Anime Porn DVD of the week

Ah, Japanese Anime Porn. It's like real porn, only a lot more animated... and a lot more Japanese. In this case, that means twistedly sadistic, violent and bizarre... Oh ok, it means that in all cases.
Typically these films involve demon sex gods, often with multiple snake-like tenticles (Freud?), futuristic sex machines (as in literal machines, not James Brown) who may also be demonically possessed, sci-fi sex beasts, young budding school girls (lesbians who enjoy the hole and the pole, depending on the bidding of their demon sex god machine) and graphic violence administered abundantly on Asian girls with ginormously oversized breasts.

I guess when you think about, it's no different than your average American porn, huh?

The Japanese have a very blunt way of using porn to over compensate for their obvious sexual insecurities (e.g. in anime porn most of the men are big, tall & muscular hunks with enormous... hands. And the girls have abnormally huge... eyes.
And when I say "hands" I mean schlongs, and when I say "eyes" I mean gazungas, in case that wasn't clear)

When you work at a family-friendly store like The Wave, the absurd amount of disturbing XXX anime porn that you see being rented shocks you at first but then makes you laugh yourself silly. Later on in the process you cry, and then you're shocked again when you start renting it and enjoying it yourself. So it's a cycle... just like life.

This may or may not become a new featured series on The Showcase of Depravity, but this week's staff pick for Best New Anime Porn is:




Midnight Strike Force
Actual tag line: "Justice has never been so naked"
The only kind of Strike Force that has Midnight in the title is either severly ass-kicking or highly sexual. Mathematically there are 2 possibile things a Force does at midnight - Striking somebody down or striking some guys schlong in their mouth (credit that line to Drewski). So, that's the science of it.

Here's the way they put it on the description on the back of the box (and yes, this is seriously what it says, word for word):

"A super-secret cult of lesbians performs erotic experiments on bodies from the local hospital! Their purpose: to revive the spirit of their ancient leader in a virile human form. Now it's up to the Midnight Strike Force, a team of busty justice fighters, to go undercover (and under the covers) to stop the nefarious acolytes before they succeed in their diabolically dirty schemes!"

Finally, a midnight strike force that actually get the job done! America could learn from these fearless nymphos. I've always said it couldn't hurt the police force in this country to be a little bustier, it might help them in fighting for justice. But so far, those letters have gone unanswered. Way to go, "democracy".


When I read this, I stopped at "...performs erotic experiments on bodies from the local hospital". You don't really need much more of a plot than that - you've got your secret lesbian cult, you've got your unspeakable sex acts... that's a whole plot right there. Hollywood has used that forumla for years, the film pretty much writes itself from there on out. But this film takes the extra step further and, as if anyone was asking for one, reveals an actual practical purpose for this set up, which is, of course, for the lesbians to revive their demon sex god into well-hung human form. There's that demon sex god thing I was talking about before... It's like clockwork.

The real question is whether or not we want to stop a lesbain cult from reviving their sex god? Can it really be that bad? And even if we do, will they actually get done or will the busty justice fighters just end up in an all out orgy? I think you know the answer to that. After all, it does say that in order to go undercover they have to go under the covers, there's guaranteed to be sexy results.

I can only assume from the cover of this DVD that the Midnight Srike Force strikes in the nude (strategically brilliant, allowing them to easily move in and out of sticking situations - like each others vaginas - without the bulky nusiance of clothing getting in the way), and based on the glasses on the one to the right, one of them is the brains of the opperation.

I'm not going to admit that Drew and I watched this thrilling film together, just like I won't admit that we serviced eachother while watching it, or that this all took place behind the counter during business hours. But I will say this: Justice really has never been so naked.

-Jordan

Related links:
Read about Japan's latest advancement toward the robot apocalypse: The sex android
and their first step toward the robot apocalypse (which they are obviously looking foward to since they are propelling it in order to enslave their women with sex robots): Nintendogs, or The End of Civilization as we know it