David Bowie and the Vagina Hand Towel, a Cautionary Tale

If you know me, you know that I LOVE the movie "The Labyrinth". Ever since I was little, something about David Bowie in his makeup and spandex has entranced me and when I find someone to share that love with, it's great. So far, I've found only a few Labyrinth followers: Steve, Alice, and Meggie just to name a few. But over the years a certain song, "Magic Dance" has some how turned in to a love song between Meggie and I. It's as if David is singing just to us about how he saw his baby crying hard as babe could cry, what could he do? So last night, in the spirit of Meggie (one of Media Wave's favorite groupies) coming home today for spring break, I text messaged her with the line, "You remind me of a babe . . ." (which is the opening line of the song) and I expected to get a text back containing, "What babe?". But instead, Meggie finished my sentence with "and her name is Kina Taylor." Needless to say, I was very disappointed. Obviously, Meggie was too entranced by her boyfriend's magic stick to remember the lyrics of Magic Dance. I was heartbroken. But alas, I called Meggie only to find out that she was absolutely wasted at 8:30 pm and probably couldn't have recalled her own middle name. I was comforted by the fact that Meggie is a drunk but still loved me, but what Meggie told me next was something that will live with me for the rest of my life. She announced to me, in her drunken baby voice, "I'm wiping my (censored) hooha on someone's hand towel. Tomorrow, they're going to wash their face and dry it with this towel thinking it's clean. But it's not. It has my juices on it. hahaha." Apparently Meggie had run out of toilet paper, and had to go to Plan B - using a hand towel. While I was truly grossed out by this information, I was pleased to know that it was in the bathroom of a fraternity house that Meggie's evil plan was taking place. Today, some frat brother cleaned his face with a towel smelling of lady, a smell I'm sure he recognized immediately. Ahhh . . . how lovely.

So I guess this story didn't have much of a point, other than causing you to think twice before you ever invite Meggie over to your house again, hopefully spurring you to go rent the "Labyrinth" (at Media Wave!), and rethink that idea you had about being in a fraternity - unless you already wear hooha scented aftershave.

Kina