The Best Impulse Buy Item Ever

Like most people, I am a slave to my impulses. This makes me susceptible to many forms of consumer manipulation, the most helpful for me being the exploitation of my laziness and lack of will power, in other words a very special part of the store that is often referred to as the "impulse item" section next to the register. As a result, I do the majority of my most important shopping there. I mean, you go into a store to buy frozen dinners, laundry detergent and tampons, but what you really need is right there in the convenient location at the register. You can't not buy the stuff, it's right there!
Candy bars, "Git R Done" lighters, celebrity tabloids, crazy motorized wiggle pens, batteries, disposable razors, vaginal gel and personalized rubber bracelets.

Wait... vaginal gel? That's right, vaginal gel! But this was no ordinary convenience store or grocery market, this was Mrs. Green's Natural Health Food market, so that might clear up some of the confusion.

I was in there the other day... not buying health food because that would be totally brokeback, and while checking out at the regi I was browsing their holistic-style impulse items, wondering to myself how anyone disciplined enough to eat healthy food and take vitamins could actually act on their impulse to buy a treat or an unnecessary item of any kind. Instead of your ordinary "Git R Done" merchandise, I found this curious item among other various body products that normal red meat-eatin', God fearin' non-commies would be horrified at seeing in their impulse item section:


Since I was feeling quite impulsive that day, their masterful sales technique worked and I decided "heck, I could use some vaginal gel after all! Besides, when else am I going to get a chance to buy it if I need it later?".

A natural foods health food store is probably the only place, with the definate exception of Media Wave and maybe the Penthouse Boutique, where you would find a box of Vaginal Gel sitting right next to the register for all the see.
Maybe that's what is wrong with this country? Maybe more people should be faced with the word "vagina" every day, and maybe, just maybe, more people should have vaginal gel readily available in the convenient location. After all, what is Vaginal Gel if not an impulse buy?

-Jordan