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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Best Impulse Buy Item Ever

Like most people, I am a slave to my impulses. This makes me susceptible to many forms of consumer manipulation, the most helpful for me being the exploitation of my laziness and lack of will power, in other words a very special part of the store that is often referred to as the "impulse item" section next to the register. As a result, I do the majority of my most important shopping there. I mean, you go into a store to buy frozen dinners, laundry detergent and tampons, but what you really need is right there in the convenient location at the register. You can't not buy the stuff, it's right there!
Candy bars, "Git R Done" lighters, celebrity tabloids, crazy motorized wiggle pens, batteries, disposable razors, vaginal gel and personalized rubber bracelets.

Wait... vaginal gel? That's right, vaginal gel! But this was no ordinary convenience store or grocery market, this was Mrs. Green's Natural Health Food market, so that might clear up some of the confusion.

I was in there the other day... not buying health food because that would be totally brokeback, and while checking out at the regi I was browsing their holistic-style impulse items, wondering to myself how anyone disciplined enough to eat healthy food and take vitamins could actually act on their impulse to buy a treat or an unnecessary item of any kind. Instead of your ordinary "Git R Done" merchandise, I found this curious item among other various body products that normal red meat-eatin', God fearin' non-commies would be horrified at seeing in their impulse item section:


Since I was feeling quite impulsive that day, their masterful sales technique worked and I decided "heck, I could use some vaginal gel after all! Besides, when else am I going to get a chance to buy it if I need it later?".

A natural foods health food store is probably the only place, with the definate exception of Media Wave and maybe the Penthouse Boutique, where you would find a box of Vaginal Gel sitting right next to the register for all the see.
Maybe that's what is wrong with this country? Maybe more people should be faced with the word "vagina" every day, and maybe, just maybe, more people should have vaginal gel readily available in the convenient location. After all, what is Vaginal Gel if not an impulse buy?

-Jordan

8 Comments:

  • At 6:13 PM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    Proofread, dahiling.
    You post too many blogs between here and MySpace - at least pretend to have something better to do than be on the Internet all day like the rest of us do.

     
  • At 7:14 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    I DID PROOF READ! I dont know what you're talking about! What is incorrect??

    besides, i think a lot. all of it is worth reading, but i only write not 4% of it.
    and I havent blogged in many a day

    I spend a lot of time defending this website as more than a gay stupid "blog". but in this case, fuck proofreading, its only a blog!

    -Jordan

     
  • At 7:21 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    Seriously, I proof read this post twice before publishing. Then after your comment I spell-checked it on Word and there was 1 tiny spelling error in the whole thing. I don't know what you're talking about.

    and as far as post too much, half the people that read it seem to read every month or something, and the other half complain that there arent enough posts per day/week. (so thats 1 person for each side)
    blogs are the only thing that make myspace worth checking.

     
  • At 7:25 PM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    Whoa, dude, chill! You know I am just giving you shit. Definate man, fucking definate. That shit kills me. I love you though, but I recently found out you like Phish and one day I may have to kill you in cold blood. I hope you forgive me, and also understand I was obligated to do this for your own good.

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    Yea i know you are, but you happen to be the only one who comments to say "proof read!" and i never understand why. On top of that, I had someone read that phish review and all they responded with was "proof read!" and all i say is "its a fucking draft! ill proof read when im done". However, Definate happened to be the only word that needed spell checking, and I usually spell that fine but when I'm typing fast i mix up letters or whatever. Sorry.

    And about Phish.. sorry man, they are amazing. You like a lot of stuff I would say is total shit, but not only are Phish great song writers but they are the best rock improvisors in the last 20 years. You can say the GD invited the jam band, but Phish really are THE jam band and thats for a reason. I guess there are as many reasons to love Phish as there are to hate them, so I don't blame you for hating them. Though I lose a little bit of respect for Drew each time he makes fun of them after knowing only one song which happens to be a child-like fun song about a car. Like repetative techno is any more intellectual, and like all music has to be completely ulta intellectual? If only you people knew how good they are...


    forgive my sensitivity about the spell checking... but i mean, hey. 1 word does not warrant a whole comment.

     
  • At 10:10 PM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    What do I like that is total shit??!!

    Oh yea, being THE Jam band is not an endorsement in my world.

    :P

     
  • At 12:23 AM, Blogger JordanC said…

    well considering you live in amsterdam right now, it might actually be an endorsement in your world at the moment.

    either way, i dont know what band, you took off your 40 page alphabetic bands on myspace so i cant reference anything. I hate what i've heard of Xiu Xiu and you know it.

    um.. yea... Phish Rulez, Max Droooolz.

    they had a picture taking booth at the movie theater tonight and one of the backgrounds they advertise on the outside is it saying "GirlZ Rule" on the top of the frame. I REALLY want to get me and drew in that frame, but it was out of paper.

     
  • At 9:10 AM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    Damn, I wanna see that picture! Get on it.
    Also, you have no soul beause you don't like Xiu Xiu.
    The only even vaguely jam-related thing I could ever endorse was the Grateful Dead/John Oswald collaboration Greyfolding. Did you ever hear that? John Oswald (who invented the mash-up like 20+ years ago) took every version of "Dark Star" in the Dead's vaults and mixed it together into once CD-long track that is the "ultimate" Dark Star. It's pretty kick-ass.

     

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