Kids can't swear for beans.

Today's children spew obscenity like it was... spew, that they're spewing, if you wanna use spew as a noun and a verb, as I tend to do. English people do that a lot, so that's cool.

So it's completely ordinary, almost comforting, to hear punk-bitch teens saying ridiculous things and swearing at the top of their lungs in public with such phrases as "that's gay", "that's retarded", "that's gay retarded", "you're so fucking gay", "fuck you, you gay fuck" and "gay fucking is gay as fuck", as well as chanting obscenities such as "Bitch! Hoe!" in unison down Post Rd. We've become so desensitized to the degenerative language of our nation's youth that it is only when they make a half-assed effort to clean up their school yard slang that we take notice.

I overheard 2 kids attempting to insult each other using profanity, only to be foiled by the conditioning of their clearly square, nerdy parents' mental nerdy influence over the years, resulting in an ineffective and outdated line of insults.

"You dumb crap. You're retarded. You can't bike for beans!"

Whoaaa. Wait a minute, did he just deride his friends bike riding abilities by saying that if beans were at stake for excellence in biking he wouldn't be able to do it, or something like that, whatever that weird phrase means? He did NOT go there.
The last time I heard the words "for beans" at the end of an insult it was at a local church picnic where the other alter boy told me I couldn't potatoe-sack race for beans, fightin' words if I've ever heard them. I said "that's crap! I can race for beans!" and since we were too wussy to fight, we just shook hands and ate beans, proving that at least we could shake hands for beans.

I could tell from their choice of the words "crap" and "beans", instead of the more dynamically used, tougher word "shit", that these kids needed some manlying-up. I took them out back and beat the beans out of them and they thanked me for it.

Kids, don't listen to your parents. Start using really offesive language at an early age. You'll feel like more of an adult and be ready for sex at an even earlier age. That's what I did, and look at me now.

-Jordan