We only followed the instructions, officer.

We opened the store this morning to find a note on the counter that mysteriously read:

"-White kidnapped 2 months, 2 rednecks, 8 miles. Televised.

-Black girl kidnapped 45 minutes, either way out"

We have no idea what this means, but we assumed it was a set of instructions. We're the 2 rednecks, so it all adds up. Look for us on the evening news, I guess.

-Jordan