Cool Mom Alert

If The Wave is any thing, it's a hotbed of Cool Mom activity. (See "Mean Girls" for a proper demonstration of what a "cool mom" is). It is important to understand that Cool Mom does not necessarily denote hotness or M.I.L.F. status, in fact the two terms rarely intersect in reality, though clearly mean the same thing in the minds of these moms. Let's face it, they think they're hot shit.
I just helped a middle-aged woman who had tanned her skin far beyond what's natural for still-living humans (she could be a zombie... a sex zombie), beyond even the orangey hue that has become normal for housewives and desperate females of all ages in this town. This unnatural orange-brown glow was most likely to allow her awesome, bright pink Forever 21 (what an ironic store name) brand girly tee tank top, which reads "SEXY LITTLE THING", to stand out even more.

It's one thing to strut your aging, surgecially tightened stuff around town while you're all alone, embarrassing only yourself. It's quite another to come into a local video store with your two pre-teen boys while wearing a shirt that is designed to help 13 year old girls attract 25 + year old men.

There should be a warning label on the shirt that says "Recommended ages 16-24. Best used when in a trailer park. If you are over 30 and you're even reading this, please leave the mall immediately. You're a danger to yourself and others and are likely turning your daughter into a slut".

The next logical step to this is seeing her on The Maury Povich show on the episode "My mom stole my boyfriend... and I'm a teenage mother!... and we're both going to Boot Camp!". Those are my favorite episodes.

-Jordan