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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Monday, October 30, 2006

(pre)Halloween Quote #2

I've never quite gone into any depth about our UPS man, but suffice it to say that the stereotypical "crazy postman" is not exclusive to the federal postal service, and may even be redefined by our UPS man. I guess if your job forced you to wear officially issued matching brown socks every day, you might be a little insane too; but which came first: the chicken or the egg?
For examples of his utterly strange, sociopathic tendencies, here are a few short summaries of things he's told us:

-Through some sort of pervert- grapevine, we became aware that he likes scheisser (or "scat") porn. Fortunately we don't rent that kind of material... yet.
-He went on some kind of sky-diving-for-Jesus vacation, which he video taped and had us make copies of.
-His other vacation was to visit the site of the Oklahoma City bombing, which he enjoyed so much that he made it the destination of at least one other vacation trip. Come on, that's pretty demented.

So today he came in and said "I hate Halloween, all the kids running around... This year I'm going to dress up as Mark Foley."
For those out of the loop, Mark Foley is the former U.S Representative who sent dirty instant messanges to young boys (and then blamed his behavior on "alcoholism". Yea, you and me both, buddy). It would be a pretty funny joke/costume, if he had said it with any hint of a sense of humor. Though now I am thinking about how funny it would be to use that as a costume tomorrow when all of Fairfield's tiny costumed kids walk down Post Road, or "Safety Street" as it is being promoted as for Halloween, to trick-or-treat, with me standing there handing out candy in a suit.
When parents say, "Well aren't you dressed nicely! Who are you supposed to be?"
and I say "Former Representative Mark Foley", the look on their faces would be priceless. And by priceless, I mean costly, since it would probably cost me my job.

That doesn't mean I won't do it... come by tomorrow to see.



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