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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Thursday, March 24, 2005

After All That We've Been Through

So here I am, it’s almost one a.m. and I’m responding to Kina’s stupid-ass “Stolen Honor”-style expose on yours truly, Drew Taylor (one that is riddled with inaccuracies and outright lies). Also, I am listening to Chicago’s greatest hits collection. Fuck yeah. Anyway…

1.) SINGING AND DANCING
See, it’s all about what Kina chooses to disclose and what she doesn’t. Earlier this year I decided that, in an effort to stay physically fit (and, in effect, sexually attractive), I would dance. Hard-style dance. For an hour or more a day. That way, I could work out and burn calories while shaking my moneymaker and listening to the Scissor Sisters. But, being a obsessive compulsive (or some kind of neurotic therein), it began to take over my daily life, hence the dancing, making mix tapes, and inviting friends and family up to my room to get down with their bad and respective selves.

2.) STANDING WATER
Yes, I do hate standing water. I think it has something to do with this fountain that was in the back of our house back in San Antonio, Texas (yes, my sordid past revealed) and how my father would tell me that, in the standing weather and hot, hot summer heat, mosquito larvae would breed. No fan of mosquitoes or their larvae, I became grossed out and then out-and-out spooked. Now I hate it because I just feel like its unclean, and who likes to be walking around in wet socks? Not me, that’s for damn sure. I also hate/am fearful of: movies about food, artificial grape flavoring, sitcoms, college professors, tee shirts with slogans, deceptive advertising, and Native Americans.

3.) MY HAIR
Touché.

4.) PUNCHED
Yes, I got punched. And yes, it was in the back of the head. But I found it to be entirely unfounded because a.) they continued talking and being obnoxious and cycling through their cell phone rings (ever wondered what happened to that annoying song “Because I Got High” – well, it’s on a punch-prone black gentleman’s cell phone) and b.) I didn’t say anything to them. I can understand if I got all up in one of their faces and was like “Yo, shut the fuck up – BITCH.” Then I would deserve a smacking, maybe even a genital mutilation, but I didn’t. I handled it the peaceful, calm way. And (in the tradition of Jeff’s idiocy), I’ll give props to Steve, the mildly-retarded and egg-plant shaped usher who failed to control the situation whatsoever, leading to my assault, and many years of in-depth psychotherapy.

Alright, that’s it for now. For more hilarity, go to KevinCostner.com and check out the videos section. Oh, man, what an ass.

Drew.

3 Comments:

  • At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Film Cynic said…

    Drew, you are not helping establish your heterosexuality with your defense. First you add that what you are dancing to is Scissor Sisters, the gayest music to dance to since The Village People. Then you tell get all excited about Kevin Costner, saying "what an ass". Maybe he does have a nice ass, but it isn't wise for you to address that.

    By the way, Big Night is a beautiful film about food. You suck.

     
  • At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Kina said…

    Chris, While I always appreciate a good Drew joke, I think you need to tone it down a notch. As far as I've seen, somehow, by God's grace - Drew never seems to be in short supply of ladies (even if thats not always a good thing). I noticed your blogging identity and understand that apparently its your job to be cynical, but leave Drew up to me - I've been making fun of him for 20 years now, and for now I've got it covered.

    By the way, if you don't love the Scissor Sisters - you're crazy.

    He 'aint gay, he's my brother.
    Kina

     
  • At 11:25 PM, Anonymous Em said…

    Drew--
    Just one thing:
    Que Onda Guero?

     

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