The Long, Hard, Deep Goodbye

Dear loyal readers, disloyal readers, customers who unknowingly stumbled upon this blog looking for internet coupons (and/or porn) and became instant fans, and customers who came upon this incendiary website looking for contact information of the owner in order to write annoying complaint letters about the employees only to find blog posts seemingly written about them,

It is the end of an era. The three most important men in the world - James Brown, Gerald Ford and Saddam Hussein - have all died recently, and as they are each my contemporaries and my idols (in their own unique ways), I too will be making a passage onto a better place. You could say that like Saddam, and perhaps even James Brown, where I am going will likely be filled with at least 72 virgins. At least in the freshman class, anyway. That's right - I'm going to college.

I planned out the last 5 years of my life perfectly: After high school, work at the same job long enough to kill my spirit, and then, after saving just enough money to not be able to afford anything, and at the height of my popularity in Fairfield (socially, politically and sexually), uproot myself and move to a new, far more expensive city to be old enough as an undergraduate student for some of my female classmates to actually exclaim "gross! That's like, statutory rape or something. Look at his beard... Is he a professor?". I guess statutory is better than date rape, which they will surely be willingly engage in later that night, as will I.

My reign of terror and unwelcome sexual advances at The Wave is over... at least until I finally realize what a scam college is and come back to earn some extra money for my newly developed drug habit. Working for "The Man" again will surely be against my newly developed anti-establishment, socialist economic and political views, but it can't hurt my newly developed credit card debt. What I'm saying, basically, is that college is about positive new developments.

This is just a preliminary message to let everyone know what I'm doing and why I haven't posted much in a while. Hopefully while I'm not using all my creative (and sexual) juices at the wave, I can focus them on posting more instead of working, and instead of doing school work.For the record, and so you don't have to keep asking, I'll be there at school for sexual experimentation and writing. This often makes people ask "Really? You? Writing? You can't spell, and you can barely speak in full sentences... OOOKK.. WHATEVER! Good luck with that...". I have no answer for you, or your rude attitude. I lost a bet where the stakes were enrolling in a college for writing, so...

I have not yet decided what will come of The Showcase of Depravity; it's power is beyond my control. It's very much like malevolent computer HAL 9000 , and for that matter, my father, in that it would surely kill me before I kill it. In fact, both Blogger and my father remind me of this constantly on a weekly basis through email updates.

Until then, do yourself a favor and go through the archives; relive all the things you loved about this motley crew of rag tag ragamuffins and their rantings about unbelievably stupid customers. For now, let it be a relic of a successful project on failure (or a failure project on success, depending on how you look at my time at The Wave), which has a defined beginning and ending.

I assure you there will be more posts coming, including unfinished posts from days past (including a ridiculously late Halloween post) and brand new happenings on the store front (including hilariously innocent vandalism of the store wall's mural).

As always, I desperately request that you read my other "blog", What The Balls?.
Also, check out Drew's blog about life as an out-of-the-closet metrosexual, Zombie Politics. It's sure to offend and titillate.

Here is the "Hey, I'm a dog" card I imagine Media Wave would have sent me, had they done anything for my departure at all.




I leave The Wave as I came: questioning my sexuality, my belief in God, how people so stupid can be so rich, and ready for a fight.

-Jordan