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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Amending Jordan’s Madness

Response To: “Over the Top”

First off, keep in mind that “Over the Top” is just a big rip off of “Kramer vs. Kramer” except that it includes the amazing element of arm-wrestling. I mean – arm wrestling! Supposedly, audiences at the time, would walk out of “Kramer vs. Kramer” and go “You know, child custody movies are good and all, but what they’re really missing is arm wrestling.” So, ask and ye shall receive, and boy did fucking Stallone receive. Of course that’s how a bad ass trucker like Stallone would solve his problems with his huge fucking biceps. That’s how shit gets accomplished in the Stallone-averse. Recognize.

Secondly, while his name is pretty awesome, it’s nothing compared to Tom Cruise’s name in “Days of Thunder.” His name? Cole Trickle. Charles and I were trying to come up with his character’s name a couple of years ago and I threw out two gems: Cutter Steele and Chip Fury. So, don’t be surprised if you’re flipping through late night cable in about ten years, and one of our bottom-dollar action masterpieces comes on with a character named Cutter Steele or Chip Fury… We would obviously be making these movies to fuel our cocaine or heroin habit…

Response to: The Letter

So, I’m outside selling tapes like a madman this past Saturday. (We are in the process of getting rid of all our videotapes, leaving room for the pristine, shaved-kooch sheen of DVD.) And Paul ducks his head out of the store and (in an uncharacteristically chipper way): “We got another letter!”

My obvious response: “No way!”

Paul: “Yep. And it’s SCENTED.”

And, truth be told, the motherfucker WAS scented. Smelled pretty good, actually. The weirdo bandito loser also dropped it off in the drop slot which means one thing: Buckingham Palace my ass. (Charles’ old room was called Fuckingham Palace, due to all the hot ass bitches he got inside those four walls.)

The letters keep getting weirder and weirder (obviously)… it’s just so bizarre…

Response To: The Radio Show

Sadly, I won’t be around for the premiere episode of “Brooklyn We Back” because I will be in the City, kickin’ it Sri Lankan style with M.I.A. at S.O.B.’s (more acronyms! Now!) So, let me tell everyone out there in the blogosphere: it’ll suck. Don’t listen. Wait until the week after. Don’t feed Jordan’s all-consuming ego, cuz then I’ll have to deal with it.

Alright… that’s it…

I’m out.

D.

4 Comments:

  • At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Kina said…

    Don't listen to Drew - hopefully his younger, cuter, and funnier sister will be taking his place for the night and it will kick ass. Listen up, bitches.

     
  • At 12:10 AM, Blogger Emily said…

    I'm so sad--I'll be at the Mole on Tuesday nights. :( I can listen to just the end of the shows on my way home...before the station cuts out, of course. You guys ('n' Kina) will be great!! :)

    -Em

     
  • At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Max said…

    OK this is gonna be a long comment cuz it is a comment for THE ENTIRE BLOG which I just read at work because work is incredibly boring. OK let me just say this is the best thing ever. Last summer, Drew gave me a "Women for Kerry/Edwards" pin modelled after the Rosie the Riveter poster, and I thought that Drew had basically spent his load of goodness, BUT I WAS SO INCREDIBLY WRONG. Even though I hate blogs and the idea of blogging, this one is so good IT MAKES ME WANT TO START MY OWN BLOG. Which I will actually do when I go to Europe in August. SPECIFICALLY, I must say the crappy customer stories are amazing as well as the "Urban" DVD reviews. I remember the one summer I worked at a video store I was appalled at the amount of straight-to-video no-budget turds that appeared every week, en masse, seemingly out of nowhere. In conclusion, M.I.A. sucks hard but LCD Soundsystem 0WNZ!!! YEA!!!

     
  • At 6:06 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    Max - I've never met you but I love you...

    get it? remember that old commercial?
    anyway, I dont think I have ever met you, but it just warms my heart to know that someone else out there reads this blog. Sometimes i think even the other members of the blog dont even read it, and then you come along to inspire us all.
    Keep it up and link us to your blog next year or whenever and we'll put it on the site...

    To Emily: you're like the 4th person to say that they can no longer listen to our show due to the new but better time slot. I never thought that more people would be listening from 12-2am than would at 8-10pm. Quit your job or switch nights with somene. do whatever it takes. We'll try to record all of the shows and give them to you and everyone who missed it. I just we had to sarifice a few chickens in order to get the gift from god that is an 8-10 time slot. Chickens being our only faithful listeners and god being Chuck the program director. I hope we still have a few people listening... So far on the list of people unable to listen:
    Emily, Nick, Mike,Sarah, My Sister, Michelle, and i dont remember who else. Probably a bunch. Dont forget that you can stream the show online at www.wvof.org and maybe on our new website we can make recordings of the show available for DL.. but thats thinking way too big right now.

    -Jordan

     

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