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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Monday, March 06, 2006

The first 15 of our unlimited minutes of fame

If you're reading this blog you've probably said to yourself, "these guys should have their own T.V. show", and you may or may not have added "...in the nude" to that thought, depending on how well you know us.
On the other hand, if you're reading this blog you're probably not a high-powered, hard-hitting local news reporter celebrity, so your opinion doesn't amount to much more than a hill of balls in this town.

Media Wave made the news the other day and this time it wasn't for domestic violence but rather for Dizturbing Tha Peaze. Well, at least that's what I remember the news story being called in my head before it aired. If not, that will be the name of the first album by The Media Wave Playaz, an all improvised a cappella group from the streetz.

Here's the story:

Yesterday morning Drew and I were just stone cold chizillaxin, just gettin our work on, when fate stepped through the door. After fate walked through, a news crew came in after. I had just gone to take a wiz and when I walked out of the bathroom, still adjusting my junk for proper post-wiz enjoyment, I saw some dude with a big video camera. I thought maybe "Cops" had finally done the episode on Media Wave that I keep requesting them to do, but it turns out it was News Channel 12 disrupting our business and interviewing our very knowledgable, "In Her Shoes"-rentin' customers about what their Oscar predictions are.

I tried sneaking by without getting noticed, but since I've chosen to have an appearance that prevents blending in anywhere, without or without orange/brown camouflage, I got caught out and forced to be on camera. A serendipitous event it was!

I was interviewed about why "Munich" should win but won't, and most importantly about why my employee picks are "Hollywood Shuffle", "Heathers" and the legendary classic "Teen Witch"(scroll down). This is the beginning of an already hip "Teen Witch" movement that will be next on the looong list of movements that started at The Showcase of Depravity.
Drew got interviewed for a while because he's obviously smarter than I am, and because he was dressed like a dock worker at the time (Dock workers tend to wear Lacost hats).


Eventually the interview naturally turned to flirting and we got her to offer us a slot on News 12 as pop culture anchors. After she pretty much said we were the coolest dudes in town and should have our own show we informed her that she should have already been aware of our hugely successful radio show "BROOKLYN WE BACK" and she said she'd love to do a story about it. Her only concern was that our level of sexiness was around an 11 when the stations clear policy is that sexiness must be kept to a 7 or less, and that ultimately the people couldn't handle our long hard truth.

What ended up on the actual news was the best 1 1/2 minutes of news that Connecticut has ever seen - they got knocked on their asses. When Media Wave gets interviewed on camera we bring da noize AND da funk, hardstyle. Drew got most of the on-air camera time because he's a diva - they actually filmed and aired him doing work while talking on his cell phone! What a little bitch girl, huh? Paul won't be happy about that.

By far the most clever part of the interview is when the reporter asked everyone the classic red carpet question, "So, Who are you wearing?". Delightful.
Drew got all the laughs by explaining that he stole his shirt from our friend Charles, but she cut both of our good lines off from the final on-air product. Luckily I was wearing a super sexy blazer on this particular day, a blazer which Drew had previously made fun of me for wearing but which made all the chicks watching Channel 12 5 O'clock News cream their pants.

They filmed our employee picks section, doing an extreme close up on my "Jordan's Boughetto Picks" sign (also see: "Boughetto" in the middle). It was amazing. Finally both "Teen Witch" and the word "boughetto" get the attention they deserve in the conservative media, which is decidely not boughetto. My only regret is that "Teen Wolf", my true favorite (not just of films with "teen" in the title or of films with "wolf" in the title, but of all films), didn't get represented and neither did "Trapped In The Closet", this generation's "The Godfather". But that's why it's called" show business" and not "show friends", if you know what I mean... I don't.

Funny side note - one of the customers they interviewed had left after she was done renting her movies and came back at least 10 minutes later because she suddenly remembered some story relating to her personal experience with the Oscars and she came back hoping the news crew was still there just so she could tell her story on camera. When she came back I asked her if she needed help and she pretty much ignored me then nodded in the direction of the camera as if to tell me "Uh, no, I'm with the camera crew, thank you". I wouldn't be surprised if she purposely left so she could go put more make-up on or even change her shirt into something nicer. None of her Oscar story made it on the air.

Message to The Man: BROOKLYN WE BACK are now kings of all media, there ain't no stoppin us now.

So next time you come into Media Wave you better recognize that you're dealing with celebrities who are better than you, not just video store clerks who are better than you.


-Signing out, I'm Jordan Chesnutt from Channel 12 News saying "Connecticut, Go on wit ya damn self"

(Chesnutt is my assumed news anchor name)

3 Comments:

  • At 1:13 AM, Anonymous Jess said…

    congrats on the 15 min of fame..

    being in NH for school really makes you miss news 12.

     
  • At 7:52 AM, Anonymous Film Cynic said…

    When you're on News 12 it is much more than 15 minutes. They loop that shit for hours and hours.

     
  • At 6:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree with you about Munich. This story was very, very funny and good. My current girlfriend who I met in Amsterdam is from fucking Norwalk and went to high school with Jill. You Connecticut types sure travel. You guys going to Intonation again this year? It's rumored I am making an appearance. Oh, this is Max if you haven't figured it out cuz Blogger is sorta Brokeback right now.

     

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