Naming Stuff for Fun & Profit

One of our favorite things to do, while staring into space and/or holding back the urge to retreat to the bathroom and quickly rub one out, is naming stuff. (If Paul is reading this, that last sentence went something like this: One of our favorite things to do, while helping customers and busily putting away returns, is naming stuff.)

I don’t mean that we look at our feet and say: “Those are no longer shoes, they’re codsbottoms!” or something like that. Instead, we imaginatively hypothesize what our name would be if we were say, a team of hot-air balloon enthusiasts. We usually think these things up, laugh for a few minutes, then they disappear into the muddy ether of our brains. Only one has really stuck: the name of our heavy metal band, Arterial Spray. (For those not verse in blood-squirtology, it’s in reference to what happens when a sword or throwing knife pierces an artery: blood spray out the ass.) The other week Jordan came up with the name of our debut album, “After the Robot Apocalypse.” Yeah. I just got chills too. A robot apocalypse would be fucking terrifying.

Imagine all those robots.

Our bowling team’s name is The Casual Fridays.

The other night I came up with an inspired band name: Bot Meets Girl. (Get it? Get it?) So I texted Jordan with this information, seeing it was vital, immediate and possibly life-altering news. He wrote me back with this: “That’s great. It can be the name of our IDM band.” That is very funny, to about four people.

Oh well.

Anybody else like naming stuff?

Drew.
P.S. – Tricky’s “Christiansands” is the greatest song of all time. It’s also in that movie “Face/Off” with John Travolta and Nic Cage. Fuck, Nic Cage is awesomely bad.