Arabs Eat Kahk and The Simpsons Get Lost In Translation

Since we are not a "news" blog, this is by far the most hard-hitting news that we've brought to you so far, but I think that it cuts right into the heart of all of our lives so that I had to share.

The first sure sign that we're winning the war on terrorism is that TV's "The Simpsons", my favorite television show of all time next to "Mr. Belvedere", is finally being brought to Arab TV.

However, it's not quite the same show you'll find syndicated 2-6 times a night on Fox. In order to fit the show with the values of Middle-Eastern culture and Islam, "The Simpsons" is now called "Al Shamshoons". It roles right off the tongue if you ask me. All characters voices will be dubbed by one serious and angry but respectful Arab man. Furtermore, Homer will now be known as Omar and Bart will be known as Bahr. As reported from ABC News, Duff beer will be changed to an Arab soft drink, hot dogs will become Egyptian beef sausages, and donuts will become popular Arab cookies called "kahk" - And I'm not making that up.

Not only that but due to content against the Koran, Moe's Tavern and "Kid Gruesome" himself, Moe Syzlack, have been written out altogether as well as 85% of the characters and situations in the episodes.
Due to the fact that they are female characters, Marge and especially young feminist Lisa Shamshoon are written out almost entirely, and when they do show up are not permitted to speak.
As a result of the cultural modifying, there are only 7 episodes that are acceptable to be aired and all 7 of them have been cut down to 4 1/2 minutes each. Those 4 1/2 minutes will be a mixture of poorly dubbed political propoganda and scripture lessons from the Koran.

My favorite part of the *real* news article is: "Many bloggers have also expressed discontent." You're darn tootin'! It's good to know that discontentment among bloggers will make the news.

While he may not be a donut-worshipping, bacon-eating offensive but lovable boozehound Christian, " "Omar Shamshoon still says "D'oh!" "

Next on the Arab TV synidcation slate is their the American hit "Friends" about a group of hip 20-somethings who are just trying to make it in America's unholy capitalist society with a little help from their friends (aww).
The Arab version will be called "Infidels" and by airing fully unchanged episodes will fuel the hatred of American culture, just as it has in America.


My only question is whether the Arab version of The Simpsons will be available in America. It might not be the same show we are all used to, but lets not dismiss the possibility that an edited Islam-friendly cut might be far better than the original. Face it, the last 5 seasons of the show haven't been quite up to their normal standard of excellence, perhaps a Middle Eastern makeover is just what this long-lasting series needs! And do we really need such gratituous use of the word "butt" on TV?
It might not be funny anymore, but the limited gratification of comedy is nothing compared to eternal salvation, a principle that only "The War At Home" seems to follow.

-Reporting Live, Jordan Champion for MVNews