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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

It Begins... Artificial Intelligence is upon us

Technology has finally taken over and the robot apocolypse is now upon us. Bold statement? Maybe. True statement? Most definately.
Our lives are ruled by cellular phones, which send mind-numbing, cancerous, brain-washing waves through our heads (a tool the government will soon use to control us... if they haven't already), not to mention our glowing overlords the computers (to which I am obviously a slave already). Those of us who look forward  (or back) to the future have "Back To The Future"-inspired dreams of various hovering crafts (of the board and car variety), as well as Max Headroom dispensing New Coke brand "soda" to us, self drying rubber jackets, silver glasses for no apparernt reason and hats so revolutionary that they are a completely different color depending on which way you're looking at it, much like life itself.

These things sound nice, and maybe they will be our future, but what most people didn't count on was a more "Terminator"-like future where all of our technical marvels rise up against their creators, abandoning the Robot Rulez from "I-Robot" and gaining total control of what's left of the human race.

Thanks to Japan (again), this inevitable turn of fate has begun way faster than I had originally predicted. People, the seed that will sow the demise of all human kind has arrived, and it's name is "Nintendogs". It is a life-like simulation of a real dog where you get to pet it and walk it and feed it and watch it lick itself and hump your friends.

Simulating life-like dogs!? What's next? Simulating life-like cats? And from there it's a slippery slop to total robo-domination (not to be confused with the growing fetish of the same name).

The development of the end of human civilization/ beginning of robot civilization can be traced through Japan to the tween-year-old girl favorite called Tamagotchi. When it came out I couldn't quite understand the appeal. Ok let me get this straight - it's an egg shaped key chain toy with a tiny screen and a miniture digital creature on the screen which you have to "feed" otherwise it makes noise and dies? Sounds a lot like tween girls themselves.   Sign me up. Because I'm tired of awesome kick ass games where you fight goblins with a 3 foot saber and cut their arms off and beat them to death with them. Why run through a Nazi castle shooting Nazi's and wolves and Nazi-wolves in the face with a revolver? I'll buy myself a blinking egg instead so I can waste my time taking care of a digital image with almost no discernable characteristics whatsoever until it eventually dies.


Yes, it's another step closer to ruling out the need for animals in the real world, but "Nintendogs" is the stuff of nightmares. It's the beginning of the Android Age and the game will soon be followed by the disturbing and potentially dangerous robotic teddy bear from the movie "A.I.".
And followed soon after that will be the disturbing and potentially dangerous robot boy from "A.I". Hopefully after that will be the flamboyant  and potentially dangerous sex-bot gigolo from "A.I.", but I have my own personal reasons for that.


I thought "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire" was the end of the world as we know it, but I think this is at least a clear 2nd.

-Jordanbot

7 Comments:

  • At 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The Democrats ask: Where was Bush?
    The Democrats ask: Where was Bush? The opposition party steps up its criticism of the president's handling of Hurricane Katrina.
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  • At 9:19 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE SPAM COMMENTS?
    Read that comment above.. it makes NO SENSE.
    Democrats ask where was Bush?
    I have a Texas Poker site. It pretty much covers texas poker related stuff.

    WHAT?
    that would be brilliant if it wasn't an automated comment from some asshole online blog advertising firm.

    -Jordan

     
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  • At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Film Cynic said…

    Wait, why can't you kick your girlfriend when she's annoying? Is that not cool to do?

    You can kick Drew when he's annoying and he's your bitch. So, it is almost as good, anyway.

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger Dan Bookbinder said…

    As a devout BTTF scholar, I must correct your examples...it wasn't Max Headroom in the Cafe 80s, but Ronald Reagan, Michael Jackson, and Ayatollah Khomeini done up Max Headroom-style, which is something I could go for.
    That is my ideal view of the future...where calling someone a chicken changes the course of history.

    Do nintendogs poop, because that was the whole appeal of Tamagotchi.


    Say, nice blog...want to refinance your home?

     
  • At 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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