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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey!

Today, like every other day of the year except Christmas (yes, we're even open on Bastille Day), Media Wave opens it's doors to the movie watching public. You might think "why the hell is a video store open? It's Thanksgiving for crying out loud, don't people have better things to do?"
The answer is a resounding NO. In fact, hordes of people flock to the video store in a last attempt to find some way to avoid having to actually talk with people they are bound to only by blood relation (vampires?) and law, and obviously not by shared interests or pleasure of conversation with eachother.

The same phenonmenon occurs during big rain and snow storm and every other holiday on the calender. I see people renting 10 movies at a time, and I suppose they don't want one single second to go by where anyone has to think or talk to eachother because as we all know, thinking and talking to eachother is how a fight starts.

Don't get me wrong, I am a strong advocate of avoiding boring, pointless and awkward "hey how are ya" conversations where people who never see eachother catch up in a matter of 5 sentences because no one does anything interesting in their lives at all.
Here's an example of my conversation when visiting 90% of my extended family:
Older Family Member Whose Name I Don't Remember: Hey there buddy, how's it goin?
Me: Pretty good, you know...
Family: Yea, OH I KNOW! heh heh, yea so.. getting ready for some TURKEY??"
Me: Yea, I haven't eaten all day so I'm pretty hungry. You?
Family: Oh you bet! That's what Thanksgiving is all about, right??
Me: Yea... sure. So how are... your..? how are you?
Family: Oh, good, good. Everyone's good. After Sam died it's been tough, but you know...
Me: (thinking... Sam? Who is Sam?) Yea, us too. Well, I gotta hit the bathroom
Family: Oh, I know whatcha mean! Alright, take care
Me: yea, I'm sure I'll see you on the cou- or, yea, take care too...


It's completely pointless. If I didn't have some small part of me that has an interest in the basic well being of my family members, I wouldn't go at all.
So I suppose this is how all families are because I see all of them desperately renting movies to avoid that very situation. It's just sad, that's all. I think conversation classes should be required in high school or college, I really do.

Well, enough on that for now. You can find these thoughts and more in my upcoming collection of essays called "'Really, I don't care' and Other Essays on the Importance of Good Conversation"

Now, back to the topic of the day: Thanksgiving. What's most important this year is that we stop focusing on the Katrina "disaster" and the few shortcomings of the Bush administration, but that we are winning the War on Turkeys.


Look at how freaky turkeys are. That looks less like a turkey and more like Major Evil, commander of the Armies of Hell.

This turkey hates our freedom.

But then again, this particular turkey was high on the Bush's list for Supreme Court judge.

Bush:"I'm finally talking to someone who can understand me. I think we're pretty similar"
Turkey:"Gobble gobble gooble"
Bush: "Yeehaw! You said it, Turkey. You're good people."


Bush: "Hey, Clinton got some, why can't I?"

-Jordan

7 Comments:

  • At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You're so funny...you're a cute little go getter.

     
  • At 7:05 PM, Blogger BloomingtonGirl said…

    Brilliant! and right on the money. Thanks for the laugh on my "vacation" here in cloudy Florida. I eagerly await your upcoming essays.

     
  • At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Carrie said…

    am i the only person who likes the ackwardness of family gatherings? i think i am. if you just weed through the bullshit of "i havent seen you in five years and barely know you banter" you find a real person who feels just as weird about the conversation as you do. so if you just put it out there, you can move on to more interesting topics. Just because my grandma is crazy and used to work at mcdonalds, doesnt mean she cant make a joke about being 83 and having a weak bladder. Its likely that your family members are just as self aware as you are, and you shouldnt give up on them so easily.

     
  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    I wouldn't go so far as to say I LIKE awkwardness. It provides humorous material and if I'm lucky enough to have my brother and sister there it becomes pretty funny to talk amongst ourselves. But for the most part, I understand what you're saying and have often thought in depth about it/wished it was the case in my family, but it really isn't.
    However, I'm only talking about one side of my family. My dad's side if filled with young, vibrant and self aware people who can relate to jokes and even make some of their own.
    My mom's side of the family has an unusual amount of elderly people and even though they are functioning human beings, they might as well not be listening to me back they only pick one one or two highlights to respond to and never understand any jokes unless they are "so a guy walked into a bar" kind of jokes. I could go on for 5 minutes about school and my GF and work, and my great uncle would get this out of it: "Girlfriend? School? What's a Media Wave? Well that's great, keep it up and work hard."

    When the ENTIRE side of that family gets together there are peopel closer to my age who are more able to respond to me and at least 1 or 2 of them feel the same way I do (for the most part) about awkward family and we can talk about that among other things... but even then it can get tiresome.

    I enjoy my family. I go through different periods where I either really don't want to go to any stupid gatherings or I really feel connected to them, or rather don't feel as connected as i should be and want to get to know them all better.

    but either way it ususally fades into a balance of loving my family, not liking awkwardness, but finding ways to get through it.
    I'll probably write a little more about my thanksgiving experience later.


    -Jordan

     
  • At 12:35 PM, Anonymous Carrie said…

    agreed. sorry about that previous comment, i got in a fight with my sister over thanksgiving about her giving up on some of our family members, (cutting them off as she likes to put it) - so i felt the need to comment. but yeah, i see what you're saying, and agree.
    i'm done now.

     
  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger Scarletizm said…

    I can't stand family time together. Seeing as how I don't have many people who are family in Cali.

    So I spent Thanksgiving at a friends house of my mom's and they, not we, played a movie dvd game.

    Things like that make you or maybe just me think, WTF.

     
  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous J said…

    WTF with Britney?

     

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