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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

What the Deaf Man Heard

Last night I had one of those first's in life that you never really expect to get the oppertunity to have, but you always hope you will. I am speaking, of course, of witnessing a screaming match between a deaf retarded middle-aged man and his father... Over the phone. So I guess I really didn't technically witness anything. Anyway...

Here's the story:
I answer the phone and immediately detect yelling on the other end, so instead of saying "Good evening, Media Wave" or some bullshit, I say nothing and play the waiting game hoping to catch more of the fight.
The caller turns out to be the father of one of our most frequent customers, a 40-something deaf retarded man who rents a good mix of foreign films and family movies.
followed by the faint squeel of a deaf person trying to yell back "NOO SHUT UP DAD! YOU FUCKIN PEOPLE!! AHHH!"
Finally I decide that I could step in at this point and propel this conversation to another dynamic.
He asks me for a movie that hasn't come out yet, and when I tell him we don't have it he yells back "BBOOOBBBBY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MOVIE? THEY DONT HAVE IT!". Bobby sums up his emotional reaction to this with a simple but refined "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRGGGGGGGGH!!"
His father says "Jesus Christ, he's goin crazy here, I don't know what the hell to do... THEY DON'T HAVE IT!! STOP!! YOU RENT TOO MANY MOVIES!!.. sorry"
I wish him good luck and resume my normal life as if I didn't just overhear an epic battle of wits between a deaf retarded man and his angry father.

He calls back 10 minutes later and asks for the exact same movie he did before. I say "Didn't we just go over this?" and he says ".... uh, oh shit. Listen, Bobby's goin nuts over here, we're searchin everywhere for this freakin' movie and he won't shut up! I don't even know who I'm callin at this point! SHUT UP! THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!! Ok, see ya later"

and that was that.

It was the first, but hopefully not the last. If you count Drew as a retarded
def man (which I do) and Paul his illegitimate father, then I guess I've witnessed many a fight of this proportion, but this was the real deal.
I'll never be the same again.


This story translates poorly to text. It's a lot funnier if you heard me impersonating the deaf man's squeel, and the father yelling. But take it or leave it.

Also, this is in no way insulting the mentally challenged, be they deaf or the fathers of the deaf. Don't take it the wrong way, you bitches


  • At 10:37 PM, Anonymous coop said…

    no sir brokeback mountain is not out yet

  • At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    guess you had to be there.

  • At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Jordan said…

    ouch. thanks anonymous. deal with it.

  • At 1:53 AM, Blogger 4head said…

    you are so going to hell

  • At 3:08 AM, Blogger Scarletizm said…

    I accidentally yelled and made fun of a slow person like 2 weeks ago. Just thought I'd share.


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