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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Kirstie Alley is fat, get it?


Kirstie Alley, Respected Actress


After having the fact that Kirstie Alley got fat drilled into my mind for the last few months, it suddenly occured to me that this could all be an elaborate plot to get her career back. Think about it - Before the whole country was all too aware of her weight gain, when is the last time you thought about Kirstie Alley? I sure as hell don't remember thinking about her at all, with the exception of the passing thought
"Hey, whatever happened to that show "Veronica's Closet" that Kirstie Alley was getting fat on? I think it got canceled"
Thats probably where most of America had left their interest in her. Don't get me wrong, she's a fine actress... i liked "Cheers", I used to like "Look Who's Talking" (it one of those movies I know I won't like if I watch it after a significantly long period of time since childhood... like Cliffhanger), and hmmm let's see... oh yea, "Madhouse" is still one of my favorite movies (well, in the top 500)... but let's just say she didnt exactly have a lot going for her after her show got canceled.

A few years later, you turn on the T.V. and you hear that some celebrity has gainged weight, blah blah blah big deal no one cares. Then all of the sudden it BLOWS UP and for some reason EVERYONE cares. I still don't care (unless you count putting effort into writing a whole post about it). Then she takes her experiences being fat and makes a groundbreaking TV show (er..) out of it (which sounds really bad), and it's like she is some kind of comedic genius/poor unfortunate soul.


She publically admitted that she got fat because she ate a lot of bad food whenever she wanted, because she wanted to. Why should anyone feel bad for her? I would compare her to someone like Nickie Sixx of Motley Crue who recklessly endulges in a variety of different vices and still comes out alive and on top with a lot of money, and then sells their story to make even more money. Only difference is I envy Nickie Sixx cause he did drugs and screwed a lot of groupies which is kick ass, and while I love eating... somehow Kiristie's story isn't quite as cool.


So my theory is that Kirstie and her publicist got together to brainstorm about how to get her career back on track and came up with the brilliant idea of letting Kirstie eat whatever she wants and gain a ton of weight because the American public LOVES to hear stories about celebrity weight gain AND celebrity weight loss. It is pretty brilliant. So not only will she be back in the spot light, but she will get the public sympathy AND i bet the "Fat Actress" pilot script was written 3 years ago. Then she'll get even more publicity from having such a controversial TV show subject that breaks new ground for women and overweight people and as if that wasn't enough, she will, as (in theory) she always planned to, lose the weight as soon as she got famous again and get a big money deal with Jenny Craig to promote weight loss.

So she went from a string of bad TV movies, the classic Tim Allen comedy "For Richer Or Poorer", and a small appearance in "Drop Dead Gorgeous" to having her name alllllll over the newspaper, tabloids, tv talk shows, news broadcasts (entertainment news is an awesome waste of time), endless interviews and stories about her tragic weight gain, to a popular and critically acclaimed HBO series and endorsing Jenny Craig in a bunch of commercials...

Not a bad strategy, Kirstie... Kudos, you diabolical genius, kudos.

(I'm reminded of the New and Improved Anna Nichole Smith *shudder*... only she isn't smart enough to get fat on purpose, or even to drive a car)

-Jordan, the celebrity conspiracy theorist.

by the way, this is what i did instead of doing my research paper due in 12 hours.

2 Comments:

  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Cliff Brenford said…

    I just can't BELIEVE the audacity of you sometimes...you completely STOLE that theory from me. I remember telling you that theory probably 2 weeks ago and I thought of it long ago and believe it to be true.
    And I think she's a hero...I would KILL to be able to get totally fat eating anything and everything I want and then get paid to talk about it, paid to lose it and then congratulated and celebrated again, not to mention the fame.

    But you sir are stealing yet another brilliant and funny notion from me. Conspiracy theorist my patoot.

    But that picture of her, before and after, made me laughed out loud for a good 3 minutes, and show others.

     
  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    yea, but here's the thing..
    YOU'RE WRONG. It isn't unheard of that two people have the same great idea in around the same time, but i did NOT steal this from you. if you did tell me something about this before i posted, i wasn't listening like usual. Sorry buster, but the glory and genius is all mine.

    -jrdaon

     

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