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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Sunday, June 26, 2005

All in a day's work

here are a few funny things that happened just in the span of one day here at Media Wave...

*I'm standing at the register helping this guy and while we are calmly taking care of the transaction, the guys two 6 year old kids are racing the length of the store back and forth holding candy and yelling "OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE LET ME TASTE IT!!!!!!!!CANNDDYY!!!!!"
Meanwhile, the father is almost immune to this and goes on like nothing is happening behind him. I wanted to beat the hell out of those kids, my god. GET CONTROL OF YOUR KIDS OR GET OUT OF THE STORE YOU JACKASS.

*A 50+ year old woman comes in with short shorts and a black tank top that has neon pink skull and cross bones on it.... I'm pretty sure she's the same woman who asked me where our "Lesbian" movie section is... but its not for her, she swore it was for her sister who didn't want to come in. Even if that is true, it's still kind of weird that her sister would send her in a video store to pick out lesbian movies for her.

*I was helping this lunatic woman who had 3 whiney kids (i know that doesn't really sound different from any other customer at this store) and her kids asked if they could rent Pokemon and she said "NO! Pokemon is filth. Pokemon is manufactured nonsense that funds nuclear weapons! I will not buy it."
She says this to her 4 year old daughter he looks at her like "uh.. but it has pikachu in it?"

*The stores personal computer tech/egg-shaped, voted most-likely-to-bomb-microsoft-out-of-jealously/paranoid arrogant weirdo with an unexplained tendency to rent anime porn and Mary-Kate and Ashley films at the same time came in for the 5th time so far this week (it had only been 4 days into the week so far) and in the midst of pretending to customers that he works here (he refers to the store as "ours" or the movie as his. if someone comes up and asks for help finding a movie he will speak up and say "that's in our Action section, ma'am. I'll show you..." while we roll our eyes) ... anyway, his quote for the week is "My neighborhood is rough, man. People walk around my street holding guns out in the open. We used to have 6-7 murders a week on my street. But Bridgeport really is the best city in the whole state as far as crime goes"
Wow. 6-7 murders a week.... he claims to work 90 hours a week doing hi-tek computer servicing and yet still lives in a tiny apartment in bridgeport where apparently there is a street gang killing people on site. Nice

*I'm listening to this British Rock CD compilation at work and this dude I know who loves Prog Rock asks who it is. I tell him the song is by new british rock band Bloc Party, he says "oh, it's cool... ever hear Rammstein?" Bloc Party being the furthest thing from Rammstein, I look at him and say "yea... they are pretty nuts". Weird.

*Drew is looking out the window and says "I wanna punch fat kids"


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