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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Picture/Asshole of the Week - Get Low to the Flo'

The Media Wave Picture/ Asshole of the Week (Day?):

No, this isn't my attempt at getting sexy shot of a 3rd graders fatty for my spank bank. Although, it seems as though I've succeeded with that either way.

I took this candid-camera phone picture from behind a DVDs-For-Sale rack, all covert style n shit. If you couldn't tell, this is a real photo of a grown woman and her young daughter sprawled out, lying in the middle of the goddamn store like they own the mothafucka.

Not only that, but unfortunately this image couldn't totally capture the unsightly mess that is just hinted at to the right of the picture next to her leg - this woman, who presumably owns a home, handles adult responsiblity to at least the point that is necessary to exist, and who is rearing a child, left a HUGE mess of empty soda bottles, open DVD boxes and some other junk from her purse or some bullshit. Fuck my balls, are you kidding me? It gets worse...

Not only was she lying in the middle of the store in a pile of garbage with her young daughter, but at the point of this picture she had been lying on the floor, head to our rarely cleaned, frequently uriniated upon carpet, for more than 10 MINUTES!....
ON HER CELL PHONE!!
Yes, that's right. She was carrying on a very loud and obnoxious cell phone conversation while lying in the middle of a fucking popular retail business - with her daugher following her lead - for probably 15 minutes straight.
"Hey Meegan! Oh good, how are you? yea, you know... - I'm just lying down resting. No, I'm not home, I'm at the video store with my daughter, Madisen. No it's ok, I can talk. No, yea...- yea, no I'm on the floor. Yeeea, the floor. I was soo tired when I got here I literally could not wait until I got home to lay down. You know what I mean, right? I KNOW! It's like, when you're tired you're tired, right?, and you can't, like, mess with nature - at least that's what my herbalist told me. And it's like, Madisen was already on the floor pulling DVD boxes off the shelves, so I figured if she could do it so could I. Yea- yea, no yea I know, rules of public conduct are sooo stupid!- YES! "
And so forth...
Well, that is how I imagined her cell phone conversation going... I figure her daughter's name is Madisen because anyone named Madisen is a fucking dumb bitch, or raised by one, so...

The whole time I was trying my best to secretly take pictures from different angles but it was too difficult without blowing my cover. I'm pretty sure she saw me doing it once but didn't really care and just continued laying there chatting herself silly.

AND she's wearing really ugly boots with stupid grey sweatpants. What a bitch.

Let me also remind the reader that this is not by any means the first picture I have someone lying on floor in the middle of the store. I think to date this is the 4th, maybe the 5th picture I've taken with my trusty camera phone of this phenomenon - of the incidents I actually got to take pictures of, here are some of the pictures I still have:


It's one thing if 8 year olds do it - Hell, I used to do it. I was even lazier as a kid than I am now, and that's saying a lot considering I used to fall asleep on display beds (and in the backroom) at my last job at a furniture store. But middle aged women? I always knew older women would be laying down anywhere to get with me, but I never imagined this!

-Jordan

3 Comments:

  • At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Latanya said…

    Maybe you have some pretty comfy carpet up in that biotch?!

    I am sorry, but it's gross to lay your head on some random public carpet. Man, I tell you...some people.

     
  • At 1:34 PM, Blogger 4head said…

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! jezus CHRIST, that's just fucking retarded. I hate people

     
  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger Brother Haruspex said…

    I like these pictures a lot. Not because they shows how stupid/lazy/worthless people are (though I may not show it all the time, I actually like people quite a bit and tend to think individuality is a wee bit overrated, maybe even an illusion) but rather because they are really, really interesting to look at taken out of context. Thank you.

     

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