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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

Cursing is finally reversed

Today Kevin told me about an extremely stupid question that he's been asked by customers - not once, not twice, not even thrice but four... times. (Nothing comes after thrice, sadly.)

Here's the situation:
People look at the Fever Pitch DVD and see that there is a special edition of it made for Red Sox fans. For that reason it is called the "curse reversed edition", refering to the Red Sox curse of never winning a world series since Babe Ruth set fire to an indian burial ground or something - a curse which was recently reversed in the last World Series (or some bullshit. As far as I know Boston played New York for control of the world... my sources have yet to confirm or deny this.)

Now here's the question posed to Kevin on several occasions:
"Does this 'Curse Reversed Edition' mean that the swear words have been taken out?"

WHAT THE NUTS? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? After all my many years working at this store and the last 2(?) writing this blog chronicling the behavior of idiots, I still had a double take and didn't believe that Kevin was seriously getting this question from anyone, let alone several people at different times. But it's true.
I hope we aren't the only ones who find this question to be compppppppletteely ridiculously stupid. Look at the fucking box! Do you really think that "curse reversed" means that scientists in the Hollywood labs actually made a breakthrough in technology where they can reverse cursing in a movie altogether? I mean, is that what you think? That they took out all the swears and called it "curse reversed"??? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT???
(Oh wait, isn't that sort of what Speilberg and Lucas did to sodomize their own classic films? In a way? Yes)

That's almost up there with one of the stupidest questions I've ever heard, which was about our disc repair machine. We have a large, homemade bread oven-lookin disc repair machine which through some kind of alchemy or miracle fixes damaged discs. (And no, the stupidest question is not: "what's that?"
- "it's a disc repair machine"
"what's it do?")
It fixes them by grinding off a tiiiny layer of the back of a DVD where the scratches are (hopefully) thereby removing what is causing the disc to skip.
So here is the question.. in question:
"So are you telling me this actually grinds off the back of the disc and replaces it with a new one?"
How exactly would it be able to remove the back of a disc and then put a new one on? The machine just materializes a new surface layer for a DVD?
Keep in mind that this question was asked right after I explained in detail how the simple process actually works.
Maybe I'm an elitist and maybe we seem to be very picky about what we consider to be a stupid question. It might seem reasonable to those not in the business of using a disc repair machine that it might be able to remove the back of a disc and then somehow replace it with a new one... but it doesn't sound reasonable to me at all and if you think it's a reasonable question then I know you're an idiot. So I hope this post clears things up and finally draws the line in the sand for everyone.

-Jordan

1 Comments:

  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Radio Free Burke said…

    Wow. I think the Curse Reversed thing is the most incredibly stupid thing ever. You know that montage in Clerks about stupid questions? Yeah, Clerks is a good fuckin' movie. Don't forget your 13-year-old self, it was filled with infinite wisdom.

     

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