars grace their pages. The Fairfield Weekly isn't so much national in the amount of states - or towns - that it is circulated in, but more it's spirit, so it still counts. We usually don't do charity press ops like County magazines, but we did it because we like to feed our egos, and because they paid us in fried chicken and mac & cheese - our standard wages at The Wave.

Here is the article for your reading enjoyment, and, at risk of overloading your computers with sexiness, our now classic picture will also be provided for the ladies (and so the guys can know what to model themselves after). No, we're not gay for eachother. Yes, this was the actual picture published in the newspaper.

(here's the link: Weekly Gets Sex'd Up)

Best Video Store

Media Wave Movies & More
6969 Post Rd.
Fairfield, CT
(203) 255-6969

Jordan Clifford and Drew Taylor of Media Wave Video

MediaWave has won Best Video Store yet again, and as usual, has a lot of new things brewing at its community gathering spot on Post Road in Fairfield. The VHS tapes are almost entirely sold and packed away, with the exception of some children's titles, allowing even more room for DVD and video game selections. There is a full-scale disc repair service now, and couches in the center section where the new releases are kept, so there's a lot less elbowing to see what's on the shelves. Of course, there's still the dollar-back incentive for returning a new movie the next day, the low rental costs (between $1 and $4) and the 12th rental-free deal. And, says Drew Taylor, one of Media Wave's longtime employees (he's on his sixth year), they're trying to add even more. "We're getting new TVs and working on a computerized kiosk so you can bring a printed stub instead of searching through boxes. We're digitizing the whole catalog." That catalog includes all the stuff you can't find at those cookie-cutter video stores, including extensive documentaries, foreign films, gay films, music films, and video games for all the new gaming systems on the near horizon. "This year all the major gaming companies are coming out with new systems," says Taylor. "We're talking about turning part of the store into a games and tapas lounge." Whether or not owner Paul Jordanopoulos will go for Spanish food inside his store remains to be seen, but the video game market is likely to remain a huge part of Media Wave's business. "The game industry is bigger than the movie industry," says Jordan Clifford, a four-year employee noted for his wild red afro. Box office sales certainly back him up.




You heard it folks, I, Jordan Clifford, am indeed noted for my wild red afro. I'm also noted for my wild red political leanings (down with capitalism, commrades!) and my wild style. Lucky for me, I was quoted on the one thing I know nothing about, and none of my unique Seinfeld-esque take on ordinary situations translated into print.

I wish I could thank the readers for this award and recognition, but not many of you had anything to do with it. In fact, for the most part, every achievement we've ever called our own has been due entirely to our talent, connections and sexual skillz, so where have you all been? Why aren't you guys out there saying "Jordan and Drew for town representatives!", "Jordan and Drew for People's 'Sexiest Men Alive' cover!", "Jordan and Drew for Pope!", etc.

So, to our beloved readers, enjoy this prize with us as yet another achievement of the Showcase of Depravity/Media Wave/Brooklyn We Back Productions crew, but you might want to take this time to reflect on what you're doing in your own life and in your own towns to get us even higher than we are right now. And by that I include chemically induced highs.

Ask not what we can do for you, but what you can do for and to us.

Thank you all, and thank you us

Jordan

Customer Comment of the Day V.2

We were watching Star Wars and this guy who looked and sounded like he was pretty drunk and dirty came up with his lady friend and blurted out:
"Hey, ya think C3PO and dem are really queer?"

Knowing that he wouldn't appreciate gay robot humor on the same level as I would talk about it, I just said "Uh... well, it is the future after all"

"Yea, I heard someone saying they might be queer homosexuals"
followed directly by his lady friend saying
"Hey you like the Family Guy? I LOVE the Family Guy....

It's SO much better than The Simpsons"

It took all my will power not to jump over the counter and beat their heads in.

It's been quite a day for quotes.
-Jordan

(To clarify my outrage at this: 1. He was clearly drunk and stupid and blatantly used the word "queer" to people he doesn't know. 2. No offense to those who actually put Family Guy higher than The Simpsons, but the fact that his friend blurted out the Family Guy love randomly and immediately after the queer Star Wars thing is, to me, a funny representation of a lot of people who love Family Guy over The Simpsons and is indicative of the attention span and style of random and unrelated off the wall pop culture references that Family Guy is based around. Hopefully the light bulb in my head that went off as soon as I heard these two comments one after the other and seeing that they were hilariously related is evident to readers, otherwise this post was a waste of time like so many others may be as well. Whatever)

Customer Comment of the Day

Customer Commet of the Day:

Woman to her daughter: "Remember when we read that movie?"

Employee Comment of the Day #2

2 of the most obnoxious kids, maybe 8-10 years old, came up to the counter and asked where The Shining was. "Do you know where the horror section is?" I asked.
They said they did, so Kevin said "Well then, it's in the 'S' section for SH-INING."
They said "yeaaa weeellll, weee'vveee been looking for it for twwwwooo hoouuurss" in that annoying pretend-to-be-tired voice, which only enchanced their already annoying voices.
"Two hours, eh?", said Kevin, "Has it really been two hours?"
"well, 20 minutes I guess, whatever" said the kid
"Yea, I thought so" said Kevin.
Then they asked Kevin if he knows where the Adult Section was.
Kevin said: "Yes, it's outside the store in the middle of the road. Just go out there and walk toward the yellow lines"

Kevin is full of 'em today!

The woman who let her kids watch "The Shining" at fuckin 8 years old isn't just stupid, she was also annoying (she is her children's mother, after all. The apple doesn't fall far from the annoying tree). We have a pin pad (which allows customers to protect their accounts -which contain their credit cards- by only authorizing people with said pin number to rent) and this woman, completely unaware of her surroundings and what the hell she was doing at all times (I'd hate to be driving on the same street with her) just thoughtlessly sat her huge purse right on top of the pin pad which causes the computer to go nuts. Kevin politely asked her to remove her bag... twice, and then had to remove it himself after she moved it and then put it back on the pin pad... twice!

I'm surprised Kevin hasn't lost it already.... or maybe he has. That would explain his tendency for extreme violence against animals and children.

(Kevin denies the violence against animals. "I have to draw the line somewhere!" he says)

-Jordan

Employee Comment of the Day

Employee Comment of the Day:

"I was smiling cause I was thinking of Kevin Federline in my head, it made me laugh" - Kevin

Temporary attention redirection notice for the short of attention

Temporary attention redirection notice:

If you're bored of this page never being updated, wait until May 15th. That's when school is over. It also means summer is on its way and in order to keep up my healthy American Pride "White Picket Fence Pale" skin color for July 4th, I'm going to do everything in my power to stay out of the sun, aka working more and therefore blogging more.

In the mean time, I've been slightly more active fulfilling the myspace community's lust for me with my clever brand of commentary on pop culture and my comically slanted take on life over at What The Balls?

You can also spend some time reading Drew's Reviews v.2, Zombie Politics.

Look forward to Season 2 of the critically acclaimed and publically adored BROOKLYN WE BACK at a new time, which is yet undetermined, on 88.5 fm.

If you're so lazy that you don't want to do any of the necessary clicking, I'm going to go ahead and post a sample of WTB? for you here to give you something dumb to read, because I think I'm that cool.

Craisins: Make up your fucking mind.

Craisins... Cherry Flavor.

Cranberries fashioned like raisins, then made to taste like cherries?
Aren't they sort of diverging from the original point a bit?


Call me old fashioned, but if I want raisins I'll get me some raisins. If I want cranberries I'll get me some of them too. And if I want something cherry flavored I'll grab some Luden's sugary cough drops.

This kind of flavor mixing offends my sensibilities of what is morally acceptable for public consumption. If raisins and cranberries and cherries want to get together and do their nasty business, that's fine... in the privacy of their own pastures.
This is just another way that the liberal fruit-flavored snack manufacturers are trying to make it okay for unorthodox unions to be possible in this country.

____________________________________________________________________

Drew claims that the majority of my Balls posts are more pointless than the one the preceeded it, but I disagree. I say they're more pointlessful.
Either way, similar to the DVD of the Week post that you'd get here, WTB? offers the hilarious Random Picture of the Week. Believe me, you get what you pay for.

And, in case you missed them, here are most of the DVD Picks posts, include some related material.

-DVD’s of the Week – Most recent. Includes “Tortillas Again?” and “Spymate”
-Chuck Norris DVD Pick of the Week – “Good Guys Wear Black”
-Anime Porn DVD Pick of the Week
-My Baby is Black!, Boys Town, Pop Star, Blue Collar etc
-Film Classics of the Urban Variety (critics say, "Best post ever")
-Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet, Ganked, Chooch, and Nekromantik
-Samurai Boners, Teen Witch, Lou Ferrigno and Lifetime
-Gay Movies are So Gay V. 1 - Including The Hole and Slutty Summer
-Gay Movies are So Gay V. 2 - Including The Fluffer and No Skin Off My Ass
- Stallone's real masterpiece: Over The Top, Funky Monkey/ Monkey Picks, Twin Sitters etc
Follow up: The REAL Funky Monkey

-The Real Holocaust


And some others, just to mix it up:
Adam's first post (about a stalker)
The Cowboy, a Drew/Jordan colabo post
Enjoy.
Til next week, O faitful and bored readers who never comment or respond,

-Jordan "Self-promoter of the week"

Oprah for President! and other things only girls would say

Drew was helping a gaggle of yammering chicks who were renting a bunch of stupid chick movies while I was sitting on the floor behind the counter next to him... filing DVDs (wink wink), and I overheard maybe the best girl conversation that has ever taken place. I don't think a series of more stupid and stereotypical things have escaped from the mouth of a girl, except perhaps "Ok, I really like you, so if it feels that much better...".

Having noticed the Oprah 20th Anniversary box set on our sale shelf, one of the girls exclaimed, like a child who has to blurt out everything that catches her eye, "Oh! OPRAH! I love her!" as she was handing her cash over to Drew.
Upon hearing this one of the other girls got excited, but being fairly sure that Oprah was not in the store and therefore not knowing where her friend had seen Oprah in the first place, asked the most logical question one could ask in that situation, "Oprah is on money now??".
This was followed by the equally logical statement from another girl, "I love Oprah! She should totally be on money!", which was met with a bunch of concurring thoughts, "mmhmm, seriously! Oprah is awesome" and "I really want that box set!".

Before this enlightening conversation they were giggling about how hot certain actors are and how cool it is that we have "Charles In Charge" (They're right, it is cool. I still have a crush on Scott Baio... and Willie Aames.).

After they left Drew made the keen observation that every girl that comes in before 5pm on a weekend after a night of partying the day before is dressed in a full oversized sweatsuit, often with more than 1 sweatshirt, as if covering themselves in loose-fitting clothes will mask the fact that they were half naked, drunk-grinding on and perhaps penetrated by a bunch of spikey-haired assholes (sorry Jeff) just 10 hours ago.

And people wonder why no one likes girls...

**Follow-up stupid girl comment: This is definitely not something only a girl would say, but one did, and it was great. A girl was at the counter sharing her thoughts on the movies for sale with anyone in the 10 foot radius and when she came to "Brokeback Mountain" she said "This movie was so disturbing!". Drew and I look at each other like "huh?" and then she says "I mean it was so personal. Too much information! right? Geez".
Seriously, like TMI. I don't mind seeing a movie about gay people, but if they're going to act gay then it's a little much.

-Jordan