Bush Finally Goes Too Far

So, I get home from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” screening in high spirits. The movie was a whole lot of fun and today was my last day of regular classes for this, the spring semester 2005. Also, there was a brand spanking new episode of “The OC” waiting for me on the TiVo. I go to turn it on, hoping for some hot beach bodies, soapy storylines and one or more lesbian kiss when I get this: my arch nemesis and superb war-started (few people know he was responsible for the War of 1812 and the Korean War) George W. Bush. He’s giving his asinine press conference on why we should enact his social security “reform” and describe what baby flesh tastes like, with no trace of “The OC” whatsoever. And this was the one when Seth’s grandmother comes back!

So, being a complete nerd I go online to try to figure things out. The first place I stop? The official “OC” Message Boards, of course. (Yes, you read those last couple of sentences right. The official “OC” Message Boards. Because the unofficial ones are just too unpredictable and frequently wrong.) And I come across this little gem by an enraged fan:

F*CK YOU BUSH!!!!!! I HOPE YOU GET HERPES IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT AND YOU CANNOT SPEAK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!! YOU ARE A MORON AND NOBODY CARES TO HEAR YOU STUTTER LIKE A MORON WHEN WE COULD BE WATCHING THE OC!!!! EVERYBODY HATES YOU AND FEELS LIKE THE OC IS A MUCH FOR VALUABLE USE OF OUR TIME AND YOU ARE FULL OF SH*T ANYWAYS OF COURSE YOU ARE GOING TO SAY SOCIAL SECURITY WILL BE AROUND FOR US ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES????? I DIDNT THINK SO AND SINCE YOU ARE MAKING SO MUCH MONEY OFF OF GAS RIGHT NOW WHO CARES IF THEY TAKE AWAY YOUR PENSION!!!! EVERY SINCE YOU HAVE GOTTEN IN THE OFFICE THIS COUNTRY HAS GONE TO SH*T FIRST ALL OF THIS TERRORISM/WAR DRAMA AND NOW YOU TAKE AWAY THE ONE THING I LOOK FOWARD TO EVERY WEEK! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GET OFF OF MY 12 HOUR SHIFT SINCE I HAVE TO PAY FOR EXPENSIVE GAS AND ALL AND WATCH MY SHOW AND YOU RUINED IT I AM SO GLAD YOU CANT BUY YOUR WAY INTO THE OFFICE NEXT ELECTION BECAUSE I BET YOU WOULD I ONCE AGAIN HOPE YOU GET HERPES!!! does anyone know if they are going to show the oc next week?

This was one of the replies on the board:

wow... i dont like bush, but you kinda scare me

Now, granted, I hate the guy, too. He started a costly and deadly illegal war for very selfish reasons and has made planet earth a generally more unattractive place for mankind (he also was responsible for the premature cancellation of “Cheers”), but I am not going to get all uppity about him preempting a hit television teen drama. (Besides the uppitiness that leads me to message boards.)

I love how after all that outrage, too, there’s the wimpy little comment of “when is the show going to be on?” To them I say: ask TV Guide. Treating this as a mini-crisis, as I did, shows me just how ludicrous I was being. It also makes me wish Bush had herpes on the back of his throat, therefore he won’t be unable to speak and, thusly, preempt “The OC.”

Actually, I wish for some kind of high-powered and untraceable laser. I’d be like those jokesters in the movie theater “drawing” on the screen with their laser pointers, only I’d make the president’s head explode like in “Scanners.” Oh, wait, then Dick Cheney would be president. Little children would be scared to look at the paper or turn on the television. Nevermind. Carry on, numbskull.

[They’re showing both episodes back to back next week, by the way, for those who are curious.]

Drew.