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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Adam's stalkers aren't that bad looking I guess

As you might have read (see below), the Media Wave staff (collectively) has claimed yet another young maidens heart, just by stone cold chillin' and doin' the damn thing. I suppose in this case it could count as 2 young hearts, considering these stalkers work as a team, which could work out quite nicely for the particular employee they have their sights set on and creepy letters addressed to.
I think at this point, between the stalkers of the store itself and those dedicated to individual employees, we could probably get a small cult together and live in an isolated community of inappropriately directed love.

Adam had a few strange encounters and one very random Valentine's Day Card, hand written and delivered to him at the store days before Feb. 14th by 2 peculiar lasses, and we all gave a big "Awwww Adam has a wawintine!" and thought it might end with that. Oh, were we ever wrong. More pointlessly strange phone calls have followed, along with a written synopsis of their thoughts on the movie they rented from him (that Adam's never seen) that was dropped through the return slot in a big plastic bag one night, similar to anonymous way the Letters we used to get from my favorite stalker were dropped.

As promised, here are the scanned images of the new Letter/Thinly veiled death threat(If interpreted the right way... at least that's how I took it):

Clever. They decided to correctly fill out the rarely noticed "Contents" and "Date" section on most big plastic bags, but didn't pay much attention to whatever day it was, but at least it was important enough to note the month and the year for archiving purposes.

Notice they clearly addressed this to Paul, the owner of the store, who looks nothing like Adam. We know they meant Adam becuase they try to identify Paul as "the guy with dark puffy-hair", but I have no idea where they got Paul's name and who told them Paul was Adam.

When you get down to the actual content of the letter, there isn't much weird about it - Except that they selectively use the 3rd person. That, or they switch writers. "we thought it was kinda bad" - "Ann really likes.." - "Erin also likes...", instead of "I also like...". That, and the overall pointlessness of it all.
In fact, they aren't bad looking chicks, and they seem to wanna get all up on his junk. I wouldn't blame Adam if he hit that shit, and he'd get extra points if he tries to Houdini them. Just as long as they don't ask for a break on late fees.

This comes nowhere near the best stalker, who used rotating celebrity/world leader identities as his/her (are girls really this nerdy?) name in a desperate attempt to persuade Paul (not Adam) to buy a long list of his/her favorite obscure out of print cult sci-fi movies. He would also print it out on a computer and use different font styles to match which identity he was using (for example: he uses caligraphy style font when writing as the Queen of England), and he also put scented smiley face stickers on some of the letters (specifically the from written from the identity of murderous dictator Idi Amin Daba ...). Now that's what I call a stalker!

Anyway, we're hoping that this doesn't turn into an obsessive love relationship that ends with Adam's death because we really need him covering the weekend shifts, because Drew and I really don't want to.

Further Reading: Check out each letter from My Favorite Stalker (some linked above already) -
Letter I - The Queen Of England
Letter II - Idi Amin Dada
Letter III - Poopie Pants
Letter IV, V & VI - Trilogy of Terror (Enough already!)



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