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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Chuck Norris Movie Of The Week - Good Guys Wear Black

As much as I hate to give in to popular trends, especially in comedy (Hey, anyone seen Brokeback Mountain? It's gay!), I maintain that I was in on this "Chuck Norris Craze" way before it got mainstream, because I've got my finger on the pulse of the underground. It's sweeping the nation with the sudden popularity of "Chuck Norris Facts", a website that generates random made up Chuck Norris... Facts. Good name for the website, huh? If you recall, we at The Showcase had spearheaded the "Vin Diesel Facts" movement that never took off which was a random facts generator made by the same people (they also have a Mr. T site).

Anyway, trendy or not, the Chuck Norris facts and the craze itself are pretty effing hilarious and I wholeheartedly embrace and endorse this trend.

That being said, I've decided to start a "Chuck Norris Movie Of The Week" series. In fact, he has so many that it might have to be "Of The Day".
So here's the first in our 432 part series:


Note: This cover inspired the idea for this entire series, that's how fucking awesomely Norrisean (I'm coining that term, by the way).

The lesson here: sometimes simplicity works best.
It's just Chuck Norris, with a kick ass stache, a stone cold "I'll fucking kill you" look and reflective sunglasses, like a no-nonsense highway patrolman who takes no guff from the punks... who seem to be skateboarding on his car?

And then there's the title: Good Guys Wear BLACK! It pretty much says it all.

The Plot: Norris plays John T. Booker, an asskicker name if I've ever heard one (and I have: my own), as a... you guessed it, a Vietnam vet who kicked so much unauthorized ass during the war that the C.I.A. is all over his ass. Now his squad is being killed off one by one and Norris has to go straighten some shit out. Heads are gonna roll. You find out in the end that Norris himself is the one who is killing all his squad members, because after the war he had no one left to kill*. It's a really nice Shyamalanian twist ending.

Apparently the reflection of someone jump-kicking a car in his sunglasses on the DVD cover is really a "monumental flying kick that Norris' character, John T. Booker, administers through the windshield of an oncoming car to his would-be assassin (a Vietnamese operative disguised with a blond wig and a Van Dyke!)" -From Amazon.com.
If that isn't the most meta thing you've ever seen, I don't know what is - I mean, the picture is of Chuck Norris watching HIMSELF administering a flying jump-kick to a moving car, pulverizing his assassin through the windshield.
Not just that, he is actually seeing his own actions in two different frame through each lens - he see's himself in mid-air in the left lens, and crashing into the guys face in his right lens. Does this even make any sense? Can Chuck Norris really multiply himself in times of extreme danger? Yes, of course he can, he's Chuck Fucking Norris.


When I look at this DVD box I think "FUCK YES". Someone actually came in at 10:15 to rent this, and when he came up to the register with this box I had a reflex reaction and yelled out "FUCK YES!" and then we high-fived. It was really manly and awesome. The guy who rented it also had a mustache

-Jordan

*I made up that twist ending, but it seemed entirely possible that it would be the real ending, didn't it?

Futher Reading: Read about the Chuck Norris siting outside the store

7 Comments:

  • At 5:41 PM, Anonymous Jess said…

    there is also a jack bauer (from 24) site...
    http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/

     
  • At 4:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    recently you keep metioning your stalkers...do not forget about the ones who left you the xmas card...also, we don't know if you boys got it, but we gave axe body spray through the movie return slot...if you had written about it in this blog you would also received a $5 gift card to blockbusters...it would've been pretty sweet...we love you........but in a totally non-creepy, non-stalkerish way

    p.s. do you carry a movie called monsturd?

     
  • At 10:46 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    I never saw any Axe body spray... and if anyone else found it, I'm confident that I would have been made aware.
    Are you saying that we need it? Cause we do, and we appreciate the thought.

    Are you, whoever you are, the person(s?) who dropped off the Christmas card, or have you just been reading the blog?
    Who are you?

    Do you want Adams nuts on your tonsils? Just be honest about it.

    -Jordan

     
  • At 9:51 PM, Blogger Brother Haruspex said…

    butbut but

    this is HUGE and all.

    Don't get me wrong

    (that's an order not a request, son)

    but, there's something of huge important pressingness, something you might imagine wondering for if not then how!

    how?

    yeah...where's the link to water sold separately on thee blog?

    huh? huh?

    (that's a request, son)

     
  • At 2:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh it's us who have posted..us being the one's who gave you the xmas card and also sent you BOD man spray (not axe..that was a mistake)...reveal our identies? what good superhero/superadmirer does that?????????????? in time, our loves, in time

     
  • At 5:23 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    Brother Haruspex -
    if i had any idea what the hell you were saying, id answer the request

    -jordan

     
  • At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    boo for the lack of updates..almost 2 weeks without one

     

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