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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Even vampires get lonely

This guy just came up to rent something and after I looked up his account I noticed he had an embarrassing movie out late, so I decided to go ahead and mention it anyway.
"Did you bring back 'Crimson Nights'? It's 3 days late"

He gives a very hearty laugh and says with an amusing sense of conviction, maybe even pride, "Oooh YEA!! I returned it, it is definitely late. Boy was I drunk that night! I came in here and said to myself, 'hey, this store is fucked up, why the hell not?!'"

To understand the real humor in this, aside from the fact that he was drunk and said that The Wave is "fucked up" (which gives me endless amusement on its own), the movie "Crimson Night" has a subtitle to it that you should know.
"Crimson Nights: Vampire's Seduction".

Yea, he rented soft-core vampire porn... I guess you'd have to be drunk. But then again, we are the ones who carry soft-core vampire porn, and a lot of it to be honest, so is it The Wave that's fucked up for carrying it, or is it fucked up that there is a sizable market demand for this particular genre?

The answer, of course, is neither. What kind of movie rental store would we be if we didn't carry vampire porn, and more importantly, what kind of world would it be if there was no vampire porn? I wouldn't want to be a vampire in that world, that's for sure.

For the record, I am in no way adverse to any kind of porn, soft-core, vampire or otherwise.

I love when we get guys who think it's funny to ask if we have a porn section to get a laugh out of their friends, and then when I say "yea, sort of - it's over there, top shelf", they go "no shit, really? hold on guys I'm gonna check this out". Awkward... What kind of homo rents porn with his friends?

There's this one guy who goes straight for anything even close to porn. He came in yesterday and asked if we had the new releases for the week up for rental yet and we said yes thinking he wanted "Match Point" or something. Instead he comes up to the counter with the one kinky mature movie we got, which is actually a cult sci-fi lesbian vampire sex horror film from the 80's, Evils Of The Night. It doesn't matter what the plot of the film is, the suggestion of nudity seems to be the only thing that inspires this man to rent anything. However, the fact that it's alien vampire porn doesn't hurt.
This might actually find it's way to the DVD's of the Week post because it's so brilliant.
"Alien vampires have just landed from outer space in search of the one substance they need to survive... TEENAGE BLOOD!"

The synopsis from IMDB is "Sex-hungry teens are kidnapped by auto mechanics, who take them to a rural hospital run by aliens who need their blood as the key to their own longevity. "

It's an obvious allegory for the consumerism, indulgence and conservative government of the 1980's, and I say well done!.

By the way, I'm pretty drunk right now so when I wrote this post I was like "it's pretty fucked up... what the hell!"



  • At 11:31 PM, Blogger Cliff Brenford said…

    It's just as funny to me that it's starring James Carradine and Julie Newmar!
    Look it up, kids.

  • At 1:24 PM, Blogger RockSteadyVybes said…

    HAHAHAHAHA I totally have to come in and rent Crimson Nights now


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