Porn Stories/When A Friend Rents Porn

There are many awkward but somehow hilarious situations that occur between customers and employees, employees and employees and employees and friends who are customers over the course of a "career" at Media Wave (or any video store, I suppose). It is my job to document and comment on such things.
It's one thing when skeevy old men with smokers hacking cough come in and walk right up to the counter and say to me "Listen, I ain't gonna bullshit witchu.... WHERE'S THE PORNO??"
And it's one thing when our 40-something computer tech/eggplant-shaped friend rents Mary-Kate and Ashely with Anime Porn at one time, indicating a combination of fetish pleasures the likes of which have never been seen!
and it's one thing when middle-aged Dads or divorced/single men come in specifically to quiety and shamefully rent some cheesy low-grade adult video. He'll bring up some brand new popular movie like "Hitch" just because he's using it to cover up the DVD box for "The Bare Wench Project" or "Playmate Of The Apes" hidden beneath that acceptable family-friendly film he appears to be renting just in case he bumps into someone he knows. Then he asks for a bag or two to cover up his shame, to which I say "Sir, no bag can save you from Hell... PERVERT!"

It was also awkward when a small 50/60-something Indian man came up to rent video games for his kids and "Girls Gone Wild: On Campus" and I found that for some reason that particular volume of GGW was missing or already checked out so instead of making an embarassing scene in front of his kids by telling him "sir, your Girls Gone Wild is already checked out, would you like to go pick out another one? I wouldn't want you to go home with blue balls" I made an executive decision and gave him "Girls Gone Wild: On Campus 2". I mean... how different could they be, right? Boy was I wrong!! He came back the next day and in his funny old man indian accent came up to the counter (his head hardly goes above the counter, he's so small) and goes "Excuse me but I recieved the wrong movie last night. I requested Girls Gone Wild: On Campus but somehow got On Campus Vol. 2. Please correct this"
....ooook, I guess he knows his Girls Gone Wild. And here I thought any variety of young girls flashing their boobs would be acceptable for instant boob gratification.
Here's the major difference: On Campus Vol. 1 contains:
Wild, HOT, Out of Control, Sexy Co-eds!


While On Campus 2 has:
Sexy Co-eds! Out Of Control! and Wild!














As you can see, the difference is like night and day.
And who am I to deny him his Hot Co-eds, even if they are both equally as Real and just about as Raw and both are absolutely Uncut!

Actually, I was trying to pull the ol' Folgers switcheroo taste test.
"We've replaced Mr. X's regular volume of "Girls Gone Wild: On Campus" with the newer and arguably rawer and more out of control "Girls Gone Wild: Campus 2"! Let's see if he notices the difference!
... He did.

These porn experiences are all funny on their own in every way because they have nothing to do with me personally.
But it's quite another thing indeed when someone you know around your age who you are in most respects "friends" with (or at least social acquaintences) unabashedly rents explicit porn from your store with you checking them out for him. It's a very weird situation to be in because you aren't really sure how to handle it. It's not really like it is when your buddy in college has some crazy porn downloaded on his computer (and then you have a big circle jerk around his computer.... or not), and it's not quite like just knowing your friends watch porn (because they all do, I mean.. cooommme on!), but when you're face to face with it and he brings it right up to your register as if he's renting "Guess Who", what exactly do you say? The first time this happened he rented "Phenomenal Sex" (which i thought maybe would be like a personal relationship aid) and to break the ice he goes "heh heh, that looks like a good one, right?"
I say "uh, yea... with a name like that you can't go wrong". We share an awkward laugh.
The second time, however, was at about 10:30 in the morning and he rented the Paris Hilton sex tape called "A Night In Paris" (best title ever) and I had to get past how weird it is when people rent porn at 10:30 in the morning and that it's someone I know doing it and then had to explain to him why we charge $5 for the rental because it cost us at least $40 to buy.

If you're anything like me, when you have a hankerin for a wankerin and you are tired of the same old free amatuer porn easily viewed and downloaded for free on the internet, and you've already worn through the porn videos you have some how... and your girlfriend's various orafices/hands/feet aren't doing it for you anymore, you go to a video store OUT OF TOWN, or least where you don't know anyone! We have old men coming in from the tri-town area renting our very small collection of soft-core porn, and a 20-something friend of mine has to come in to my store specifically to rent embarrassing porn titles in front of me?

Good for him. Be who you are... and all that junk. I'll just never shake your hand again.

-Jordan

Coming Soon: Media Wave's Hilarious Adult Section
and: The Disturbing World of Anime Porn
Don't miss out!