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The Showcase of Depravity

This is the long hard truth. It goes extra deep.

"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny." The Showcase of Depravity showcases... depravity. Wisdom and humor from the perspective of a few disgruntled (& sexy) video store professionals.

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Drew is F'ing Insane

When I first invited myself onto the blog, I promised our readers that I would give them a peak into the twisted lives of the Media Wave employees outside of work. So far, I feel as though I've lived up to the challenge, but all week, people everywhere have been yelling obscenities, throwing bottles, and occasionally punching me in the back of the head. Why, you ask? Because I promised our blog readers a post about how weird Drew is and had chosen instead, to pursue other ventures of the money-making, future-enhancing, and pleasure-deriving kind. But now, I'll put all of that aside and focus on what we've known all along; Drew is a freak.

Here's 4 major examples for today:
1. SINGING AND DANCING: Sure, I'll admit it, I love to cut an occasional rug and I sing to the radio every once in a while. I think everyone does. But Drew, he takes it to the next level. Atleast once a week last summer, I would be awoken from my slumber to the dancing of my brother in my room. He is a dancing fool. He dances all the time, if you can call it that. His dance moves are very spastic and retro - just imagine every move involving a hip swivel and a hunched back - and that's Drew. He also is constantly singing in a very very high pitch. He is really good at ruining songs written by other people, and when he's done with that - he moves on to writing his own songs. Songs by Drew Taylor include the hits, "God's Littlest Angel", "I Dare You to Move", and "What About the Puppy?" In fact, while I was writing this blog, he came in to the room and sang this song to Tessa the dog, "The littlest angel has a red face./ The littlest angel is out of control. The littlest angel ate too much pasta./ The littlest angel will save your soul."
2. STANDING WATER: I only found out about this a few days ago, but apparently Drew hates water that has been still for an extended amount of time. This includes swamps, lakes, and puddles. Drew always bitches and moans about the floor in the bathroom being wet. And I don't just mean every once in a while. He freaks out about it. He leaves messages on the mirror and verbally assaults people about it and it never made sense before, but now it does - he doesn't like stepping on the water with barefeet. If you know him, you already know he walks like a freak without shoes on, and this, I'm sure is a result of worrying about where the next puddle is going to be. It must be a scary existence.
3. HIS HAIR: I mean . . . it's crazy all the time!
4. PUNCHED: He got punched in the back of the head by a stranger. How many people can say that? And the sad part is that when I told my mom, her reply was that she was surprised he hadn't been beat up earlier.

For more information about how weird Drew is, wait until I blog again, or visit Media Wave and talk to him for five seconds. And just remember, in our family, the saying is very true; First in the worst (Drew), second is the best (Me), and third is the one with the hairy chest(Alexa). Don't tell her I said that!

Kina

3 Comments:

  • At 1:43 AM, Anonymous Film Cynic said…

    1. Drew seriously needs to move out and get his own place. Or a place with the other homsexuals he works with, like Jordan. Oh wait, apartments cost money.

    2. My mom was punched in the back of the head once but she is a mental health nurse at a psyche hospital. Drew is just annoying.

    3. Middle children are always the coolest and I don't believe that about Alexa's chest and think we need photographic evidence.

    4. Can I get a whoaah teen girls nonny nonny hey?

     
  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger Jordan, and ya don't stop said…

    whoooah

     
  • At 11:07 PM, Anonymous Em said…

    Re: 4.

    My mother is always amazed that my brother has not yet gotten beaten up. She always encourages others to give him a good smack.

    Ciao,
    Em.

     

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