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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Friday, January 23, 2009

Super Super Bowl Post - Hero of the Year: Ric Seaberg, from What The Balls

(Original date: 2/7/06. Definitely posted on What The Balls, but it deserves another skimming. In fact, it inspired a new correspondence/friendship with the wife of the following person...)


Well, there weren't any nipples exposed at this year's Superbowl, so I made an effort to expose both of mine during the halftime show. It didn't quite upset the country like Janet's iron-clad protuberance, but maybe that's because it was in the privacy of my own home... although my dad was reasonably disturbed, so at least I got through to someone.

When trying to find an appropriate picture for the brilliant "Superbowl XL" piece that you just read, I ended up stumbling upon more than just an amazing superbowl picture, I found this weeks Random Picture of the Week as well... Or did the picture find me?
As you will see, there is so much more to this weeks picture than usual.

Here's the superbowl picture:

and now from the very same personal webpage, The Random Picture of the Week:

There's more to this picture than you think.
First of all, forget the fact that you're looking at 2 pirates, one being in a wheelchair - the modern answer to the peg-legged pirate - awkwardly posed in front of the superbowl. Notice that each pirate hat has a different flamboyantly colored feather sticking out of it. They've got kind of a Star Wars/colored dueling light saber colors thing going on. Now, I've never known pirates to wear colored feathers out of their hats, but then again I've never known any pirates... unless you count those koreans that hijacked my ship in international waters, but I wouldn't say I really knew them.


Second, notice the dog calendar hanging on the door in the back. Classic pirate choice. Other typical content of pirate calendars: Wenches & Maids, Various Ports, Justin Timberlake. You might wonder what pirates need calendars for, but it's obviously so they can make down their birthdays.

Most importantly, the guy in the picture. No, not the guy in the wheelchair. Get over it. The other guy.

This guy:


His name is Ric Seaberg. From his website bio:
A well known Portland daily newspaper columnist once described Ric Seaberg this way: "In a kinder and gentler world, he would have been a rock star."
Too bad we live in an unkind world, Seaberg. Apparently he was in some band in the 70's and now puts out his own independently distributed solo albums that are reminiscent not of Jimmy Buffet but of the Jimmy Buffett parody Coconut Pete from "Club Dread".
Also from his website bio:

There are few who can match his wordsmithing talents (for example, he once rhymed maharaj with garage in a song), his lyrics are distinctive and memorable. Ric's songs "Didn't Say I Love You Right" and "We Talk About Cars" both appear on NPR's "Car Talk" compilation cds, available at www.cartalk.com...

As far as I can tell, this guy is awesome. He isn't just awesome because he writes song lyrics like this:

"I took my wife's dry cleaning to the Goodwill store
What a nice donation...there was jubilation
When the cashmere sweaters that my wife adores
Hit the sweater hangers of the Goodwill store

There they were in the hallway....bagged up for the trip
Twelve sweaters and dresses...Shoes bras and a slip
"Take this one to "Dress For Success"....go by there first!
Take the rest to charity...but not this one...
Which belongs to me!.....

(Solo
Bridge)
I know that people make mistakes...everybody does
But this might call for suicide...cuz when I saw those tears she cried
I fought back the tears myself......actin' mighty tough
But she said she felt fine enough...
Since I could buy her all new stuff!"

Uh... yea. Anyway, the other reason he rules is that he seems to have a handi-capable sidekick in a wheelchair.

Check out that genius train conductor. He's wearing shorts for crying out loud, have you ever seen that before? AND a big red hat. AND he willingly posed for this picture, which occured to someone as being a picture perfect moment.
Not to mention for some reason pictures of people enjoying, really enjoying the ride on the wheelchair platform makes me laugh. It's like a picture from an amusement park, or at the very least a county fair. You know it made you laugh too.

For that, and reasons made clear in the following pictures, he is awesome:


This is Ric in his prime, sporting the rarely attempted braided mullet. I would've like to have known him then, damn. Anyone who can get that done to their hair and then put a picture of himself with it online is a man worth knowing.

He's like a candle in the wind. He's also like a white guy with a braided mullet. Either way, it's beautiful.

Ever better than that, apparently this is where he lives:

With all the conveniences of modern day nomadic life and all the charm of the deep south. It is humble, but you'd be surprised how spacious it is inside (in fact there are pictures of the whole interior on his website). I hear he's waiting on the zoning commissioner to approve installing a mobile pool in the back yard. It will make the property value sky rocket.

And a taste of his recording legacy:

This is one of his many professionally made album covers. Don't ask, because I have no fucking idea. "There Goes Rhymin' Pie Man" tells us a lot, though. For one thing, he has no time for the letter G. That's generally a good sign in song writers and pie men. A combination of the two is rarely seen. It also has a hometown feel to it, as if the title is a quote from the neighborhood kids who see him as they're playing stick ball and trading baseball cards or drugs or whatever kids do these days, as Rhymin' Pie Man walks by, presumably towards his Pie Shoppe (as it would be spelled), presumably rhymin' whilst walkin' (or skippin', as the situation sees fit). God I want to live in that made up world I just made up.

Check out his website www.ricseaberg.com for more amazing pictures and weirdness.

So there you have it folks, 3 posts in 1! - it began as one sentence and just wouldn't let me stop until Ric Seaberg was given proper justice.


********************************************



For those interested, here is the lovely comment that Mrs. Seaberg posted on What The Balls.

Greetings Mr. What the Balls, thank you for giving me such pleasure today. You had me laughing til tears were running down my knees... Your blog entry about my dearly beloved is very witty and greatly appreciated here... we both laughed our asses off. I'm just so disappointed to learn you live in Conn., that's so far away. I wanted to invite you to dinner. And we would let you take a ride on the wheelchair lift too!!!!

So we would love to meet you someday, maybe you'll make it to Portland. Look us up! Or maybe we'll pull our airstream up to your curb one day and let you come inside and take a look see.

The world is a better place because your blog is in it... but I guess you knew that already.
Take care,
The wife

1 Comments:

  • At 12:49 AM, Blogger Sean P. Farley said…

    I have to post a comment not about all the pictures of Ric Seaberg, but of the guy at the train station in the uniform: do they really let their male workers wear shorts that tight? I mean, I'm gay and all, and he looks pretty good, but he looks like he's ready to do a uniform-related gay porno more than doing train stuff. Hmmmm.

     

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