Frazzled Sweaty Guy Quote of the Day

So I'm just standing here, enjoying my freedom, when this guy comes in, red-faced and sweaty. He looks like he's just biked the Tour De France (or at least listened to the Kraftwerk song a bunch of times and danced his little ass off). He rushes up to the counter and says, in a frantic manner:

Tell me you've got blank audio tapes.

Presumably his girlfriend was being held hostage by sadistic gangsters and if he doesn't compile the most awesome fucking hair metal mix tape in the next fifteen minutes, she'll be killed.

Ignoring this probable, horrible situation, I just shot back

Yeah, well, we're a video store.

Also, it's not 1984.

And he looks at me, the desperation (and the alarming need to put Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on his mix) and goes

But the & MORE!!!... Media Wave Movies & MORE!

Checkmate.

He dashed out.

More as it develops.

The pee hits the fan

On Tuesday Drew and I were trudging through another dreary 2 hours of aimless banter that we call a radio show when Drew received a text message from home base, The Showcase of Depravity itself, that when read aloud on the air sent the entire studio full of 5 guest DJs into a fit of laughter.
The text message read something like this:

"A kid just peed all over the floor in the middle of the store. Paul is in a fit of rage"

Believe it or not, this is not the first time a child, when left to their own devices by irresponsible parents, let free their natural urge to relieve themselves on our floor (the very floor on which kids and adults choose to lay around on).

Apparently some baby was left in a stroller in the middle of the store and when the mother pushed the stroller from the spot it had occupied for a while there was a large wet stain next to or underneath. So either it soaked the seat and it leaked through, or the kid arched his stream out of the stroller. I am told that the mother and her husband were both aware of the accident and just picked up and left instead of claiming responsibility or offering to clean it up, or even an apology.

It's one thing to drop DVD boxes on the floor or spill a soda and pretend nothing happened and leave. It's quite another for two people who are supposed to be responsible parents raising a child to function properly in the world to display such a lack of all decent behavior that is letting your child urinate in a public store and then ditch the scene of the crime.

Someday Paul will actually carry through with the homicidal rage that obviously consumes him when these things happen and parents like that will be given an example of what should happen when you are so selfish and stupid that you let your kid pee on a floor:
you get your head ripped off and shoved up your own ass in front of your child so that they can grow up knowing exactly how you lived before you died.

-Jordan

Customer Comment To End All Customer Comments

Customer Comment of the Month/Year/...Ever?:


"I just put my mail in your return slot"


....


....... Seriously?

Yes.

You can't make this stuff up, folks.

I guess you have to give her credit for realizing it within the day she did it instead of coming back in a month completely confident that she returned her movies instead, refusing to pay the subsequent late fees and stupidity fees (the stupidity fee is something new we're considering enforcing). Actually, no. She gets no credit at all.

-Jordan

More pictures of people lying on the floor

I haven't posted in a while and the complaints are just flooding in. So much so that I was even thinking about blocking the comments section because I was overloaded with them in absence of quality entertainment. I mean 2 comments on the last post was just the beginning, luckily the commenting stopped before too much bandwidth was taken up. I guess what Bob Marley said is true, a hungry mob is an angry mob. I think later in the same song he says something about blogging.
It's not that it's been a slow two weeks for strange events at The Wave, it's more that I'm just lazy.

The silence is broken! Now for your viewing pleasure, two more valuable additions to my growing collection of pictures of people lying on the floor:



We recently put 2 little couches in the middle of the floor, which is either to give the elderly moviebuff a chance to rest from the strain that comes with standing and looking at a wall, or to cover up a big stain on the carpet. It turns out that whatever purpose these couches were meant to serve, they ended up just being a central location in the store for children to lay on and a neutral home base during store-wide tag games (which are carried out without care for our strict "no running, no merriment" policy).

However, not all children are crafty enough to use our couches to their advantage. Some of them ignore them outright or mistake the surrounding floor for a couch.

The child in the second picture, for example, somehow mistook the floor for the ocean and spent a good deal of time pretending to swim on the floor. Despite the power of his imagination, which never gets you anywhere no matter what Reading Rainbow tells you, he never got anywhere, so he got up and knocked some stuff down. If you think about it, that's the nature of life.

The band of teenage layabouts in the first picture failed to maximize the other couch, but they one-uped us instead when, as predicted by adults everywhere, they took a mile when given an inch. I suppose there is some logic in thinking that if the couch is open to them then so must be the entire floor.
They literally took up the entire width of the floor, allowing actual paying customers to step on or over them. After pretending to have to put things on the wall exactly where they were a few times, I eventually told them that The Wave isn't a some kind of opium den or YMCA where drug addicted freeloading teens can lay on the floor for free, but if they wanted to continue "hangin'" they'd have to buy some opium from me.

More stories of strange behavior coming soon. I promise.

-Jordan

(In case you didn't catch it above, check out other pictures of weirdos of all ages lying on our dirty, dirty floor: Floor Pictures )

By the way, if you haven't already, check out our radio show Brooklyn We Back on Tuesday nights 6-8pm on 88.5fm or www.wvof.org. Check us out on myspace at myspace.com/brooklynweback and our not-yet-updated blog, brooklynweback.blogspot.com.

For other entertainment needs, check out my other non-Wave related blog, What The Balls?
and Drew's zombie-related blog, Zombie Politics.

Cool Mom Alert

If The Wave is any thing, it's a hotbed of Cool Mom activity. (See "Mean Girls" for a proper demonstration of what a "cool mom" is). It is important to understand that Cool Mom does not necessarily denote hotness or M.I.L.F. status, in fact the two terms rarely intersect in reality, though clearly mean the same thing in the minds of these moms. Let's face it, they think they're hot shit.
I just helped a middle-aged woman who had tanned her skin far beyond what's natural for still-living humans (she could be a zombie... a sex zombie), beyond even the orangey hue that has become normal for housewives and desperate females of all ages in this town. This unnatural orange-brown glow was most likely to allow her awesome, bright pink Forever 21 (what an ironic store name) brand girly tee tank top, which reads "SEXY LITTLE THING", to stand out even more.

It's one thing to strut your aging, surgecially tightened stuff around town while you're all alone, embarrassing only yourself. It's quite another to come into a local video store with your two pre-teen boys while wearing a shirt that is designed to help 13 year old girls attract 25 + year old men.

There should be a warning label on the shirt that says "Recommended ages 16-24. Best used when in a trailer park. If you are over 30 and you're even reading this, please leave the mall immediately. You're a danger to yourself and others and are likely turning your daughter into a slut".

The next logical step to this is seeing her on The Maury Povich show on the episode "My mom stole my boyfriend... and I'm a teenage mother!... and we're both going to Boot Camp!". Those are my favorite episodes.

-Jordan

Kids can't swear for beans.

Today's children spew obscenity like it was... spew, that they're spewing, if you wanna use spew as a noun and a verb, as I tend to do. English people do that a lot, so that's cool.

So it's completely ordinary, almost comforting, to hear punk-bitch teens saying ridiculous things and swearing at the top of their lungs in public with such phrases as "that's gay", "that's retarded", "that's gay retarded", "you're so fucking gay", "fuck you, you gay fuck" and "gay fucking is gay as fuck", as well as chanting obscenities such as "Bitch! Hoe!" in unison down Post Rd. We've become so desensitized to the degenerative language of our nation's youth that it is only when they make a half-assed effort to clean up their school yard slang that we take notice.

I overheard 2 kids attempting to insult each other using profanity, only to be foiled by the conditioning of their clearly square, nerdy parents' mental nerdy influence over the years, resulting in an ineffective and outdated line of insults.

"You dumb crap. You're retarded. You can't bike for beans!"

Whoaaa. Wait a minute, did he just deride his friends bike riding abilities by saying that if beans were at stake for excellence in biking he wouldn't be able to do it, or something like that, whatever that weird phrase means? He did NOT go there.
The last time I heard the words "for beans" at the end of an insult it was at a local church picnic where the other alter boy told me I couldn't potatoe-sack race for beans, fightin' words if I've ever heard them. I said "that's crap! I can race for beans!" and since we were too wussy to fight, we just shook hands and ate beans, proving that at least we could shake hands for beans.

I could tell from their choice of the words "crap" and "beans", instead of the more dynamically used, tougher word "shit", that these kids needed some manlying-up. I took them out back and beat the beans out of them and they thanked me for it.

Kids, don't listen to your parents. Start using really offesive language at an early age. You'll feel like more of an adult and be ready for sex at an even earlier age. That's what I did, and look at me now.

-Jordan

Happy Belated Independence Day from The Showcase

My July 4th gift to the world:


Keep freedom the fuck free.

This card is going to catch on, I know it.
Stay tuned for Father's Day Part II

-Jordan

Brooklyn We Back again

What up er'body
This is a formal announcement of the second coming of BROOKLYN WE BACK, a resurrection of the most sexually gratifying radio experience any one has ever had on record to this date. Broadcasted from the midly religiously affiliated Fairfield University radio, the higher-ups soon realized that we were able to enduce female (and often male) orgasms simply through the power of our voices. Needless to say, they pulled the plug because they couldn't handle our truth.
It's been a full year since BROOKLYN WE BACK caused the simultaneous creaming of every female's underoos in Fairfield County, but this Tuesday, appropriately scheduled on the same day as the celebration of our nation's independence, BROOKLYN WE BACK is actually back. We are working on a deal with the water and laundry detergent companies because of the record increase in use of washing machines right after our shows, so we should be really rich really soon.

Be a part of history this Tuesday, before the decidely unsatisfying display of explosions that is the local fireworks disappoint your patriot expectations, let Brooklyn We Back and our amazing array of surprise guests and thinly veiled messages of revolution take you on a thrill ride that our forefathers would be proud of.

TUESDAY JULY 4th from 6-8pm on 88.5FM or streamed live on www.wvof.org

This one links to our BWB blog

And, be the coolest kid on myspace - become friends with your favorite local DJ's (well, next to WEBE 108's StormN Norman, that is) on myspace by clicking this awesome Jew-made banner created through Adam's fear of our wrath.


Also, you can call in the show and make fun of us, ask us relationship advice or request songs - 254-4111. Please do.

-Jordan AKA DJ Delicious