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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

A Stupid Question Gets A Stupid Answer, or "What's a bonus feature disc???"

There are many stupid questions that we get from customers on a daily basis.
The one that has been really toasting my buns lately is one that I can't really understand why anyone would ask.
Most DVD's these days come with 2 discs: 1 disc for the movie and 1 disc for the bonus features. Since customers are so lazy and irresposnsible that they seem to literally grab whatever clear plastic Media Wave case they see in their house and without looking at it from the time they grab it to the time they put it in the return slot, inevitabley people return personal discs, return empty boxes and also frequently return 2 disc sets with only the second disc.
It's really hard to believe that people are SOOO busy that they can't put down their cell phone for 1 minute to use their eyes to see that what they are holding in their own hand is clearly missing a disc. When we call their homes to tell them of their clear neglect they deny it at first and then quickly figure out that the disc they were supposed to return is sitting in their DVD player. Well, DUH! When you're done with a movie standard practice is to take it out, put in its case and return it not run through the house with your eyes closed, grab whatever is on top of the DVD player, throw it in your car without looking at it, and toss it in the return bin all without ever glancing at it's contents to make sure you won't incure fines for any reason.

Anyway, this has prompted us to stop automatically giving out the bonus features discs, and instead ask people first whether or not they want the huge burden of responsibility that is a 2 disc set. From this we have found out that about 4% of the DVD renting public ever watch the bonus features discs at all, which is kind of sad. The people working on "Kingdom Of Heaven" probably spent dozens of hours compiling comprehensive bonus feature documentaries and all kinds of things which will never get viewed.
So, now we ask every customer renting any 2 disc dvd
"This movie had 2 discs, would you like to include the bonus features disc or do you just want to the movie?"

To this we get the oddest reactions. People suddenly stop, pay attention and say
"What?? hold on, say that again??"
but my most hated reponse question is:

"what's a bonus feature disc?"

Unable to think of a helpful definition of what a bonus feature disc is I simply say:
"It's a disc that has bonus features on it"

Usually people understand and then say "oh, no.. just the movie" but often people will continue in this line of inane questions with things like:
"what do you mean? wait, what? Bonus what? like what??"
Since I don't know what particular special bonus features are included on "Monster-In-Law" I just sigh and say "you know... like additional features, and stuff like that"

This usually calms their frantic confusion and of course they end just up saying "no, no.. none of that, I just want the movie!"

So, that pisses all of us off to no end. And thats my story. It ended up being much longer than I had intended... oh well.

I don't want to offend any sensitive people out there like Max so I will say that I can understand when some people aren't quite so adept with DVD knowledge as we are required to be... but still, a stupid question is a stupid question.

On a side note, this guy just handed me a dvd case that literally had snot on it. What the fuck???



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