R. Kelly Pees on The VMAs/ other highlights

OH MY GOD. I hope I'm not the only one who tuned into R. Kelly's anticipated one-man performance of his "urban operetta", "Trapped In The Closet" at the MTV VMA's tonight. It was outrageously humorous, but no more than this entire spectacle has been for the last 2 months. Or was it?
R introduced the next chapter of the ongoing saga, and it was totally crazy. Yes, I AM going to spoil it for you hardcore fans waiting with baited breath to find out what happens to Rufus, Chuck, Kathy, Mary and whoever the hell else is in that mixed up motely crue cast of characters.
First of all, it was introduced by Usher, the only guy in the world who has more ego than R. Kelly, and it was regarded with the utmost respect and praise as it has been in the media since its release - I just don't get it. My mom was trying to defend it today even though this was the first she's heard it. Listen - I don't give a good god damn what it calls itself or if it does actually make any sense, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.
But I digress. Let's get to the point, shall we?

Maybe the best thing about this is that R Kelly was playing ALL the parts himself, so it was sort of like witnessing a multiple personality meltdown and have a romantic breakdown. R's head was turning left and right so fast it made my head... spin, too. He was wearing a classy suit so you couldn't tell the difference between the 2 or 3 male characters and the female character, so to illustrate his fine acting abilities he made hand motions like a little girl running around when he was speaking as Kathy. Think about the most stereotypical way to act out a whiney little girl/or flaming gay man... that's what he did to act as Kathy. Needless to say, it helped with the gender confusion (a problem I've been personally wrestling with since age 9).

I got caught off guard when the new chapter started but here's what I got out of it:

"Rufus said "Kathy!"
Kathy said "Rufus!"
Chuck said "Rufus!"
"Kathy!" said Chuck
Rufus said "Kathy!"
"Rufus! Chuck! Kathy!" for quite a while.

You might think I got confused with my quotations there, but I didn't. At least, I couldn't tell who was actually saying what because R was doing it all himself. As far as I know, he confused himself.
Anyway, Chuck and Kathy start fighting over Rufus and you get to watch R. Kelly literally play tug of war with himself on stage. He's tossing and turning every which way, trying his best to give each character the justice the actors in the original music videos did. Brava, R., Brava.
Here's how the rest of it goes in big capital bold letters with exclimation points, which is the only way they can be written:

RUFUS LETS GO OF CHUCK!!
He tells his wife he's sorry
RUFUS KISSES CHUCK!!
my favorite part: R. Kelly can't help himself but LAUGH when he has to pretend to kiss Chuck.
Kathy gets all pissy with her sassy attitude because Rufus is choosing some gay dude over her and then....


...


RUFUS GOES BACK TO KATHY!!!
audience applaudes because that's what nature intended them to do.

Wow, I've waiting so long for that and... I don't seem to care anymore. hmm
We'll see how the rest of this masterpiece goes whenever it comes out.

Other highlights of the VMAs Included:
-The Killers wore eyeliner
-Fat Joe showcased his public speaking abilities when he introduced some Rican dude by saying "He's none other than from puerto rico. "
-"Gasolinas", the song that I bowl to/can't get out of my FUCKING HEAD even though I don't understand a word of it, makes its live american debut.
-Fall Out Boy (or is it falloutboy, you never know with that emo) gets an award for bringing annoying pop punk to an audience that tried its hardest not to listen but now has its infectiously catching chorus in its head at ALL times! AH! (yes, that is really a new award)Another song I can't get out of my FUCKING HEAD even though I don't understand a word of it...
-Oh yea, and do you know how I know you're gay? Because you watched Coldplay perform on The VMAs, thats how. And you probably teared up too, you little bitch.

There were probably other funny things to happen but I stopped watching it at that point because
A. I knew it would suck and MTV will be rerunning it 14 hours a day for the next 2 months
B. I had to leave to go see Broken Flowers... which better be good.

-Jordan