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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Friday, October 28, 2005

Daredevil isn't a lawyer, he's a cook at my school

If you get bad food served to you at a restaurant or a cafeteria you might cleverly exclaim to your lunching friends, "The chef here must be blind!". The idea of a blind chef of course makes your chums crack up - I mean to think of someone who can't see to be preparing your food! It's just preposterous.

Well I recently discovered that among the wiiiiiiiiiiide array of weird and humorous things going on behind the counter at my school cafeteria, one of the chefs is actually blind.
He wears dark Stevie Wonder glasses and walks around slapping the walls with a long white cane.
So far I haven't seen any of the obvious situation comedy-style hi-jinks that might take place in a cafeteria with a blind chef, for instance: knocking stuff over, using ketchup instead of mustard, using butter instead of cream cheese, burning his hands on the grills, mixing up peoples orders and people coming up to the counter and yelling at him, handing a plate of food to a wall thinking its a person, his seeing-eye dog attacking students and eating their food, frying the vegetables and boiling the french fries... all sorts of kooky stuff like that. I think if this were a TV show, in every episode one of the customers would come up to the cashier and say "Um, excuse me but is your cook BLIND??" and the cashier would look at him and then look at the camera with a smirk on her face and the audience would crack up knowing, of course, that he is. All the patrons might wonder "why do they have this blind cook working here if he keeps screwing everything up?" and there would be some crazy story like he is the crazy owner and insists on making all the meals himself, or that it is life long dream was to become a short-order cook despite his blindness and they are letting him fulfill it at this diner, or maybe just that everyone loves him!
The point is, I haven't seen these thigns happen... yet. (by the way, I claim all rights to this storyline as plot for a situation comedy and its characters. I imagine it will air on ABC in the fall season of 2008 and after it's first season will get picked up by UPN. Of course, in anticipation of that, the cook will have to be black and this would lend itself to numerous classic Stevie Wonder jokes and give the show that sassiness that it needs.)

On the other hand, perhaps he's more like Daredevil, the first handicapped(or handicapable) superhero, and he has superhuman senses even beyond those of your average blind man (we all know Stevie Wonder is superhuman, I mean your other average blind men... Wait a minute, new band name idea! The Average Blind Band!). Maybe being a short order cook in the disgusting cafeteria of a community college is just his day time front for his superhero double life!
I think next time I see him I'll ask.
Maybe, just maybe, it is he who will really be seeing me...

PS if you are a blind cook or you know one, the National Federation for the Blind has a helpful article for you called: Suggestions For The Blind Cook. Ironically, its only suggestion is "Don't. But if you do, apply for a job at a college cafeteria first."

-Jordan, questioning yet again why I eat at the school cafeteria.


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